[Glass is Half Full]

I am hoping for some helpful, honest feedback from others who have kids...but especially daughters with ADHD. Seems it is more difficult in our society for a girl who is hyperactive than a " good 'ol rough and tumble" boy.

My husband and I are really struggling right now with our 8-yr old daughter. She is smart as a whip, so that is one blessing that we're at least not struggling with school work and grades, but she is like a tornado of energy and defiance.... Like a combination of a fit-throwing toddler (morning meltdowns and evening screeching, arguing, complaining....basically extreme emotion a good bit of the time) and an attitude-y teen all packaged in this talented but frustrating second grader. She can be wonderful and happy sometimes, so I see glimpses of hope..cooperation...compassion...patience....respect....but more often than not we're getting after her for something or other and she's pushing back and displaying a defiant or upset emotion.

She takes 15mg. Of Focalin XR and that makes a difference during the school day but evenings are a challenge, and we have sports and church activities to get through during much of the week.

Would really, really appreciate any thoughts, advice, anyone who has been there, done that and can give me some solid parenting advice. The "normal" strategies have limited success, and both my husband and I are in professions that deal with kids, discipline, and management. You'd think this ONE child wouldn't have us both at our wits' end, and on the verge of some serious anxiety.

Could really use some prayers, and some practical guidance please!!

I hope you find the answers your looking for!

Hi Glass... (I hope you don't mind me shortening your name )

My Smart, Stubborn, Challenging ADHD Daughter

That was a perfect way to describe the ADD daughter

A quick history before I take a stab at this post.

I had a surprise ADD diagnosis about 4 years ago when I was 43. I slipped through the cracks because I was not hyper and developed some pretty good coping skills. After my diagnosis I began reading some ADD books and started posting on ADD websites.

Knowledge about ADD is critical to understanding the ADD behaviors

Many behaviors look angry, defiant and completely illogical and are really based on embarrassment, sadness and complete exhaustion.

The ADD brain is like a race car with bad brakes. (From "Driven to Distraction") We go at full speed until we are exhausted fairly early in the day, then many of our odd behaviors are attemtps to literally stay awake. Moving around, fidgeting, snacking on carb/sugar item, making noises, talking and a key one for many ADDer's is being combative. These things wake you up. They help your brain produce the dopamine that is so inconsistently produced in our heads.

Originally Posted by Glass is Half Full

I am hoping for some helpful, honest feedback from others who have kids...but especially daughters with ADHD. Seems it is more difficult in our society for a girl who is hyperactive than a " good 'ol rough and tumble" boy.

My husband and I are really struggling right now with our 8-yr old daughter. She is smart as a whip, so that is one blessing that we're at least not struggling with school work and grades, but she is like a tornado of energy and defiance.... Like a combination of a fit-throwing toddler (morning meltdowns and evening screeching, arguing, complaining....basically extreme emotion a good bit of the time) and an attitude-y teen all packaged in this talented but frustrating second grader. She can be wonderful and happy sometimes, so I see glimpses of hope..cooperation...compassion...patience....respect....but more often than not we're getting after her for something or other and she's pushing back and displaying a defiant or upset emotion.

I have two daughters (15 and 11) my 15 year old was diagnosed with ADD about a year ago and takes Vyvanse (60mg per day) and is doing extremely well. She caught me by surprise (I can spot an ADDer a mile away these days) because she was never hyper and was a straight "A" student until High School where she was pushed past her limits with AP Classes and Band.

My youngest will get diagnosed next Monday. We wanted to wait because she was young when I suspected she had ADD. ADD was a bit of a sore subject in my house for several years after my diagnosis. My wife did not really believe in ADD. It was more of an excuse disorder in her mind. My wife has come around after the changes in me and our 15 year old.

I started talking to my 11 year old about ADD when I would see behaviors that I remember. It really helped to explain why she was upset from a story of my own childhood. She did not feel alone in her thought process and I could explain ways to think through these situations. She really liked the one on one time too. I helped that I was not angry with her during the discussions. ADDer's feel attacked by angry responses from people, because most of the time we don't realize there is a problem. I did not see a problem until it was blowing up in my face. ADDer's usually don't read the facial expressions and body language that most people take for granted. You may notice that your daughter interupts or talks over people. It is hard for us to know when it is our turn and also we can feel like if I don't say something "Now" I'll forget and mess up "Again".

Poor Executive function is what we ADDer's have. No short term memory because of the short circuits in our brains. We don't forget on purpose, it is that our memory moves to long term too fast. Long term memory is like the Cliff's Notes version. So when we have to recall something there are holes in the memory that we have to "Fill in" and this is where we get into trouble. Big arguments over what was really said or what really happened. We think we are correct because it is our memory. We argue because we don't want to be wrong "Again". Low self esteem is huge in ADDer's. The longer you go before diagnosis the more damage is caused.

She takes 15mg. Of Focalin XR and that makes a difference during the school day but evenings are a challenge, and we have sports and church activities to get through during much of the week.

Evenings are an issue with the XR medications. They are pretty much gone by late afternoon and the ADD symtoms start to come back. Some doctors will prescribe a suplemental small dose of a Short Acting stimulent like Adderal for the evening.

Would really, really appreciate any thoughts, advice, anyone who has been there, done that and can give me some solid parenting advice. The "normal" strategies have limited success, and both my husband and I are in professions that deal with kids, discipline, and management. You'd think this ONE child wouldn't have us both at our wits' end, and on the verge of some serious anxiety.

Could really use some prayers, and some practical guidance please!!

If your daughter is like mine, she is near perfect to people at school and away from home and save all of the "Behavior/Attitude" for us

Understanding ADD is really the key to success here. Diet is important, trying to stay away from carb/sugars as much as possible. Exercise is HUGE for the ADDer because of the dopamine released by the brain during activities. I know I went on an ADD ramble, but I hope some of it made sense

[Maus5321]

Not really anything to add after that long post.
I hope things get better for you and move in the right direction. It is a long road. But things do get better.

[kptclutch]

YYZadd, my friend, you are an ADD scholar!

I really enjoyed reading through the posts.

Good luck to both of y'all with your daughters and family

[Maus5321]

Originally Posted by kptclutch

YYZadd, my friend, you are an ADD scholar!

I really enjoyed reading through the posts.

Good luck to both of y'all with your daughters and family

I love reading through his posts as well. I feel nervous to post sometimes as he is an expert in all aspects lol. I usually give a 1 day buffer and if he does not reply I take a stab lol.

YYZ is the man

I only play ADD Expert on PC. I am just a humble hack programmer who has ADD

[Maus5321]

Originally Posted by YYZadd

I only play ADD Expert on PC. I am just a humble hack programmer who has ADD

lol. If you say so.

[LovelaceF]

Originally Posted by Glass is Half Full

I am hoping for some helpful, honest feedback from others who have kids...but especially daughters with ADHD. Seems it is more difficult in our society for a girl who is hyperactive than a " good 'ol rough and tumble" boy.

My husband and I are really struggling right now with our 8-yr old daughter. She is smart as a whip, so that is one blessing that we're at least not struggling with school work and grades, but she is like a tornado of energy and defiance.... Like a combination of a fit-throwing toddler (morning meltdowns and evening screeching, arguing, complaining....basically extreme emotion a good bit of the time) and an attitude-y teen all packaged in this talented but frustrating second grader. She can be wonderful and happy sometimes, so I see glimpses of hope..cooperation...compassion...patience....respect....but more often than not we're getting after her for something or other and she's pushing back and displaying a defiant or upset emotion.

She takes 15mg. Of Focalin XR and that makes a difference during the school day but evenings are a challenge, and we have sports and church activities to get through during much of the week.

Would really, really appreciate any thoughts, advice, anyone who has been there, done that and can give me some solid parenting advice. The "normal" strategies have limited success, and both my husband and I are in professions that deal with kids, discipline, and management. You'd think this ONE child wouldn't have us both at our wits' end, and on the verge of some serious anxiety.

Could really use some prayers, and some practical guidance please!!

I can really identify with your post. You asked for info about daughters, and I can't help there. I do have an 11 year old son with ADD though.

He's someone who can be extremely volatile. Over the years, I have learned that he responds much more positively to my patience and understanding vs. me having "normal" parental expectations.

My son is very smart, too. He is gifted in verbal subjects in school and will use his gifts to argue his "case".

I am no expert, but I really do think he is not capable of remembering to do simple, routine thing that others can do - for example cleaning his room, brushing his teeth, etc. We use checklists and charts for everything. Part of his problem is that he often feels that he doesn't understand directions. Simplifying expectations and putting them in writing really help, because he will sometimes forget or differently interpret what was asked of him.

Consequences are the same. We write contracts with each other, and stipulate the consequences of not following agreements. This makes discipline extremely effective when the rules are in black and white, in advance.

Of course, my son still become upset if he does not live up to his agreement, but not to the extreme degrees that he did before. I hope this helps, if even a litte.

Best wishes!

[Maus5321]

Originally Posted by LovelaceF

I can really identify with your post. You asked for info about daughters, and I can't help there. I do have an 11 year old son with ADD though.

He's someone who can be extremely volatile. Over the years, I have learned that he responds much more positively to my patience and understanding vs. me having "normal" parental expectations.

My son is very smart, too. He is gifted in verbal subjects in school and will use his gifts to argue his "case".

I am no expert, but I really do think he is not capable of remembering to do simple, routine thing that others can do - for example cleaning his room, brushing his teeth, etc. We use checklists and charts for everything. Part of his problem is that he often feels that he doesn't understand directions. Simplifying expectations and putting them in writing really help, because he will sometimes forget or differently interpret what was asked of him.

Consequences are the same. We write contracts with each other, and stipulate the consequences of not following agreements. This makes discipline extremely effective when the rules are in black and white, in advance.

Of course, my son still become upset if he does not live up to his agreement, but not to the extreme degrees that he did before. I hope this helps, if even a litte.

Best wishes!

I like it. Very cool. Taking all the grey areas out of it and giving him the clear divider of black and white.

Originally Posted by LovelaceF

I can really identify with your post. You asked for info about daughters, and I can't help there. I do have an 11 year old son with ADD though.

He's someone who can be extremely volatile. Over the years, I have learned that he responds much more positively to my patience and understanding vs. me having "normal" parental expectations.

My son is very smart, too. He is gifted in verbal subjects in school and will use his gifts to argue his "case".

I am no expert, but I really do think he is not capable of remembering to do simple, routine thing that others can do - for example cleaning his room, brushing his teeth, etc. We use checklists and charts for everything. Part of his problem is that he often feels that he doesn't understand directions. Simplifying expectations and putting them in writing really help, because he will sometimes forget or differently interpret what was asked of him.

Consequences are the same. We write contracts with each other, and stipulate the consequences of not following agreements. This makes discipline extremely effective when the rules are in black and white, in advance.

Of course, my son still become upset if he does not live up to his agreement, but not to the extreme degrees that he did before. I hope this helps, if even a litte.

Best wishes!

Checklists and charts are my obsession. I'd never get anything done if I didn't make a list telling me to. And I break everything down into step by step process within my list. I also use alarms a lot. I know this sounds pathetic but I actually have daily alarms on my phone throughout the day reminding me to take my medicines and to eat. I can easily forget to eat all day if not reminded because I just get so absorbed in whatever I am doing that I don't think about anything else!

PS it looks like yzzadd gave you great advice! Best of luck to you! Please keep us updated on y'all's progress!!

[TheGuardian023]

My brother has adhd and I remember how hyper he was like your daughter when he was the same age. As years pass, he just started calming down and focused on his own area of interests. He did not take any meds for adhd back then. Just be patient. As she grows up and mature, I am sure she'll outgrow being hyperactive.

It could be crazy at times but you'll miss the days she acts like that. I miss those days with my brother. Now he's just all about computers and talking non stop about communism, racism, and all other negative issues which are not even his issues. I wish that he could just be the happy jumpy kid he was back then.

Hang in there, you'll be okay!

[Beaviz81]

You mentioned your daughter like to throw fits at the evening. I liked that as well, especially if I had argued during the morning with my parents or kid-brother and they took up the thread as soon as I came home. Something of the worst I know is when people lets a fight continue after we had been away, then I deliberately was hell the rest of the day in retaliation for my destroyed day.

[Cocosurviving]

Hi,
I have a 6 yr old daughter that has ADHD. She takes Focalin XR 15 and was taking Wellbutrin. Three weeks ago we took her off Wellbutrin thinking Focalin might be enough. It had been a nightmare. I took her to her pdoc today and she will begin Wellbutrin again. She was doing great and I should have left well enough alone. My daughter had been complaining abt the awful taste of Wellbutrin. We're going to mix it in something different. My daughter sees a child therapist and they go over social skills. She's in Girl Scouts too. The social is really important. My daughter was alienating her classmates and fellow troop mates.