[-jimi-]

Today I had to see a psych nurse because I take Ritalin. Before they could leave me for years without checking on me, just refill over the phone, benzos and all. But I guess where I live, Ritalin is the harshest grade there is. So a lot of checking. It feels weird since they didn't give a dang before if I lived or died.

Anyway, I went through the process of being weighed, had my pulse and blood pressure checked. Then I also have to do a drug screening. I have had one before, and they checked for "normal" drugs like things I have actually heard about. This screening list was a mile long and had things I googled that are used for heroin users to come off heroin and stuff. Big WTH. Still I understand they have to treat everyone the same.

When I did the first screening (which I of course passed since I don't do street drugs), my former nurse understood my total fear of peeing in front of people and had my testing changed to only blood work. This nurse wasn't as understanding. She thought it's totally natural to pee while people are watching. I told her I can't even pee if my friend talks to me through the door! She thought I made that one up...... But it is true! It took me AGES to even start to use public lavatories, it was a long process and I'm so totally not where I can pee in front of someone.

She said she will check my records and look at how they reasoned last time, and get back to me after the weekend to tell me if I get to do the blood stuff instead. Good gawd why not allow it right off? It's not like I can bring anyone elses blood....

But if she doesn't find a strong enough reason from last time, I will not get my meds. Simple as that.

I have many fears and quirks stemming from Asperger's and MANY times have I been withhold care because of my AS, because I could not do exactly like I was told. Like I hate to be touched and have to collect myself like one minute for it, and usually they don't even allow for it and tell me if I'm going to be oppositional they will cancel all the treatment. I missed out on so much care because of AS already. I wonder if they discriminate the same when it comes to people with blindness or cognitive challenges like "Hey read this and if you can't you don't get treatment"...

Screw this. Totally.

[Travelinglady]

jimi, I have what are referred to as "shy kidneys," too. I have a difficult time providing a sample when I go to regular doctors' appointments. It's like when I'm given that cup and told to produce, my urinary system shuts right down. And that's when I can go into the bathroom by myself and shut the door! I can't imagine having to go in front of somebody.

(I've tried running the tap water, even, to give a hint to the bladder.)

And, yes, I have had some nurses be downright hateful about it! That sure doesn't help any!

Maybe since this issue might be a matter of not being able to take Ritalin any more, then maybe you could talk to a doctor about it. If you find out something that can get the flow going, then please let me know!

By the way, I am sometimes successful when I drink a lot of liquids a couple of hours before I go and just hold it in until I get to the appointment, when I am desperate. Also, the soda called Mountain Dew tends to run right through me. I think I'd be able to go after drinking a bunch of that if I were even given a pot and told to pee in front of the entire world!

[-jimi-]

Thanx. But the whole concept freaks me out. It's not just getting to pee. If I know I'm WATCHED I couldn't even pull down my pants. I would freeze in motion. I mean, they don't even seem to understand that when they touch me with their SKIN to take my pulse, I want to die. I want to disappear and never come back ever. They don't get how hard it is for me to comply, still I comply. I freaking need to be able to choose a sticker after that!!!! LOL. I got kicked out of a rheumy once because I would not stand BUTT NAKED in front of him. I just froze and I could not even leave the room. I had to try to thaw myself while he was scalding me.

I hate health care. It is so autism unfriendly!!!

[Travelinglady]

Oh, okay.

[medicalfox]

I actually for a career collect specimens from patients and when they are not able to urinate I just administer a saliva test which is very simple and easy. I wonder why they didn't give you that kind of test or even that blood test. I would ask for a different psych nurse if possible or speak to her supervisor about this issue.

[-jimi-]

I can't pick and choose nurses, I get who I get, plus she wasn't downright horrible, at that clinic I there is one nurse that sabotages patients for fun and one who fakes charts. When us patients tell others they just say we're mentally ill so we cannot really tell.... I strive to have as little as possible to do with the clinic, but I still need my meds so if I make too much fuss they might pull all my meds as punishment as they have in the past. I'm terrified of upsetting them and there is no other clinic to turn to. I'd rather keep the peace and not lose my antidepressant and anti anxiety med.

[Travelinglady]

That's unfortunate. Yeah, better not make waves.

[-jimi-]

I'm tired from being tense all week. She was about to contact me in the beginning of the week and I started worrying already on Saturday. Then Monday came and went, Tuesday too and now Wednesday.

No one can claim Thursday is the beginning of the week. But I won't say anything because then it ends up the same who said what and that I must have "hallucinated" that she said what she said.

That is their little trick. Every time they break their promises I have "hallucinated" it. Yea, us ADD-people are so so psychotic... yanno...

[-jimi-]

Friday no call.

I don't know if I dare calling Monday. I'm starting to get really scared of them because of the past and remembering things from years ago. So stupid! I should be stronger now.

I woke up at 5 am starting to worry at once. Stupid brain.

[-jimi-]

Tuesday no call. I decided I cannot trust a nurse to overlook my treatment that does not give a crap calling me about such an important item that I'm stopping the ritalin until my old nurse comes back, if she does.

I should not be the only one with obligations. If they make promises to me, KEEP THEM!!!! Or go away and leave me alone!

I can't stand BOTH the stressor of having demands and entrapments I cannot fulfill because of my mental conditions AND be pushed aside like I'm nothing.

They can go suck an egg.

I'm free at last.

[browning]

tell her if she pees in front of u u will pee in front of her i bet she wont do it

[Numbed]

Lol -Jimi-

I've been through pretty much the same thing, still have problems urinating in public facilities though.

I tried Ritalin after concerta, and the instability on Ritalin, it's actually painful.

I agree the mental health service not exactly being ASD friendly, I have managed to restrain myself though from verbally flooring everyone who think they know better and treat me with less than condescension. How'd you manage it?

Actually just writ a long manic post about treatment with my Psychiatrist and how only I got worse, and how She treated me. Might make some interesting reading, if you're able to follow the mess I made of it that is, ha.

Ugh, experienced the same thing with "anxiety med" the other week, Psychiatrist was supposed to send me a letter to let me know of the decision on whether She or GP would prescribe, 4 weeks waited... saw the letter on her computer screen though, She read it... but didn't verbalise the "I'm sorry I didn't know" part...

Stupid b****. Can't even remember what dose She's prescribing of MPH half the time.

Nice to see someone else on the forums, similar to me and similar experiences.

I challenge you to a duel good sir! Lol.
"Rain check!" *stumbles off to bed*

[-jimi-]

He he.

Anyway, I will bring it up with the rental doc I'm seeing in August. He is not tied to the clinic and I'll just tell him the Ritalin worked fine but I'm off it because the fancy team that they have not to forget people like the clinic did before, did forget me... And I have no interest in being monitored by people who forget me.

See what he says. Also I will make sure he doesn't mess up my other prescriptions the way the last doc did so I ran out of Xanax. Those losers...

[-jimi-]

So this took a turn for the worse. The doc I saw (was a she) was the same one that messed up my Xanax prescription on purpose so I would run out. She also stomped around the room and yelled at me for using Xanax at all.

I told her I went off Ritalin because I never got a response from the nurse. She had a look in my files and there was no entry for when I saw the nurse. Instead of admitting that someone made a serious mistake, she told me the nurse did not exist and that I made it all up!

Of course it really upset me and she was mean and cruel through the whole appointment, it started with her not even wanting to shake hands (which is custom here). Anyway I made it clear once again I will not do the drug screening and said the nurse would check if doing it in blood instead of in urine was possible. Of course I got yelled at some more, because doing it in blood seems more expensive. Anyway, she told me she would bring it up with the team and see if I could go back on Ritalin without the drug screening for one year and after that they make a new decision. This was the only good thing about the appointment, else it was awful and triggery.

I asked her that any reply should be in writing. She agreed. Still she called me. I did not care because the news was good, I was indeed allowed a year on the med without the drug screening.

So, that was that. I thought.

Yesterday I got a new load of paperwork from the non existent nurse demanding I take the pee test within 24 hours or all my meds will be withheld. I assume my nurse and my doc never met, they should have they work at the same small clinic!!! But even if they did not, the nurse should be able to look at my chart and see I was freed from the pee test. So I assume the doc never documented it.

And I have no written proof either.

Going off and on this med is not good, it destabilizes me totally and also this kind of hassle triggers me to the point of wanting to give up. Yesterday I just popped out all the Xanax from one blister round and downed them. It didn't calm me. I was still scared and upset.

I seriously don't think I can do this. I can't fight people who mentally spit on me and kick me. I shouldn't have to do this. I should be treated as a person. Actually I should even be treated nicer than a normal person since I have a mental problem. But no. For some reason I have no rights. For some reason I am in the same group as criminals.

At the same time my nurse friend tells me ER care is deteriorating and that docs illegally withhold care for people deemed not worthy so they die. And it is now a constant, normal thing to save money.

This world is too cruel for me. I don't have any fight left in me.

All I have is a shytload of flashbacks from former mental abuse in psychiatric "care".