[kallyw]

Looking for hearing from friends are the same as me, as a lot of times I feel so lonely in the world. I experienced too much pain, phycological, depressed, self doubt, felt lonely, felt helpless. I could had sleep problem for over 5 years because of ADHD.

I did everything to try to conceal the fact that I have ADHD after I started my career. Now I am working as a portfolio manager at one of the largest investment company in the states. I work very hard and try to concentrate while talking, and because my work is very outstanding, it hides my communication weakness. All my colleagues respect me, and like me. I had to say I am lucky, as when I was young, I was always the student in the last percentile, because I never could concentrate at class, and always forgot homework, never could sit still in the classroom, and extremely careless while taking exams. In terms of communication, as I could not concentrate even talking with others face to face, and my mind was jumping from A to Z and to A again, people always felt difficulty in communicating with me. But good thing is, as I grew up, I became more and more self-esteem (at high school). I felt bad that I got bad score, so one day before the exam, I concentrated and studid overnight, and next day when I took exam, I got high score. I was able to go to the top university, and after completing my undergraduate education, I took GMAT with 730, and went another top school to study finance. But until that time, I still had serious ADHD, I was not able to network well (especially for a b-school student, this is quite important), and did not make many friends at school. I interviewed with some top banks for a few times, and because of communication problem, I lost a few very good opportunity to work in good departments. But I guess with gaining work experience, I started to have more opportunities to live in a social environment, to interact with others, and I started to get to used to communicating with others. I have the same problem as before, but now I am able to conceal it. This is something I never want anybody know, and I want to talk to someone, and I want to also listen to others' stories. That is why I come here. Thank you for reading through my story.

btw... if my parents knew I had ADHD and started treatment when I was a child, maybe I would have less pain. So I also hope to help some parents, and tell them how to help their children.

A summary of my progress:
When I was a child, I
1. Had extremely bad temper while talking to everyone
2. Could not sit still for 1 mins and kept on talking, very energetic
3. Could not concentrate, on class, while talking to others, or reading
4. Forget things very easily, late for appointment, make tinny mistakes
5. Mind jump too fast
Now, I
1. Still bad temper but only to my family, can control in an office environment
2. Able to sit still and talk as a normal person if I pay attention to my behavior, still v roy energetic, sleep only for 5-6 hours a day and do a lot of work
3. Concentration problem is really difficult to conquer, but I should say a little bit better than before
4. Make tiny mistakes as always, could not control, but better than before. Late for appointment, forget things, poor memory, still the same, but should be better than before
5. Mind jump, better than before class trying to think as a normal person, follow others' way of thinking

With ADHD, I can only do jobs with lots of creativity, maths, designs, strategies, but not routine work.

[unbreakablej]

This is one place for me to come and vent etc. too. I wish I was diagnosed earlier. I might have at least gotten through University properly.

Supposed to be doing some rushed work for tomorrow and I can barely concentraet. It is terrible.

[kallyw]

Originally Posted by unbreakablej

This is one place for me to come and vent etc. too. I wish I was diagnosed earlier. I might have at least gotten through University properly.

Supposed to be doing some rushed work for tomorrow and I can barely concentraet. It is terrible.

Thank you for your reply. I find it's difficult for me to concentrate if I need to read articles or if it's a routine job. But if it's maths-related or creative job, I will be able to concentrate. What kind of job are you doing?

[avlady]

you sound articulate, i know you are smart, maybe the other bad things you think about yourself aren't as bad as you think? i don't mean to discard them, but could you see a doc or t? my son is now 24 years old and is having ADHD problems like you say, and is on meds which are helping him now too.thank you for posting this-good luck

[alwaysin6thgear]

Originally Posted by kallyw

Looking for hearing from friends are the same as me, as a lot of times I feel so lonely in the world. I experienced too much pain, phycological, depressed, self doubt, felt lonely, felt helpless. I could had sleep problem for over 5 years because of ADHD.

I did everything to try to conceal the fact that I have ADHD after I started my career. Now I am working as a portfolio manager at one of the largest investment company in the states. I work very hard and try to concentrate while talking, and because my work is very outstanding, it hides my communication weakness. All my colleagues respect me, and like me. I had to say I am lucky, as when I was young, I was always the student in the last percentile, because I never could concentrate at class, and always forgot homework, never could sit still in the classroom, and extremely careless while taking exams. In terms of communication, as I could not concentrate even talking with others face to face, and my mind was jumping from A to Z and to A again, people always felt difficulty in communicating with me. But good thing is, as I grew up, I became more and more self-esteem (at high school). I felt bad that I got bad score, so one day before the exam, I concentrated and studid overnight, and next day when I took exam, I got high score. I was able to go to the top university, and after completing my undergraduate education, I took GMAT with 730, and went another top school to study finance. But until that time, I still had serious ADHD, I was not able to network well (especially for a b-school student, this is quite important), and did not make many friends at school. I interviewed with some top banks for a few times, and because of communication problem, I lost a few very good opportunity to work in good departments. But I guess with gaining work experience, I started to have more opportunities to live in a social environment, to interact with others, and I started to get to used to communicating with others. I have the same problem as before, but now I am able to conceal it. This is something I never want anybody know, and I want to talk to someone, and I want to also listen to others' stories. That is why I come here. Thank you for reading through my story.

btw... if my parents knew I had ADHD and started treatment when I was a child, maybe I would have less pain. So I also hope to help some parents, and tell them how to help their children.

A summary of my progress:
When I was a child, I
1. Had extremely bad temper while talking to everyone
2. Could not sit still for 1 mins and kept on talking, very energetic
3. Could not concentrate, on class, while talking to others, or reading
4. Forget things very easily, late for appointment, make tinny mistakes
5. Mind jump too fast
Now, I
1. Still bad temper but only to my family, can control in an office environment
2. Able to sit still and talk as a normal person if I pay attention to my behavior, still v roy energetic, sleep only for 5-6 hours a day and do a lot of work
3. Concentration problem is really difficult to conquer, but I should say a little bit better than before
4. Make tiny mistakes as always, could not control, but better than before. Late for appointment, forget things, poor memory, still the same, but should be better than before
5. Mind jump, better than before class trying to think as a normal person, follow others' way of thinking

With ADHD, I can only do jobs with lots of creativity, maths, designs, strategies, but not routine work.

First, welcome to this site, you'll find a lot of great info and also communicate with people with ADD that have similar issues and find out very quickly that your not alone.

One thing I think you need to get out of your mind (not easy with ADD) is the fact that you wish your parents knew you had ADD/ADHD. It's in the past, you now know you have it so all your thoughts should be moving forward. Your parents may have known about ADD/ADHD but may have been in denial. Some parent's have a different view of behavior issues than others, culture, religion, pride and ignorance may play a part. Some parents are afraid of what friends, family and co-workers may think if there kid has ADD/ADHD, of course their concerns for their image doesn't help their child and the child suffers. You appear rather on the younger side, maybe 20's, I'm 53, when I was in grade/High School very little was known about ADD so my childhood was to be blunt, Hell. By the time I was diagnosed (37) my self-esteem was destroyed, the diagnoses was huge weight off my shoulders, now I had reason for my behavior and failures. However, now knowing that I had ADD still didn't change the way people close to me treated me. I came from a very dysfunctional family were support, encouragement and attention was not something I experienced. Although I am in touch with family my contact is limited and I am not very open about aspects of my life with them. I would be there in a moments notice in their time of need but for the most part I decided it was best for me to limit contact. There is a lot more to it but it would take to long to write.

You actually appear to be succeeding much better than many. You made it through college, and from what you wrote scored exceptionally well on test and have a very demanding job but something that you enjoy. so it seems that, although you had undiagnosed ADD as a child, you succeed in school. People with ADD/ADHD are not stupid, in fact they are the exact opposite, very intelligent and creative. I'll admit, sad to say, that my parents failed me in many ways growing up and I never got the support or encouragement to go on to higher education, in fact I was told right out from my parents and teachers that I was to "stupid" to go to college. When you are told that in front of family, friends of family, relatives and my peers you start to believe it yourself. Suicide had been in my thoughts many, many times over the years and because of my lack of success in a career it still enters my mind. I have always done very well in the jobs I've had, supervisors always told me I was their most competent, ethical and reliable workers. Never got fired for performance reasons or wrong doing but laid-off because of economic reasons. Although I did well in my jobs none paid well and movement was limited.

You mentioned anger, both as a child and now, because of my upbringing I was bullied, severely, most bullying today is done on social media, with words. Criticism is called bullying, disagreement is called hate in my day it was physical, I got beaten up at least once a week at school and even more outside, I always fought back and tried to defend myself but I always was the one who got in trouble. If my father found out that I fought back he would beat me for "not turning the other cheek", that resulted in me becoming a "doormat" since basically I was told I had no right to defend or stickup for myself. I am a very big, athletic guy and to this day I avoid conflict and confrontation because I was taught that I was always wrong and had no right to stand up for myself. I to still have anger issues but mostly with immediate family because they haven't changed their treatment of me. One reason why I have limited my contact. I never learned how to verbally defend myself which has made it difficult relating to people since they consider my lack of assertiveness a weakness, and because of my large, athletic build when I do try to defend myself because of someones respectfulness they feel intimidated, threatened. I pay a heavy price for someone's insecurities. But you seem to adjust well to your surroundings, I to control my anger with co-workers, I am not a physical person so I do show my displeasure at times but I have to really think before I speak and take a deep breath, someone really has to be extremely disrespectful for me to react other wise I just suck it up. You have a right to show displeasure, to be angry, it's a natural human emotion, it's how you use it. Family can be the biggest offenders because they know you the best or at least they think they do.
You already found the type of work that stimulates you and enjoy, at a young age your fortunate you were presented with the right opportunities and i worked for you. I get bored very easy so doing a job that requires me to sit in a cubical staring at a computer screen all day is not for me. I do better dealing with people, believe it or not my very low self esteem and self worth has not effected me in my previous careers such as a prison guard or my current job as a college security officer. I can't do jobs that are repetitious I get bored quickly. I've been told that I have a gift of dealing with people, I read people well, I have a very calm demeanor in tense situations, I know how to calm irritable people. But that changes with family and in the past some co-workers who over step there boundaries. I have stopped apologizing for getting angry as I only recently learned that I have that right and not feel guilty. Many religious fanatics like to make people feel guilty for getting angry.

You still have issues with being on time, procrastination and concentration. those are some of the hardest ADD traits to overcome. You don't mention what type of treatments you are doing to help with your ADD. Medication is not a cure, but the right one and dosage can be a big help with concentration, especially at work. being on time for me has always been difficult, if I am not on time I am consistently 2 minutes late for work. For appointments like the dentist, it's like 10 minutes. For some reason I have never been late for a job interview. The way my mind works I am always thinking of other things when I should be getting ready for work.

i also try to avoid conversing with people I don't know well because I to have serious issues with my mind wandering, medication is a big help but I still need to be in the right environment.

We all forget things and make little mistakes, you don't have to have ADD to forget where you left your keys but I do notice that people like my girlfriend get irritated when I do forget something and make it sound like I do it everyday which I don't. As far as little mistakes, your human, everyone does, maybe you are putting to much pressure on yourself to be perfect.

And don't be afraid to admit you have ADD, you don't have to broadcast it to everyone you meet but don't be ashamed to tell someone close, especially if they point out some trait that is ADD related. I have been more open in the last few years about my ADD especially when someone talks about it in a negative way, like it doesn't exist. It is a disorder that is not viewed but experienced, only the person who has it knows what it's really like. But also don't use ADD as an excuse for doing wrong. People with ADD process information differently, we do know right from wrong.

But it has caused me to isolate myself because I found that I do better alone, I am who I am and medication and other treatment help but there are ADD traits that just make me different and I can't change that. The people I do surround myself with our educated about ADD and patient. They also know the good in me out weights the bad and to them the bad isn't really that bad, just some flaws.

Having ADD can be very frustrating, someone that doesn't have it may look at that frustration as anger but it's not. I am extremely lonely as I have no real friends, I do have a long time girl friend but she has her own issues that she refuses do deal with and has used my ADD to deny that she has issues. Long story there, but even with her I'm alone, I've tried to work with her and she has made it clear that she doesn't want help but won't work with me but at the moment our situation won't allow us to part ways. I learned to function well being alone, I just learned to enjoy my own company and I keep busy. I have bad days but overall I'm content with being alone. I'm a failure at a career but due to my parents failures they paved the way for my failures. There is no excuse for parents today the knowledge and research is out there. Bad parenting does not cause ADD but not taking advantage of the resources available to help ones child is being a bad parent.

[unbreakablej]

Originally Posted by kallyw

Thank you for your reply. I find it's difficult for me to concentrate if I need to read articles or if it's a routine job. But if it's maths-related or creative job, I will be able to concentrate. What kind of job are you doing?

legal. Worst place for an ADHDer to be in. Deadlines, responsibilities, paperwork. :S

[NoId]

I'd make a really great doctor. My sister is a doctor. I really should have just played up to a profession. I'm grinding legal work now too btw. I always wanted to go into the illegal drug thing. Just imagine if I could move from place to place without the hassle of ADD medication. That is all I really want. And a girlfriend named Carry.