Adults with Autism

So for months I have been trying to figure out what is going on with my bf. I know that he means well but some of his tendencies just dont make sense sometimes. At first I thought maybe narcissism because he seems to have an emotional disconnect with just about everyone, including myself. Now Im noticing other things that have me thinking autism or aspergers that has gone unnoticed for years. Some background: He is almost 27 and is about to graduate with his MS in Forestry so he is an intelligent guy. When it comes to speaking, sometimes he will just stop in the middle of a sentence and never finish it. Ill ask what he was going to say and he wont even remember what he was talking about. Sometimes it seems like he just tunes people out. He will just sit there while you ask him something and not even notice that youre speaking to him. When he does talk its kind of choppy unless he is really comfortable with you. He will make little awkward jokes and kind of seems like he doesnt understand what is appropriate for certain situations. Like he will make a joke and I will think to myself "I cant believe you just said that". Its extremely difficult for him to deal with emotions and, sometimes, just gets upset and angry and cant even name emotions that HE feels.

He also really has trouble making friends and keeping them. He has maybe 1 friend that he actually got attached to but I ask him constantly if he has any friends he wants to go out with and he says he doesnt have any. I just feel like if we can actually pinpoint what is going on, it might be easier to deal with. Im just starting to get frustrated not feeling that emotional connection with him all the time. Any help?

You're in a relatively long-term, intimate relationship with the guy who's getting an advanced degree; that wouldn't be happening with someone who was on the autism spectrum, that's a developmental disease and he'd be struggling with everything from the get-go in ways that could not include you and advanced schooling.

Why are you trying to figure out what's "wrong" with him? You don't have enough problems of your own? :-) My husband doesn't have any friends and I identified with the stopping in the middle of a sentence and being "choppy" when trying to explain something (a euphemism for being all over the place); my husband literally has to keep saying things like, "I don't hear any nouns" but there's nothing "wrong" with me. That's me! I've always been a dreamer, do a heck of a lot of reading and unless I'm writing, like this, trying to understand me can be "difficult" (or "interesting" :-) at times.

I guess because its really frustrating and its always easier to deal with something when you can put a name with it. Makes it easier to handle I guess. That make sense?

So, make some disease up, just for him. Call it "Fred" or something :-)

My sister-in-law was saying she's has sneakily gotten my brother to agree to a "little" neuro exam because she's worried about his short term memory (he's 69 this year). She's always saying she thinks he's ADHD and I found this today that might explain some things about him (and me):

http://www.sparkpeople.com/resource/...lth_day=638133

Salukigirl,

Can I ask dear one, what your partner is prepared to undertake to find out what is happening for him? Does he see his behaviour as a problem?

The reason I ask is that it is immensely difficult sometimes to convince someone that there are issues, when they themselves don't see them, as I am sure you already know.

I was also dx with traits of Narcissistic PD among other things many years ago. I was dx with AS at 36. I do lack empathy, unless I have experienced something myself. I am somewhat able to "walk in another persons shoes" if I have been there myself. It is a learnt empathy of sorts. I am however very compassionate and caring and sympathetic. Logic rules though and I am very rarely able to identify my own feelings without great effort and it usually takes months to identify them. This can often lead people to accuse me of being unfeeling, or cold and remote. It is just the opposite and the people that know me, know this to be true. I am just concentrating on solving the issue rather than considering that I might feel something about it. Usually my fiance is the one to gently point it out to me by saying "Don't you feel sad about that?" or "Doesn't that make you feel happy?".......I say "Oh I never thought of it that way!" Then I spend months analysing it If it isn't logical, then it goes round and round in my head like a tape on a continuous loop until it is "decoded" and then I can process it. It can be very distressing as communication is an inherent "human behaviour". I lack the inherency and so I get very lost, frightened and confused sometimes especially if the script changes suddenly or the other person becomes erratic or very emotional. Hope that helps you maybe understand your partners process a bit more if you find similarities.

Take care and I hope your partner gets the help he needs so you can both experience joy.

In stillness,

Michah

Thanks so much guys! Both of u helped a lot. He has mentioned ADHD before but he is a recent graduate
and without insurance so he is kind of just living with it. I'll have him read that article. Thanks!

You might recommend coffee to him, or caffeine pills, for the ADHD. I know it sounds counterproductive, but most ADHD meds are stimulants, and it worked for me before I got on Concerta. The drawback is that you build up a tolerance and it doesn't work as well, so you can't have any on weekends if you want it to work the rest of the week.