[Christina86]

My friend just got back from a learning assessment where she was "officially" diagnosed with a "nonverbal learning disability".

He also said that it was like she had Aspergers, but that she was actually actively social and can build relationships and all that... (So he didn't diagnose her with Aspergers)

Is that possible? Can one HAVE Aspergers, but still be able to be "social" and all that? I'm assuming it's on a continuum, right? Different levels? I've looked at some of the symptoms and whatnot... and it does sorta sound like her.

She does (and I admit it as her friend) have a lot of difficulty in conversations in that she can be remarkably self-centered, where the conversation IS all about her or just her talking. She also has some verbal quirks and gestures that don't seem like anxiety or something like that - they literally seem like extraordinarly mild autism.

I'm confused. I'm not trying to diagnose her, however I really would like to be able to HELP and perhaps find ways to actually continue to be her friend in a more healthy way. Right now, she actually burns me out with her constantly having issues with others, the one-sided conversations, and her constant complaints about life and issues... not saying thats because of an issue (mental or emotional) but could just be her personality... but still... I really do want to help.

Any advice, wisdom?

yes it is possable to have Aspergers and be social
My cousins daughter has it. When she was young she was not very social. Now she is. Shes been in plays and works at a theme park.
Autism in all its forms is so wide and so new , they are discovering things every day.
As with PDD which my son has, He went from not talking to this very talkive person. Loves ppl
heres a link not sure if it will help
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autism
you said ((Right now, she actually burns me out with her constantly having issues with others, the one-sided conversations, and her constant complaints about life and issues))))
with my son when he was younger it was always someone elses fault. His convos were very one sided.
If you can try to get her to see the good parts of life , which i know is hard for them at times. It will help.
Sounds like she could have alittle bit of OCD like my son.
((christina))))))) you are a good friend to her
I want you to know this , with my son even at the best of times I did get burned out.
Do what you can , but take care of you too.
Just you being her friend is a help. Trust me on that one
hope this helped alittle

[pegasus]

Yes Christina, it is possible to have very mild aspergers as you have described here. Quite often they will be particularly good or have a specific talent for one particular subject. Maths seems to be a favourite! It is good that your friend has been assessed as now she will get extra help. Some aspies are very loving, some have great difficulty in seeing things from others points of view. Which is what I think you are picking up on with your friend. This can be improved but takes a lot of time and patience!

[Christina86]

(((((((((((muffy & pegasus))))))))))))))

thanks both of you! I talked to some of our mutual friends today, and apparently it was already suspected that she had Aspergers before this even came up through a psychologist! Who knew...

She will engage me in conversation, but when she asks me a question, they are ... rather shallow questions, like "I like your shirt" or "how is school". It's like she's at a loss for what to discuss...

Anyway - dealing with her random freakouts (she gets overly anxious over stuff, calls me crying at random hours because of her parents) and dealing with her random road-rage/angry outbursts is something that needs to change first. Before she drives all of her friends insane.

I'm her friend because I know she's a lovely woman. But she does act rather immature sometimes and it drives me batty.

thank you both again, I appreciate it. I'm hoping once she actually gets treated for her ADHD and her anxiety, that she'll be easier to deal with overall...

(((christina)))) you are prolly going ot have set boundrys with her

Depending on your mental capacity... you learn how to act around people.
I have a lot of thoughts running around in my head when interacting with others. I'm aware of: the words, body language, tone of voice, the way I laugh, how often I look the other person in the eye etc. It's not the most natural thing for me to act in the most common way... but I know how to do it... so I "force" myself to do just that. It can cause a lot of distress inside of me, without others noticing it at all.
My "social therapist" says: "You are seemingly like everyone else."

I posted this in another thread:

There are 3 "types" of AS... roughly speaking:

1. The social - who wants to be in contact with other people and are doing well when interacting with others.

2. The withdrawn - wants to spend time alone rather than amongst other people.

3. The more noticeable AS - acting in a less common way. Developing his/her own "lifestyle".

We all have our own individual personalities too.

Christina... you're such a good friend to your friend... wanting to learn more to be able to understand her even better. (((((( Christina )))))))

/daynnight

[che170]

Yes, Christina it is possible to have Aspergers and be social. My son was diagnosed at age 9 and in all the years I have been learning about it, it seems that girls tend to be and are able to be more social than boys. That's not to say that boys cannot, but it's more common for girls to be social.

[Callista]

Asperger's often comes with social phobia almost built-in thanks to the hostile environment many of these kids grow up in. When you get kicked down every time you speak up, you are bound to get shy, anxious, even avoidant...

Many people seem to think that you have got to be shy to have AS; the truth is that you just need to be socially clumsy (well, not just that--you need to have some other traits too, like atypical communication, obsessions, repetitive behavior, etc.). There are a surprising number of outgoing people with AS and autism, many of who have learned to take it in stride when they stick their feet in their mouths. There are some others who are stable introverts, preferring to be alone but not anxious in the company of people.

Suggestion: Asperger's and social phobia need not be inextricably linked. Asperger's is life-long; but social phobia is a problem that can be resolved, and as it causes a great deal of distress, it should be.

[starrina]

Your friend sounds a lot like me
I have never been diagnosed as having
Aspergers.
My son however is diagnosed as having Aspergers
he has no social life to speak of
he has never had a friend stay over or for that
matter even for an hour or so
he gets anxiety attacks just to leave the house
He has however come a long way in terms of learning
and a lot of that is due to a special needs teacher
that he grew very fond of.
My son has never been ab**d in any way shape or form
We do have relatives on husband side that have Aspergers syndrome.

Sorry rambling Christina please just remember your friend has not control over the way she is any more then the person with Bi-Polar

[Rapunzel]

My brother (dxed with "Pervasive Developmental Disorder NOS" because, although he met criteria for Aspergers, he also had Schizophrenia, and the DSM doesn't allow for both) wanted very much to be social. He was obsessive about it. He tended to focus on one girl and even if he didn't go around her and bug her all the time, all his thoughts and prayers and everything would be about the girl. I'm pretty sure that it wasn't always the same girl, but it would be one who had treated him decently, as not everyone did, so he instantly became obsessed. Pattern repeats.

He wanted very badly to love someone and have it returned and have a family. That was what he lived for. But he was also convinced that he could never have that. Which is why he killed himself. He didn't know how to get his social needs met, but the needs were very strong. He burned people out - people who wanted to at least be decent to him. Anything he cared about, he cared about obsessively.

[starrina]

Aww Rapunzel I am so very sorry for your loss
safe gentle hugs for you