[Claire2015]

One of my few ADD friends has a pretty sharp tongue, she will tell you how much she loves you one minute and pretend like she doesn't know you the next.... Is this a personality trait or ADHD symptom?

For instance she blocked me because "i talk too much" and "we're not friends" although i'm just being a friend to her regardless of this. I know she will turn to me when her hyperfocus ends and she dumps her boyfriend as usual. So if she does this why does she block me, tell me i don't mean anything to her because she has other friends (all of which she is no longer friends with) so why does she say such extreme stuff when she doesn't seem to mean it?

Claire

[gayleggg]

Sounds like there is more going on than just ADD. Do you know if she is under the care of doctor? You are a good friend to put with this kind of treatment. I hope your friend gets things straightened out soon.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[Claire2015]

Originally Posted by gayleggg

Sounds like there is more going on than just ADD. Do you know if she is under the care of doctor? You are a good friend to put with this kind of treatment. I hope your friend gets things straightened out soon.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

Thank you for replying as far as i know she has only been diagnosed she hasn't taken meds or had counselling or any treatment which makes me wonder whether or not it is her ADD causing this or something more. Thank you it is pretty hard when she has a go at you for no reason and lets boyfriends and other friends have a go at you as well.... Very hard to handle at times

Claire

[JosephR]

adhd tends to have co-morbids....

[robcalher]

Sounds to me like she is using/manipulating you. Like you're there for her convenience. If I were you I would forget about her. You can find better friends. Doesn't sound like it has anything to do with her ADD. Just my humble opinion.

[Claire2015]

Originally Posted by JosephR

adhd tends to have co-morbids....

I remember you saying how you throw up sometimes from things you say, i suppose it is a comorbid to some people

Thank you for replying

Claire

[Claire2015]

Originally Posted by robcalher

Sounds to me like she is using/manipulating you. Like you're there for her convenience. If I were you I would forget about her. You can find better friends. Doesn't sound like it has anything to do with her ADD. Just my humble opinion.

That is what i have been thinking but when i confront her she gets upset saying she wouldn't do that and were friends.... It feels like that almost as if i'm her last option when all else fails. Thank you for that i really appreciate that advice, ADD/HD doesn't seem to cause manipulative/ vendictive behaviour as my other ADHD friends don't do that.

Do you find it easy to make and keep friends? If you don't mind me asking

Claire

[Claire2015]

Could it be a defense mechanism?

[thecrankyone]

It could be another diagnosis, or she could just be a jerk face.

I used have a friend like that, I was basically her "plan b until something better comes along friend". You deserve better than that.

[Claire2015]

Originally Posted by thecrankyone

It could be another diagnosis, or she could just be a jerk face.

I used have a friend like that, I was basically her "plan b until something better comes along friend". You deserve better than that.

Thank you for replying it could be does personality disorders cover this behaviour, i'm trying really hard to find a reason behind this to make it easier some how... Although she is probably a jerk like you say. Wow that must of been relieving getting rid of that girl she sounds unpleasant just stringing you along. Thank you i really appreciate it

Claire

[robcalher]

Originally Posted by Claire2015

That is what i have been thinking but when i confront her she gets upset saying she wouldn't do that and were friends.... It feels like that almost as if i'm her last option when all else fails. Thank you for that i really appreciate that advice, ADD/HD doesn't seem to cause manipulative/ vendictive behaviour as my other ADHD friends don't do that.

Do you find it easy to make and keep friends? If you don't mind me asking

Claire

I certainly don't mind you asking. No, I do not make friends with people easily, if at all. As a matter of fact I have no friends. I am a loner. I have high anxiety around people and social situations so that doesn't help. I've been independent pretty much all my life until recently. I just moved in with my mom, brother, and her friend. I have trouble getting "close" to people. As this is when you become vulnerable. I used to use alcohol to ease my anxiety so I used to have a lot of drinking "friends" but we all know those are not real friends. I have had close friends and girlfriends in the past but I have been stabbed in the back one way or another by about 80% of them. I have been taken advantage and used many times. So I do not open up easily. A lot of brick walls around me. So I know what it's like to be used/manipulated and also know what it's like to be lonely. Know what it's like to be defensive too. So if you don't have many friends and are afraid of losing this friend for fear of being lonely, I can completely understand that. It will not be worth getting burned/hurt in the end though. Especially if you've invested so much in this "friendship." Which it sounds like you have. As someone else mentioned, her pushing you away at times could be defense mechanism. As it is something I have used consciously and subconsciously in the past. To me it still sounds like the manipulative/using part. So to answer your main question again, no it is very difficult for me to make and/or keep friends.

[Claire2015]

Originally Posted by robcalher

I certainly don't mind you asking. No, I do not make friends with people easily, if at all. As a matter of fact I have no friends. I am a loner. I have high anxiety around people and social situations so that doesn't help. I've been independent pretty much all my life until recently. I just moved in with my mom, brother, and her friend. I have trouble getting "close" to people. As this is when you become vulnerable. I used to use alcohol to ease my anxiety so I used to have a lot of drinking "friends" but we all know those are not real friends. I have had close friends and girlfriends in the past but I have been stabbed in the back one way or another by about 80% of them. I have been taken advantage and used many times. So I do not open up easily. A lot of brick walls around me. So I know what it's like to be used/manipulated and also know what it's like to be lonely. Know what it's like to be defensive too. So if you don't have many friends and are afraid of losing this friend for fear of being lonely, I can completely understand that. It will not be worth getting burned/hurt in the end though. Especially if you've invested so much in this "friendship." Which it sounds like you have. As someone else mentioned, her pushing you away at times could be defense mechanism. As it is something I have used consciously and subconsciously in the past. To me it still sounds like the manipulative/using part. So to answer your main question again, no it is very difficult for me to make and/or keep friends.

Thank you so so much for taking the time to write all that and share your story i honestly appreciate it so much it is such a good insight. Is it fair to say ADHD can make it hard to make and keep friends because others react in an unpleasant way you kind of isolate yourself to protect yourself? My friend does that it is almost as if she is hiding her ADD from people cause she is embarassed and anxious.

My friend drinks a lot... Well i say a lot we're 18 so technically it's the 'norm' at this age but she drinks excessively when she does drink to the point she is paralytic. Did drinking alleviate the ADHD or exasperate it? In a way it's a blessing that you shy'd away from those backstabbers and users so you could be happier, i understand how you must feel as my friend has barely kept any friends since about 4 as her mum is best friends with the other girl's mum so they kind of stay in eachothers life cause of that. But i have seen her breakdown saying she "has no friends" although i was there and her family friend she claims her 'friends' are the people she hangs out with instead of who is there for her.

You got to protect yourself there is nothing wrong with that and i think anyone who tries to hurt and break other people down tend to act out cause they've got a lot of hurt and frustration within them. As i always say 'it is easier to point the finger than to look in the mirror' so maybe my friend might find it easier to blame me for this that and the other as a defence mechanism for having so many other backstabbers and users blame her. Maybe you could be the same i don't know though.

I am always here if you'd like someone to talk to cause no one should be alone

Claire

[JosephR]

Originally Posted by Claire2015

I remember you saying how you throw up sometimes from things you say, i suppose it is a comorbid to some people

Thank you for replying

Claire

I was in my early 20's when that happened, Someone we knew went in an intake and..for the life of me I can not tell you what I said. I tend to be the last one who knows what I am about to say. But I said something to quip a joke to cope.

I hate my brain.

[Claire2015]

Originally Posted by JosephR

I was in my early 20's when that happened, Someone we knew went in an intake and..for the life of me I can not tell you what I said. I tend to be the last one who knows what I am about to say. But I said something to quip a joke to cope.

I hate my brain.

That sounds tough if you can't help it you shouldn't be blamed for it, although others may not know the real reason and assume you're purposely being obnoxious. Thank you for sharing that

Claire

[Claire2015]

Are you aware of the devastation of hurtful things you say once you say them or can you lose track of the conversation or drift off? Think that came out abit patronising i didn't mean it in that way. Is it easy to say unfiltered things subconsciously?

Claire

[robcalher]

I still think it sounds like her using you as a last resort when she feels like she needs something or has no one else at the moment. But how would I really know? I've never met her. It sounds like she probably doesn't have many other real friends other than you, as you have stated. So she probably feels lonely and frustrated, along with low self esteem. This is when she probably takes things out on you and pushes you away. She also may feel bad and guilty about yelling and acting on her impulses after she realizes what she has done. I still don't think that's something a real friend would do. Unless maybe they were under the influence. You said she drinks a lot and it's probably to self medicate, along with ya'all being only 18. As for me when I would drink a lot when I was younger, it would actually help me focus. I could do something for hours. Later on in life it seemed to make things much worse. Couldn't focus on anything. Then again in my later years of drinking I was drinking so much more. Up to three pints of hard liquor a day. So there is a big difference there. I would like to have friends but it is hard when you isolate yourself. Maybe it's the same for your friend. I don't know. Anyways, was kinda losing my train of thought so I hope what I typed came out the right way and I hoped I answered your questions.

[Claire2015]

Originally Posted by robcalher

I still think it sounds like her using you as a last resort when she feels like she needs something or has no one else at the moment. But how would I really know? I've never met her. It sounds like she probably doesn't have many other real friends other than you, as you have stated. So she probably feels lonely and frustrated, along with low self esteem. This is when she probably takes things out on you and pushes you away. She also may feel bad and guilty about yelling and acting on her impulses after she realizes what she has done. I still don't think that's something a real friend would do. Unless maybe they were under the influence. You said she drinks a lot and it's probably to self medicate, along with ya'all being only 18. As for me when I would drink a lot when I was younger, it would actually help me focus. I could do something for hours. Later on in life it seemed to make things much worse. Couldn't focus on anything. Then again in my later years of drinking I was drinking so much more. Up to three pints of hard liquor a day. So there is a big difference there. I would like to have friends but it is hard when you isolate yourself. Maybe it's the same for your friend. I don't know. Anyways, was kinda losing my train of thought so I hope what I typed came out the right way and I hoped I answered your questions.

Of course it came out the right way i really appreciate you taking the time to write that out. I want to believe that she is acting out from being hurt repeatedly so maybe you're right. Although you do raise a good point about true friends not doing that, maybe if you are repeatedly hurt by people you won't feel the need to be one back to people as no amount of effort will help once attention shifts. I dont know though, this is why i wish i had ADHD so i could understand from experience.

Your drinking helped you focus so is it fair to say you use that as a self medication instead of meds cause it is a more subtle way of handling it? I understand why you would isolate yourself to protect yourself from being hurt by others who don't understand.

Thank you so much for sharing that

Claire

[JosephR]

One thing I have noticed in myself, Emotionally I have what I will call numb area's from others exploitation. So often I will treat others as if they have the same numb area. Its not an excuse for behavior. As for manipulation... For me it is very easy to do. I have allot of relations whom that is their bread and butter. I'm not as good as my sister or father. But I am far more aware of it then they are.

[Claire2015]

Originally Posted by JosephR

One thing I have noticed in myself, Emotionally I have what I will call numb area's from others exploitation. So often I will treat others as if they have the same numb area. Its not an excuse for behavior. As for manipulation... For me it is very easy to do. I have allot of relations whom that is their bread and butter. I'm not as good as my sister or father. But I am far more aware of it then they are.

Thank you for that, it is interesting so in a way you assume others are like you and be okay with it. My friend does that where she will do something assuming someone else will be okay with it thinking they will be on the same wave length as her. It tends to escalate quickly though when they react in a way she wasn't expecting or doesn't know how to handle.

It sounds like it is naturally instilled in you, it is good you're more self aware and maybe you will be able to manage it without coming across as a manipulator. I think it is good as a defence mechanism.

Claire

[JosephR]

One instance where I am somewhat numb to something that others are not so much. Respect for peoples personal time and dignity.

Historically, Most people I knew did not respect mine. If my father had a friend who needed to move, I found out about it when I got home from school. (and my sister who would do the same later when I got home from work). So for me it was a lesson in learning that one should respect other peoples time. As for dignity...Well I tend to be blunt. No one has pulled punches with me in life growing up when it came to feed back, So. Well It was not until much later that someone sat me down and walked me though why one should not say what they see.
((Occasionally I convince myself that I am paranoid and my relations are not that toxic, But then I talk to them for ten minutes and I see it again))

Although In the past few years, I began to enforce on my personal boundaries, And got very very rude about it. It seems that was the language that worked for my relations. My father will be like "help me put up a barn" And I'll reply "We have done this before, You use crap used and rotted wood, and you refuse to let anyone build it right, **** you. I'm modeling a character now"...That bluntness is fully intentional. Its what is related to express a no, and a why. and hint at the terms that might give a yes.

[Claire2015]

Originally Posted by JosephR

One instance where I am somewhat numb to something that others are not so much. Respect for peoples personal time and dignity.

Historically, Most people I knew did not respect mine. If my father had a friend who needed to move, I found out about it when I got home from school. (and my sister who would do the same later when I got home from work). So for me it was a lesson in learning that one should respect other peoples time. As for dignity...Well I tend to be blunt. No one has pulled punches with me in life growing up when it came to feed back, So. Well It was not until much later that someone sat me down and walked me though why one should not say what they see.
((Occasionally I convince myself that I am paranoid and my relations are not that toxic, But then I talk to them for ten minutes and I see it again))

Although In the past few years, I began to enforce on my personal boundaries, And got very very rude about it. It seems that was the language that worked for my relations. My father will be like "help me put up a barn" And I'll reply "We have done this before, You use crap used and rotted wood, and you refuse to let anyone build it right, **** you. I'm modeling a character now"...That bluntness is fully intentional. Its what is related to express a no, and a why. and hint at the terms that might give a yes.

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply it means a lot, that sounds pretty tough. I could be wrong but ADHD can heighten your senses so maybe on some level you unintentionally listen in on peoples private stuff, i could be wrong though but again it seems like to a degree that is out of your control. I am so glad to hear you're working on it and learning what ticks people off or may irritate them.

I am so happy that you are so self aware cause the ADHD'ers i know aren't very self aware and it causes much aggro with close friends and family who will get the blame for everything. I don't blame you for being blunt, straight to the point and simple can be a good way of handling things, maybe try and suger coat it a little so anytime you think that is too blunt throw a little positive comment in there and you should be okay

Claire