[unr3achable1tch]

Hi im not new but haven't posted in so long.

I don't know if I have ADD for sure, but I do know : http://gettinbetter.com/ADD.html
...is the story of my life!

Anyways I wanted to ask others about something I notice I have been doing for years. Its this cycling if interests or hobbies. It starts with getting excited about a new idea/project/concept/thought/interest and then It literally consumes me (super research till 5am, i swear this is what i wanna do forever, super creative bursts and productivity, going the extra mile, hyper, a bit impulsive and/or getting all ready to dive into this new thing) till I burn out and lose interest. Only to move on to something else. Ex: photography, writing, gaming, writing music, photoshop, digital painting, starting a project/diet/idea on a weekly cycle each.

Then inbetween these cycles I feel kinda empty lost or just blehh. Like right now I feel like there is no point pursueing anything that interests me cuz i know I will just toss it in a few days.

Its been affecting my life. In university, im super attentive and a great student the first few weeks but then I cannit keep up and lose my spark. I find it very hard to finish assignments and projects and fail a lot. I used to get by with low grades but then I had a couple of years with panic attacks and depression and It got so bad I would get scared when given an assignment and the more I fret , the more I procrastinate. Im getting anxious rught now just remembering. Then I just would give up n not go to classes, drop subjects or not even go to the final exams. Yep that bad. I was ashamed of myself. I thought I was just an incredibly lazy or unbalanced person. I couldnt stand confronting teachers and colleagues so thats why i would stop attending.

But its mind boggling when I was doing so well at first...im usually the teachers pet. But then after a few weeks I just sort of lose it. I know it starts with assignments cuz I am terrible with deadlines. I dont lose focus in class that much but I do have problems focusing and finishing homework. I will pause every 5 mins or so and have to do soemthing else and then come back. Or i get over involved in my project that i. Convinced it has to be perfect and I have to look up a million things to get it right, before I even start. I get really blank minded staring at the screen or book.. And time flies by. If im having a good semester, i usually finish things albeit half ***, last minute. But I can't even manage that.

If i have ADD, its like it has caused me to have performance anxiety or something.

At the same time im so familiar with bipolar. I know what its like to be so gitty and excited aout something, esp the next new thing, and then completely turn 180 degrees. Usually its by a distraction though...

I also tend to hyperfocus. My mom always had trouble talking to me when I was doing soemthing, and I would get extremely agitated when interrupted. I always thought it was because I was an asshole...i didnt want to treat my mom that way.. It just happened. I get so involved in something im doing that I enjoy, like photoshopping for example or surfing the net like a crack addict. I have easily spent 10 hours at a time doing that one thing. Especially the internet. All those tabs o.o.

I get so consumed and have to look up every possible thing about my new thing...till i literally fall asleep while browsing the net on my iphone at 4-5am. Its like im in a marathon but i dont stop till i literally burn out.



Ok i got sidetracked...

Anyways I wanted ti know if anyone here has the same cycling thing going on? Is this an ADD thing or bipolar? I scored 61 in the ADD test and 42 in the Bipolar test here in the site. If that helps. I do plan on seeing a shrink soon, like tomorrow maybe before i forget or lost motive to...

Sorry im just extra fidgety rit now.gtg .

[CazziWill]

Dear Unr3achableitch
I don't know how else to say this but 'DITTO DITTO DITTO DITTO' - you are sooo not alone with how you describe your ways, I promise you, I can only vouch for myself, but you have just described my own never-ending battle of "I'm sooo interested in this particular thing right now, got to do/create/speak about/research/anything else required' to the detriment of EVERYTHING ELSE, then like you say to the point of burning out or just getting bored with it all of a sudden, then boom, no interest in anything, as what's the point, hey?!! You have just nailed it, what's been the story of my life as well. I was recently been diagnosed (through a long process - psychologist and psychiatrist required for diagnosis) with Adult ADHD to which was never really a question of knowing it until recently when doing research on other things (probably totally unrelated when I was supposed to be doing something else, yes totally distracted to say the least, and boredom has always been my worst enemy since I was as young as I have a memory of). Okay sorry going off on a bit of a tangent there, my other biggest problem as you now are witness of, is once I start typing replies to emails etc (to friends/family and oops now the odd blogg or two!), or texting for that matter, I get so in to it (hyperfocusing bad!) and could rave on for hours, which sometimes I do (well often to be honest) then have to edit and re-edit to save face from the uncontrollable and zero realization of the time that has lapsed and the pages of stuff I have typed - trying to wrap this up now, as I realise it's happening right now, sorry bout the questionable sentences but don't want to go and do the re-edit thing as I start to get really frustrated with myself when I realize this is happening and get really edgy (like I've just become now : ) because my hyperfocus has ceased and after that happens I seem to get back to 'earth' so to speak (it's sort of like you're in another world hey? do you get that feeling too?) which is all well and good when you are on the 'other planet' but once reality strikes, I just can't wait to get it over and done with, I'm bored with it (and myself) - hence the edgy grrr feeling felt at this time.
Well.... I am a little embarrassed bout that rant but instead of just deleting it all and not send anything it, I thought this could be a good example of what I go through and hopefully I may not be alone with that, am I? Anyone? I had no intention on writing on the net this morning (groan - yep up all night, familiar to you hey so yet another example of what you can relate to I'm sure? Don't have work today so not stressing for that reason at least. Okay enough ... oh that's right the point.... yes I would describe your issues as very ADHD (in my opinion) and not bipolar (I don't have bipolar but have sometimes wondered) but what I've learned and understand, the crucial difference that can clarify a sometimes very fuzzy line between the two, is like you've described, ADHD moods can fluctuate from hyper to down, many times a day, week, month etc whereas bipolar is in very large chunks of time between mood changes ie total mania for a week or 3, then deep depression immediately thereafter for anything ranging from weeks to months etc - basically adhd ups/downs chops and changes at any given time at any given hour/day/week/etc, most consistent thing about ADHD is it's inconsistency in everything about it - apparently bipolar can feel an 'episode of mania' coming on and it hits pretty hard, more euphoric I understand, a definitive period of major up, followed by a longer period of down. Phew..... really hope that helps you feel a little more 'normal' and not alone (and anyone else too for that matter) and I apologize for not making this shorter, I just can't do it thanks for reading if you got this far!!

[Miswimmy1]

it sounds like you are describing "hyperfocus", a common thing for an ADDer. Ditto to what you said here...

[angustios101]

Dude, your life is like my life. I'm currently obsessed with getting into med school but last night I decided I should put all my effort into law and public administration (wtf?) but prior to that it was veterinary, law school, wealth management, vet tech, international relations, languages blah blah blah. I would rarely lose focus in class but meeting deadlines has just gotten worse and worse in grad school. I had to take a medical leave of absence because I never went to class and always had to beg my teachers to accept a once again late paper.

Anyway, I feel ya. And my grad program sent me to a neuropsychologist and he diagnosed me with ADD. Because of that evaluation, I am now a registered student with a disability, if that helps you at all. It's sort of helped me but there is still a stigma attached to the label which is a double edged sword. On the one hand, you can get more time on tests, take more breaks, etc. and turn in papers late and your professors are required by law to make these accomodations. But on the other hand, I've found that many professors do so grudgingly.

on the brightside, I can tell you that after Igot hte ADD diagnosis and regsiterd as a student with a disability I went from not even being able to complete exams to scoring 100% just because I had some extra time to calm down.

[Maus5321]

Sounds like me. I was kind of a meh student in grade school. I was the day dreamer who sat in the corner as far from the teacher as i could. Some of my teachers would notice and move me to the front in an attempt to get me to pay attention lol. Didn't work. I started High school. I was doing pretty good. I was not performing at my 100% but I was doing better then i ever had, New environment therefore excitement and focus. After i got settled in after the first semester thing went down hill. I had meetings with cousnelor and family because I was failing.(I wish my fat fingers would type what i want them to. But that is besides the point) After that it was weird, I put more effort into figuring out how many points i needed for my diploma and where i was at i figured it all out and I did the bare freaking minimum to pass. If i screwed up at all i would been screwed but it was like a way to make getting my diploma exciting by getting exactly what i need to pass lol. I managed to do it but at the end i was freaking out. Plus once the school years got going i was able to get by but when things started getting harder though is when i began to struggle. Whatever was being said or dumped my way, It was almost as if the words were coming at me and my mind saw them coming and was like ninja status and was dodging all it could. I was picking up only bits and pieces. I had a tutor in grade school because i struggled with math. Man was it so dry and boring. I don't think i ever learned anything from that lady. But she made money off my mom so good for her. I get irritated when people come in while i am on my lap top and try to talk to me. games galore. internet galore. all of it. Anything that provides a immediate reward. I am almost to the point with computers i hate them, they give me the sensory stimulation i crave but they consume me and before i know it the whole day is gone and to me it seems if i had just woke up. I almost wish i never discovered computers. But then i would never would have met all of you. I almost think i would be more productive without them but i doubt. Having my PC keeps me from spending every living cent i have. SO they are good and bad. Gotta love being pulled in different directions. Well enough for now. I may type more later if i think of anything else.

[Maus5321]

Oh and don't even get me started on alcohol. I love drinking for the effect it has slowing my mind down, well or so it seems. But man when i drink in a party setting holy crap i go wild...Like I lose all sense of control. I know that is normal on alcohol for people. But the amount of control i lose is not normal. I start losing control so i drink to forget because i know i am gonna do something stupid. Its almost like for me i have built anxiety and depression as defense mechanisms to keep me in check. Because i cannot control myself otherwise. I was at party a couple months ago and my friend is typically the clown of the party. But he had to work. And apparently i was the clown in his place. They said that even though he was gone it was like he was there through me.( He has ADHD BTW) don;t remember any of it and glad i don;t. Alcohol is both a blessing and curse. Like all the defenses i built up and put in place come crashing down and its almost like the real me comes out drinking but I don;t like the real me. But i really don;t know who the real me is. I don;t really have an identity that i know.

And holy crap i am off my soapbox. This alphabet soup on a page........I guess good luck reading this.

[unr3achable1tch]

Sorry for this super late reply...i got distracted years ago and forgot!! Thank you all so much <3

I'm glad to say I've found some consellation in being diagnosed with Adult ADHD by a new psychiatrist I've just seen. He also has ADHD. I guess that's what it took.

I still haven't been able to finish college and failed the past three years...so I took some time off and eventually gave up. I even worked for a while but I got let go because I was so dysfunctional. I almost lost hope until I found a rare doctor in Egyptthat recognizes ADHD and he put me on Strattera (I know..but its the only one available in Egypt right now..)

I need to advise others that if you suspect that you have ADHD, dont brush it off like I did years ago when I thought I was being dramatic. Get a professional opinion.

Sent from my SM-N915F using Tapatalk

[Melmo]

Originally Posted by unr3achable1tch

Sorry for this super late reply...i got distracted years ago and forgot!! Thank you all so much <3

I'm glad to say I've found some consellation in being diagnosed with Adult ADHD by a new psychiatrist I've just seen. He also has ADHD. I guess that's what it took.

I still haven't been able to finish college and failed the past three years...so I took some time off and eventually gave up. I even worked for a while but I got let go because I was so dysfunctional. I almost lost hope until I found a rare doctor in Egyptthat recognizes ADHD and he put me on Strattera (I know..but its the only one available in Egypt right now..)

I need to advise others that if you suspect that you have ADHD, dont brush it off like I did years ago when I thought I was being dramatic. Get a professional opinion.

Sent from my SM-N915F using Tapatalk

You sound like me too. I have not been diagnosed but my mom and my daughter have it and it was while researching symptoms of adhd for my daughters diagnosis that I realized "holy ****, this is me!" And I relate soo much to all the things people say on this forum. Brought it up to my new t and he kind of brushed it off so not sure what to do.

[TishaBuv]

That's me, too.

Teacher's pet, best student when I like something. Then I get bored of it or see it as pointless and give it up. Didn't graduate high school, but went to college early. Didn't graduate college, but lie about it. "Brightest student ever" at one career I was pursuing, but gave that up when I got married and had kids. Took on a leadership project that was ridiculously challenging and succeeded then left. Had one year in the performing arts writing a good full-length screen play, acting in several short films, doing a commercial, singing with a rock band (family didn't know I could sing!) then got bored of that and quit. Started another career, just play at it, but took on leadership. Also, probably going to quit that now.

[unr3achable1tch]

Originally Posted by Melmo

You sound like me too. I have not been diagnosed but my mom and my daughter have it and it was while researching symptoms of adhd for my daughters diagnosis that I realized "holy ****, this is me!" And I relate soo much to all the things people say on this forum. Brought it up to my new t and he kind of brushed it off so not sure what to do.

I would get a second opinion from another psychiatrist. I had to go through 5 doctors over the years till one figured it out. It can be difficult to diagnose sometomes especially with comorbidities of depression or anxiety.

Not surprised you can relate to the symptoms since ADHD is highly genetic. I suspect my mom has it too but she's never been diagnosed and is in the big pharma conspiracy camp.

[unr3achable1tch]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

That's me, too.

Teacher's pet, best student when I like something. Then I get bored of it or see it as pointless and give it up. Didn't graduate high school, but went to college early. Didn't graduate college, but lie about it. "Brightest student ever" at one career I was pursuing, but gave that up when I got married and had kids. Took on a leadership project that was ridiculously challenging and succeeded then left. Had one year in the performing arts writing a good full-length screen play, acting in several short films, doing a commercial, singing with a rock band (family didn't know I could sing!) then got bored of that and quit. Started another career, just play at it, but took on leadership. Also, probably going to quit that now.

We are so alike!! Isn't it strange..it seems like people with ADHD are like explorers and seekers of experiences. Once we've experienced what we want or have had enough, we move on to discover different experiences. That's how I used to look at it anyhow.