[youOme]

My best friend has a five year old that is suffering badly in school. I recommend that she attempt to place him in an new environment and see if he would detain from distraction like he does in his home. He is unable to practice and do his homework at home. She complains that he does not listen and his behavior is out of control. I offered to let him come here and see if I could possibly practice letters with him like I do my own children. My friend claims she suspects that her son has ADHD, but I think parenting and lack of discipline is at fault here too. Does anybody have any suggestion on getting this child's attention??

Thanks

I would seriously get the child assessed for other possible conditions like autism also. ADHD is only one of many possible disorders that could be causing this behaviour.

[Rebounder1]

You said parenting and lack of discipline is at fault too. Are you related to Dr Phil? He blamed the behavior of children with ADHD on parents who did poorly with discipline. Were that to improve he suggested behavior would also. Both of you obviously have no personal experience raising a child with ADHD(you and Phil). I think she should take you up on that offer. Keep him for a day or two before you start begging her to come and get him. That would be great. It would give her a much needed break and you some education on the subject. Her description ,as brief as it is , for a boy of 5 would suggest that he be sceened for ADHD by the pediatrician who will then make a referral to a psychiatrist for an evaluation. God forbid the pediatrician make the diagnosis and prescribe the meds. There are some real horror related to this. There is also a shortage of psychiatrists in this country, and in addition to that no effective behavioral treatment required when behavioral symptoms are severe, to go along with the med.Us folks in the ADHD community appreciate your concern for your neighbor, but we'd like to see it given without a dose of poor parenting accusations from individuals with no book learning on the subject nor any real close up and personal experience. You couldn't even begin to guess what that house is like inside behind the closed doors. it is a serious problem when an ADHD kid gets behind in school. That kid should get diagnosed and an evaluation so that he gets the services that he requires If you want to help, get on her case about getting that done and forget about her being a not so good parent and you a better one. Quit acting so superior when you were lucky and she wasn't. You could be raising a child with ADHD that you couldn't control or manage his behavior. Why don't you go over and give a hand with the homework? Show her how it's done . You won't last 15 minutes before you're running out of the house screaming that kid needs to be sen by a psychiatrist, and real soon.

Rebounder: I can relate to what you said in your message. My two sons and I have ADD and ADHD. The struggles I have with my 14 year old is mostly academic because his attention is easily distracted. He also has Tourette's Syndrome (multiple tics). He has to rely on medication for impulsive behaviour and the motor tics. He cannot take meds for ADD because they are what caused the tics to come out in him. Parents who have not had a child with ADD simply tell me to tell my son to just ""do the work." Like it is that easy. Then they come back with the statement "I could do it. He can do it." Insinuating that as a mother, I am too tolerant of his condition. If I were stricter and more orderly or methodical, he would not have the tics or the impulsive behaviour. It can be very infuriating when others don't understand. But we have to be the stronger parents. We have to understand that these other people will say what they want. People will believe what they want to believe. We cannot change those beliefs. They will only change their viewpoints if they want to change it. Until then, just let it drift by you. Cheers!

[Rebounder1]

Ingridave2
How old is the other son? Does he have ADHD? There are new behavior management techniques that actually are effective now. The 14 year-how old was he when they tried a stimulant med? Was he seen by a psychiatrist? What occurs sometimes is that the stimulant is discontinued for a while then tried again, or another stimulant is tried. Does he have behavior problems? They once used Haldol for the tics. Is that what your son takes? Like to hear back when you have time. My 22 yr-old made it to college. First two years took 3 to complete but that is normal for ADHD. There is some exciting new stuff happening with behavioral treatment. You might be interested.
R1

[bluethunder613]

I wish your children have a better life than me. Since I was diagnosed with ADD as a child in the 60s, Psdychiatrists here and abroad, have had added diagnoses of Depression and Borderline Personality disorder, etc.

My outbursts and temper:
My father was a strict disciplinarian and had a mercurial temper. I inherited the latter trait from him, along with impatience and poor scholastic achievement and financial management techniques. While these were the undesirable facets of my Dad's personality, my Dad was always there for me growing up and actively involved in maintaining law and order (as a non L/E type) in our neighborhood in the Bronx, NY. -- My mother was a wonderful woman, but she became a nervous wreck because of my father and me.

Treatment:
As a child, I was given Dexedrine and Benadryl and cognitive behavior therapy. I remember being a zombie in the AM and very hyperactive in the PM, after my medications wore off. Academically, the medication did nothing to improve my level of concentration. However, I was less prone to blurting out the answers in class, outbursts and violent behavior. OTOH, I was more withdrawn and loathed interaction with others because i was afraid they would make fun of me or I would do or say something absurd or contrarian.

Post-teen Years:
Since my teens, I have yet to realize the academic achievements or benchmarks I wanted to obtain. I am in my 50s and have yet to complete my Bachelors Degree.

Careerwise, I have had ups and downs. Prior to my twenties, I was unsuccessful with 2 of 3 jobs that I had. I got fired from two due to incompetence. The second job was a runner on Wall Street, I would leave behind Stocks and Bonds at other brokerages and almost lost a large cache of Stocks and Bonds (this led to my firing).

OTOH, I was able to survive 30 years in the Coast Guard although there were times I thought I was going to be kicked out due to poor performance, interpersonal relationships and military bearing. I am on my second career with the Federal Government.

Marriage and Relationships With Women:
I am now married to a wonderful woman, but i got married late in life. Relationships and dating often led to embarrassing situations and low self-esteem up until i met my true love. I had two relationships with women, prior to that, that I look back in fondness (i.e. they lasted more than one evening). Otherwise it was one date or platonic relationships with women I had no intention of pursuing further. The latter relationships were with women, who like me, had low self-esteem and with whom, I had no physical attraction.