please help! ADD or OCT

Hello,

You know I have spent about an hour writing and then, I had this page saying that I was not logged in...

It's the first time I talk about this, I didn't know what I have until I discovered that it can be an ADD, or an OCT. But, I think that it's an ADD, after taking the online tests.

So, I have escaped from my parents place, and quit my job as an english teacher. because my family was manipulating me so much that I couldn't handle it. Another reason is that I am a lesbian and in my society, it's very difficult to assume it, and have a life and a homosexual family with the acceptance of the family.

We have both escaped my partner and I , for different reasons seven months earlier, which made my family look after me and call me all the time to ask me to return home, and that's only witchcratf and the bla bla bla...

I went there and escaped so many time, in fact we lived in another city a bit far from my home city.

My parents came one day, and found me there, my mum started the scandal, bet me and harceled my partner... And at the end the compromise was that I give them my creadit card and then they will go.

beginning from this traumatic day, even though there were others, I started to feel sever anxiety, huge tiredness and uncontrolable desire to sleep.

And recently, it becomes more and more severe complicated and intense.

These are some symptoms of what I endure in my everyday life:

I can not control my fluid thoughts, which can be stroke by any sound, any noise, any word, any smell, any image, etc...They are here even when I kiss, make out, or have sex with my partner, which makes me very disturbed and annoyed...

these uncontrolable thoughts made me unable to do things that I enjoyed doing in the past. Like reading, when I read I find that I skipp some paragraphs, or pages, without having any ideas of what they are about, because I am so much drowned in my thoughts. this makes me unhappy, and feeling bitterness in the bottom of my heart.

I can no longer write, even though writing was a relief for me ago...
Since I try to correct every spelling, or ponctuation mistake, and that makes me very annoyed, because it stops the flow of my ideas.

When I think I find it hard to remebmer the first idea that stroke my mind, and made me think of other things, though I had a very tough memory.

When I talk, I repeat some word inconsciously, and sometime I can't continue my sentence, as I think uncontrolably of something else.

I have a difficulty organizing my activities, or my tasks during the same activity, which makes me do everything at once, and feel very tired. It's like the flow of ideas coming with housework, or job tasks.

I can't take turns during a conversation or a game for example, it disturbes me, and my interloculers, since I work for a car booking agency, and take and deliver phone calls everyday.

Sometimes, I have the sound of a song in my mind for a long time.

And in the very beginning of my escape I used to have an uncontolable activity with numbers, like counting all the numbers that come into my sight, and found pleasure in that.

I have called my family recently, and I feel some other sever symptoms as:

Sever tiredness, desire to sleep, anger at every small detail...

I hope you can help me out with this, and give me dome piece of advice.

Thank you in advance.

The symptoms you describe above through out the paragraph, have you been having struggles with them even as a young child?
1)Such as did you count as a child?
2) Did you have trouble with intrusive thoughts?
3)Did you have trouble staying focused in school or staying on task?
4)When you say you skip the paragraphs, do you just skip them with out reading them?
5) When I read the part I talk about you correcting spelling/punctuation, it strikes me as if you are doing it as way to try and feel good, because you have control over. Since you do not have control over your parents and the way they are/act.
6) It seems like there maybe a lot of intrusive negative thoughts that you are dealing with by not trying to deal with them, So you try and do things to occupy your mind such as counting, imagining a song, counting anything to make you feel good and in control.

I am not in the profession of mental health so I cannot say for sure what you should do or really how to help, but it sounds like your family is not excepting of your lifestyle of being a homosexual. But You cannot let that hold you back, if they cannot change, although hard cannot effect you. It will take work and you will have to depend on people whom you can trust a lot. I would talk it over with your partner try to work things out slowly and accept that your family does not have the same views as you but that cannot change who you are. Do what makes you happy, not what makes them happy. Also you might try talking to a therapist to try and learn some strategies you can use to cope with the feelings you feel because of these incidences. It it is a slow process, but it can get get better. You just have to be persistent and work at it along with your partner. Lead by example become positive and show that your families negativity is not effecting you and they will slowly start change and accept who you have become as they cannot change you nor should they. They should love you as the child they raised.

--maus

I have the questions for your answers:

1) When I was a child, I only spoke Arabic at first, and in Arabic we have so much dots in our alphabet, so I used to count the letters, end then the dots in the word. And, it made me so proud when I find one that has the same number of letters and dots at the same time.

2) I had intrusive thoughts only when I wash the dishes, I don't know why... at the very beginning I don't remember when it started, but it helped me with poetry, I found myself composing poems, and the first one were exactly while I was doing the dishes.

After that I started to think a lot, and could not make my fingers out of my head, they were playing in my hair without my control.

3) I had no problems at all in class, I was usually the 1st.

4) It means that I can read a whole page, and only my eyes are doing these automatic movements, without me reading really.

Do you think it can be an ADD, or something else?

Thanks so much Maus.

Tristesse.

What is OCT?

1) Makes sense, seems like you were taught patterns and numbers and to look for them in your normal everyday thinking. So you look for a pattern and same number in everything you do so it makes sense.

2) This makes me wonder if this time you finally had a moment to stop and reflect on things over they day week month? Like you were always on the go until now and finally things come flooding forward.

3) for class did it seem like in the early grades you were able get by with your natural intelligence? but as you got into the later grades such as 5th,6th,7th,8th grade, did you start struggling with the material? Did it seem like your natural ability was not enough to get by like it had when you were younger.

4) So like your eyes are moving along the lines and reading the words but the words are not making it past your eyes per say. When this starts to occur, set the book down walk away go do something else. watch tv, look out a window something to take your mind of reading a book. Come back to the book and see if you are refreshed a little bit and can read the material. Try to time how long you can read the book for, 5mins, 10 mins? see if there seems to be a limit.

I cannot tell you if it seems like you do or don't. Would have to see a chronological timeline of your whole life to see similarities and goings, which is what a psychologist or psychiatrist would do to. Might benefit you to talk to one and see what they uncover.

Hey again,


These are the responses to the questions aagain and some complementary information:


For you Misswimmy1: OCT is the Obssessive Complusive Trouble.


Thank you so much Maus, in fact I like the cat in your avatar, I have one at home


1/So, And in the very beginning of my escape I used to have an uncontrollable activity with numbers, like counting all the numbers that come into my sight, and found pleasure in that.

This is a weird uncontrollable activity I used to do in the beginning of the trauma, and now it does no longer happen. I even tried to do it lately, and couldn't, I had pain in the eyes, and the head focusing.


I will give you an example:


0173790575

0+1= 1
7+3=10 =1+0=1

7+9=16 =1+6=7
5+5=10 =1+0=1

And the numbers left are: 0 which we can do without and then 7

Which means that we have 3 ones and three sevens.


This is equivalent to all phone numbers, cars registers, IDs, and so many things in which there are numbers.


There is no coincidence, and maybe the companies follow this rule, I don't know.



2/ I can tell you that in the beginning of my adolescence it helped me with poetry, and after that I was kind of thinking all the time, I think that I am this thinker type, because I read once a study about people's types, and one of them is the thinker, who has a big forehead, can't stop thinking, and can read more than three books at once, I used to read more than two books at once, but now, it's beginning to be hard for me to read only one chapter of a book. Then I lose interest.


Look at pictures of all scientists and philosophers, writers and thinkers, and you will notice that they have long foreheads.


3/ In middle school, I had some problems with mathematics, since we had a teacher who wasn't good enough, and other students, did extra hours to be more efficent while I didn't because my parents couldn't afford it, or had other priorities, even when they knew that I had very good grades before.


In primary school first, I had very good grades, but when I saw that my parents didn't pay attention to that, I started losing interest, and had medium grades. I was good at French and Mathematics.


After that in middle school, I had only problems with mathematics.


In high school I did literature studies, where I excelled. Even though there were 3 traumatic events in the same year when I was in the second year of high school: My grand uncle, grand aunt,( who was my real mother in fact). And brother who helped me do some extra hours when I was in 4th grade in primary school died all , in the very same year, and not at once.




At university, I studied English which I liked, and was among the first students, in the English department, that a teacher waited for me to come to start his lesson, because I one the one who interacted fully with him.


I was able to have good grades only through concentration in class, I wasn't the kind that revises to have good marks.



Note: My fluid uncontrollable thoughts helped me at that time, since I felt that I was in the same level with the proffessors, and could even read their minds.


3/ For concentration and reading, I started to do this with all activities, to vary, and let my brain relax from time to time: For example, when I am in a dark room for one hour let's say watching a movie with my partner, I get bored and have an urge to go to the other room, and watch the sky and people through the window...


I don't do a time limit for my concentration, but, I will in fact, to keep record of the case.


Thank you so much, hope it's not so long.