Playing It Safe

I know many people with ADHD most of which have two personalities, first one being their natural self and the second being the safer person. They all have this same trait where they try to be on their best behaviour and become someone they're not, when around strangers or people they wish to impress.

I try to encourage them to be themselves as they shouldn't become someone they're not just to 'fit' in with the crowd. I get vibes that they are almost ashamed or embarassed of who they are....

Does anyone else experience this?

Claire

I can relate. Middle school and the first few years of high school were really tough for me. I wasn't diagnosed with ADHD until I was a freshman in high school, but it is so obvious in hindsight that I had it all along and my social life suffered because of it. I can totally relate to what you are saying about having two personalities. My ADHD really impacted my ability to make and keep friends. The older you get, the less acceptable it is to blurt out random comments, interrupt conversations, and overwhelm a group of people trying to just hang out together because you are bouncing off the walls with enthusiasm for whatever your newfound hobby is. I really began to notice that people didn't seem to want to be around me for all of the reasons I just listed. So I tried to tone myself down. I stopped participating in conversations. I would just observe other people and try not to get in the way. I wasn't ashamed of who I was. But I just didn't like the cold shoulder I seemed to get when I was myself.

It's better now though. I've learned how to socialize without completely becoming a different person. I do still have to be more conscious of my behavior when I'm around people that I don't know very well but I have been able to find that balance between being true to myself and coming off as socially appropriate.

Yes. I have trying to play it safe all my life. There are situations and people i avoid (types).I am very concerned with what they might think or say about me.

I completely understand. Been there and still do. It hurts to feel left out . I try very hard not to interject , but if the subject conversation is something i know very well. I try not to even be a part of cause I don't want to seem like i am taking control. I have a fairly high IQ. In general knowledge and even higher in my field of work.

Everyone adapts to their surroundings. There can be quite harsh punishments if you do things "wrong" the way other people see it. It's not the same as being ashamed, it is more to protect yourself from being stomped on.

Totally agree . 100% Self protection.

Thank you for responding and replying to my question i really appreciate it is it fair to say as a kid everyone could seem a little bit ADHD as kids can be hyperactive and have short attention spans? Almost like you kinda blend in, it's when high school comes along that people mature and people with mental illnesses stick out like a sore thumb (i suffer from an anxiety disorder) so i can understand first hand what it is like to feel different from the crowd.

I really feel for you, i think ADHD'ers are cool, spontaneous, exciting people, my life wouldn't be the same with my ADHD friends and family. The fact that people shunned you for being yourself is harsh. That is something my friends do they just sit back and observe the conversation, until they get overwhelmed and need to go for a walk or just move about.

Cold shoulder is good though as you're protecting yourself thank you for sharing that i really appreciate it i'm learning something new everyday

Claire

Thank you for answering my question i understand how you feel i can relate with anxiety that sometimes ignorance is bliss, id rather avoid people or situations that make me uncomfortable than to be in that situation and end up hearing it first hand face to face.

Thank you again

Claire

Thank you for responding i feel for you no one should be left out, especially when you are passionate about that subject.

Thank you again

Claire

Thank you for replying that must be tough when you're just being yourself. I understand so its like your armour against people who don't understand you, that is pretty cool.

Thank you again

Claire

I have always had issues with feeling different. The anxiety to talk to to someone in fear i may say the wrong thing. I have since got a grasp on this and want the world to know that i am no different, i am fun loving and would do anyhting for anybody.

Over the years not really knowing or understanding i found that I developed an anxiety towards speaking to others. But what's ironic is in high school i particpated in several public speaking contests. I had a teacher that absolutely wouldn't give up on me. Don't really know why? I actually did well.I often wonder why he pushed me so hard. It's not that my fear is speaking to a stranger .......it's speaking to someone i really care about. Strangers are nothing because I'm in their lives and gone. It's the people that are close to me. That i try to protect myself. Love to talk more.

Thank you so much for sharing that i feel for you have you met people that make you feel comfortable with yourself or the same as them? I can understand what it's like to feel different and having to be alert incase you say or do something that makes you stand out more.

I fully believe that as i know ADHD'ers who would drop everything for someone in a heartbeat and are the most generous, loving, sympathetic people i know. I understand why you'd play it safe though i hope you have someone you can be 100% yourself with.

Thank you again

Claire

Thank you for responding i can understand how you feel. Although i am terrible a public speaking too so that aspect is an advantage for you as you can base your career on it if you so wish. I think you probably conveyed your knowledge and potential which made your teacher so persistent. I could be wrong though i don't know you or your circumstances.

That is understandable it's the people that know you that end up taking things ti heart more often than strangers. I get why you'd play it safe

Claire

Yes i think so too. Some people just dont get our thought process. Kinda feel like your so different. Like you dont fit in. But u have to get to a point where u know that everyone has issues just not the same ones

I struggled with the worry of messing up. I dont think too much about it now. I know i am a good person and if someone doesnt see that then that is their loss. I havent found someone that i can be 100 percent with..but i will. Thank u

Thank you for replying i agree it seems like being think being labelled with ADHD is a terrible thing and that those people should be avoided cause they are "different". When thats not the case so many people have underlying mental conditions they probably aren't aware of cause it doesn't impact their lives the way it might for others.

Exactly it's a thought process yet you get treated differently cause people assume that you're 'special' or 'obnoxious' when they have no idea about it nor what it feels like to have it (i don't have it unfortunately i wish i did though i adore my friends and cousins with it)

I wrote another post about if the whole world had ADHD would it make everyone feel the same cause it would be the 'norm' and no one would know any different?

I agree with you 100% thank you again

Claire

Thank you again that must be hard and draining as well cause not only do you have to keep up with the convo, try and remain quiet without blurting out what you want to say midsentence but you also have to worry about messing up. I dunno about you but the more i worry about making mistakes the more mistakes i subconsciously make. I never make mistakes when i can it's normally when i shouldn't or when there are consequences that i end up being like bambi on ice trying to not mess up.

Exactly it is their loss as i always tell my friend who has ADD "if they can't handle ya they can't have ya" best wishes finding someone to be yourself with hopefully that could boost your confidence in not worrying about messing up

Thank you again

Claire