[Leuna]

Hello out there.

I just joined and although I also have anxiety, depression, among other things, my ADHD is the root of it all, so this seemed like the best place to post for my first time.

Do you guys feel like it's more difficult for us to find love than the average person? Before I was diagnosed (about 7 months ago), I used to self-medicate with drugs and alcohol, as a coping mechanism for my various issues. Since sobering up, I've found that the crazy, volatile, exciting people who I used to find myself drawn to are now giving me red flags, and the other people are just downright boring and just don't get me at all. Therefore, I find myself lying in bed, tears streaming down my face from utterly hopeless loneliness, and just wishing and praying to some higher power to grant me the freedom from the need of other people. I just don't want to need anyone. To be honest, I was hoping when I started medication that the emotional numbness that people complain about would be one of my side effects. No such luck.

Does anyone else ever feel like this?

Leuna

[Skeezyks]

Hello Leuna: I don't know that I have much of anything to offer with regard to this. But I saw no one had replied to your post. So I thought I would. I'm sorry you are feeling so lonely. I'm an older person & pretty reclusive at this point in my life. But I am married. And being older I think being without any other family or friends is easier. I know, when I was young, having other people around me was more important.

I can't speak to the question of whether or not having ADHD makes it more difficult to find love. It does seem to me finding that one right person is simply more difficult nowadays than it was back when I was young. Back in the day, as they say, I don't think most of us ever even really thought about it. Relationships just sort-of happened. At least that's how I recall it.

Anyway, I didn't have any particular suggestions to offer you here. I just simply thought I would share what occurred to me reading your post.

[Melmo]

I feel like this a lot. I am a single mom of two kids though so between them and work and trying to keep my house clean and organized I don't have much time for dating. I do feel lonely though and wish I had someone but at the same time I feel like I am so screwed up, nobody would be able to deal with me. So I try to avoid dating all together.

[fishin fool]

Just my opinion here but I do think having any form of MI makes it a little harder
to find love. It is not that you won't find love but it takes a strong person to be
ok with these issues and love us for who we are.
First step is for US to except and be ok with who we are and the rest seems to come
sooner or later. Hope this helps in some way.

[Open Eyes]

Well, first of all, it's good to read that you are making an effort to be sober. It's also good that you have finally been diagnosed with ADHD so you can learn about it and finally understand yourself better.

As far as your struggle with finding someone you can have a relationship with, that can be a challenge for everyone. And instead of focusing on that right now, it's better that you take time to learn about what makes you tick and how to manage the challenges that present with ADHD, but also learn how you can actually achieve and do well in spite of it.

It's not unusual for someone who struggles with ADHD to have some self esteem challenges. A lot of individuals who struggle and have self esteem problems because of it have also used alcohol to self medicate. My husband has ADHD and Dyslexia and he used alcohol to self medicate, was a binge alcoholic. It was not unusual for him to also like using cocaine and speed as these drugs tended to calm him and he felt more focused, and these drugs tend to be a draw for individuals who struggle with ADHD because stimulants tend to have the opposite affect and can bring calm and focus.

My husband's binge alcoholism affected our relationship and marriage. It was very hard on me and I gave him an ultimatim where if he did not get help and change, I was going to leave him. He went to an AA meeting and that is where he did realize he had a problem. He just celebrated 25 years being sober. However, he did not know he struggled/struggles with ADHD. A lot of the individuals that are involved with AA and need that support to stay sober are individuals that struggle with ADHD and are not aware of it. When I went to meetings with him, I began to recognize the red flags so many of these individuals shared in common, and that was even before I learned about it myself. You are definitely not alone in having this challenge and it doesn't mean you are meant to struggle or are "less than". If you learn about yourself you can make life choices where your challenges are not a problem, can even be helpful believe it or not.

Twenty-seven is still young and it's good that you now have a diagnoses and can begin to learn about how you tick and where your challenges are and get so you understand yourself better and discover your "strengths", because there "are" strengths that people who have ADHD have that can actually be an advantage they just don't realize.

It is better to learn about "self" before one is in a long term relationship too. There is not such thing as the "average person" either, we are all unique and being unique is "normal to human nature".

[alwaysin6thgear]

Originally Posted by fishin fool

Just my opinion here but I do think having any form of MI makes it a little harder
to find love. It is not that you won't find love but it takes a strong person to be
ok with these issues and love us for who we are.
First step is for US to except and be ok with who we are and the rest seems to come
sooner or later. Hope this helps in some way.

I do not consider ADD/ADHD a mental illness. That is a label that needs to go away. Our brain operates differently, we process information differently. It's a disorder that can be very frustrating, but also has many positive attributes. We can still get up in the morning, as difficult as it may be, and function like everyone else although it may be difficult and for many require medication. For the most part we are in touch with reality. Most people I deal with on a day to day bases don't even know I have it unless I tell them. What they don't know is what it takes for me to get through the day and how frustrating it is. We may not be able to do certain jobs but thats because the job may not be the right fit for someone with ADD. Having ADD doesn't keep one from working like severe clinical depression or schizophrenia. ADD a mental illness, not in my book. I have it, severely.

[alwaysin6thgear]

Originally Posted by Leuna

Hello out there.

I just joined and although I also have anxiety, depression, among other things, my ADHD is the root of it all, so this seemed like the best place to post for my first time.

Do you guys feel like it's more difficult for us to find love than the average person? Before I was diagnosed (about 7 months ago), I used to self-medicate with drugs and alcohol, as a coping mechanism for my various issues. Since sobering up, I've found that the crazy, volatile, exciting people who I used to find myself drawn to are now giving me red flags, and the other people are just downright boring and just don't get me at all. Therefore, I find myself lying in bed, tears streaming down my face from utterly hopeless loneliness, and just wishing and praying to some higher power to grant me the freedom from the need of other people. I just don't want to need anyone. To be honest, I was hoping when I started medication that the emotional numbness that people complain about would be one of my side effects. No such luck.

Does anyone else ever feel like this?

Leuna

Why don't you go out and try to do things on your own, is there something that interest you? Join a gym, take a class, something you can do on your own and be around other people, not nesessarily to meet a potential partner but to start working on yourself. Wishing and prayer does nothing without effort on your part. You said you had issues with alcohol & drugs, first thing is distance yourself from the past, the places that drugs and alcohol were popular and the people. Are there things you liked to do but were difficult because of your undiagnosed ADD. You need to force yourself to get out.