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Lately ive been labouring under the weight of the knowledge that I have noone (in the literal sense) in my corner whatsoever. The other week I was deathly sick and had to see it all through to its conclusion alone. I had noone who I could ask to pop down to the pharmacy for me.

My family are possibly the most destructive force in my life. My mother and brother made the family home a sort of torture chamber. By the time I left home i'd been hospitalised become a painkiller addict tried to commit suicide countless times and bore the tell tale self harm scars all over my arms.

Somehow that experience has become my reality. My university housemates hate me. For example there have been times where ive broken down in tears in front of them and theyve done nothing/said nothing. Still they treat me like the enemy by mutual consent.

All my friends have long since deserted me and have snide remarks to make at every turn. No matter how much I try and change the cycle of rejection and hatred continues apace.

Could all this be a result of apsergers? Ive never been diagnosed but ive long suspected since I have many of the signs. I suppose it would be the sweetest relief if I did have aspergers since I would finally have a reason for all this. At the moment theres no reason and thus noend in sight I can see

Welcome to PC.

PC members cannot diagnose you, first of all but I'm sure you understand this. That being said, it's hard to analyze since most of what you state is your life with regards to how others treat you rather than your behaviors and issues.

You've said you have many of the signs but did not go into detail. Can you elaborate ? What symptoms do you see in yourself?

Also you can take the AQ test (autistic quotient) and/or the Aspie Quiz to help you figure out if you may be suffering from aspergers. There are also quizzes on PC directly that might help you sort this out.

Hope this helps!

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My AQ was 32 and ny aspie score was 149. Both indicate high probability of aspergers. I know that this is hardly a scientific/clinical measure of where I am on the spectrum but it offers me an alternative perspective from which to analyse my position.

I struggle to look people in the eye or touch people - it feels like part of me may be lost This could be a consequence of my OCD-type symptoms. At the same time my lack of eye contact has been a long standing problem.

I have an encylcopaedic musical knowledge of virtually every musical genre across world pop and classical (all genres currently exist under these broad all encompassing headings). I tend to throw myself body and soul into projects which consume me entirely.

The same thing goes for romantic interests. My last unsucessful assay has currently taken on the form of a 5-6 week long pot pinge. Ive been smoking 3-4 bonghits a night for the last 5 weeks with 1 night of reprieve. Cessation invites tears and much emotional fallout.

There are loadsof other things. My social ineptitude is quite profound. Ive been assuming I was quite ugly for the past few years. However this would appear to be a false assumption. I was convinced to the hilt of this in fact. So much so that it (again) consumed my every waking thought for quite some time.