Coping with an ADD spouse?

I have a 38 yr old wife who has a long history of ADD characteristics, although she remains undiagnosed. Although I have tried to get her to go for a real diagnosis in the hope that some treatment may help us in our day to day dealings, she refuses as she does not want to be labelled, nor does she want to be "drugged".

As a result of the many problems that have arisen over our 13 year marriage, many of which relate especially to communication and intamacy problems which seem to stem from the ADD symtoms which she displays, our marriage is in real trouble.

The worst part for me is that she doesn't seem to realize that this is the case.

I am looking ofr advice on how to help her. And I guess, me. I have become deeply frustrated with the ongoing, un-ending flightiness, and it has begun to affect every aspect of our life togeather.

Anyone have any advice?

I have ADHD. I know how hard it is on you. Believe me, I DO KNOW!!!!!!
She has to see a doctor. She does not have to drugged out. I don't take any meds, and have learned how to cope with it in my own little ways. They have this new medication called Stratera, wich is non-stimulant. My son is on it. She can also try a natural suppliment Ginko, plus extra B-complex.

With love to all.

Hello Rayman,

I was recently diagnoised with ADD and I am twenty three. At first when my doctor mentioned to me that I might have it I felt a lot like your wife, and said the things she said. Then I went trough this long three hour test for it, that was positive. So then I started researching it, I felt like I was domed to have this horrible unorganized unfocused life. For a while I almost wished that I did not know. I have been on medication for a week and a half and I have noticed a major difference. I can sit and work on a project without getting distracted. I also can switch my "mind gears easier. Say I am upset about how someone treats me, instead of being stuck in that thought all day like before, I can say o.k. time to think about something else. I can actually do it now, before I could try really hard and it did not work. Maybe you should talk to someone they can help you find a good doctor your wife can go to. That makes a big difference as well. Medication is not going to "fix" the problem on it's own. It does help, but she needs to be willing to make some changes in her life to better deal with it as well. Tell her how you are feeling, this is a problem and it causes problems with relationships. She should want to make improvements in her life for herself and for the other people in her life, like family. Let me know how it goes. Amiee

Hello Molly, thank you for your post. I was diagnosed about ten years ago and received some treatment but when I lost my insurance, I lost my treatment options. I am now pursuing new treatment options and would like to know what medication you are on, and any other treatments you may be receiving.
As for Rayman, I too am like your wife. I married my husband about 5 years ago - my God! I just realised I forgot our anniversary was 3 days ago! That's Ok - so did he (he's not ADD, but we have allot going on on top of basic dysfunctions). - and I really am only now beginning to see how, under stressful circumstances my ADD affects my family, particularily my spouse. I am currently seeking support and hopefully treatment. I hope she will become open to helping you and herself by pursuing support, if not treatment. I don't want to lose my relationship and I hope she doesn't have to lose hers.

Wherever I go, there I am

Hello Rayman -

I am a new member as of today. I am involved in a marriage quite similar to yours except for the fact that my spouse has been diagnosed with ADD. From scanning the postings I can see that there are several of us with this same problem. Perhaps we can help each other.