[Victoria'smom]

It's aggravating that others expect more from my son then he can give. He can't be around my family alone because they focus on the things he can't do versus the things he can. I finally got sick of them saying things and told them his dx. Their response was he's to smart to be an aspie . I've even been told by doctors (pediatricians) that he's to social for aspie's. I know it shouldn't bother me and I should ignore them but I get aggravated knowing that strangers expect more then he can give also. This makes him pick more . I want to do the best for him but we're going this alone because he's home-schooled I'd rather not deal with SN in public school.

What do you wish your parents did for/with you to help? How do I get others to understand he has his limits and his perfectionism means it hurts when others expect more then he can give?

He has no idea he's an aspie. He's in therapy and on meds. We've done cognitive training for attention span but as he gets older he's isolating and withdrawing more.

[yellowfrog268]

Well I'm not the parent of an Aspie but with many Aspie traits myself (going for assessment in August) I wish my parents had the knowledge that is now available about the condition. I'm in my early 40's so different time, different understanding of these things. As for your son, the best you can do is what you are doing. Explaining to people that he is an Aspie. If they refuse to accept that then I would think about how important it is for them to continue being a part of his life particularly if they are driving him to isolate/pick more and making him feel bad. You said he does not know his diagnosis. Do you intend to tell him? Asking because the thought occurred that maybe if he can spend time in the company of others similar to himself it may help with acceptance and self esteem.

[shortandcute]

I'm sorry that youre going thru this, altho I dont know much about handling that type of situation. What really got me is people's responses --like saying he was "too smart." That just shows how little they know about it--from what I understand, many people on the spectrum have extremely high IQ's! So, basically, it has nothing to do with how smart they are (which I'm sure you know). And the doctors should know better (which unfortunatly many don't) because everyone is different--just like with any other situation. I'm not on the spectrum, as far as I know, but I've had people say wierd and stupid things to me when I told them about my Dx--like "But you seem so nice." Lots of hugs.

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

It's aggravating that others expect more from my son then he can give. He can't be around my family alone because they focus on the things he can't do versus the things he can. I finally got sick of them saying things and told them his dx. Their response was he's to smart to be an aspie . I've even been told by doctors (pediatricians) that he's to social for aspie's. I know it shouldn't bother me and I should ignore them but I get aggravated knowing that strangers expect more then he can give also. This makes him pick more . I want to do the best for him but we're going this alone because he's home-schooled I'd rather not deal with SN in public school.

What do you wish your parents did for/with you to help? How do I get others to understand he has his limits and his perfectionism means it hurts when others expect more then he can give?

He has no idea he's an aspie. He's in therapy and on meds. We've done cognitive training for attention span but as he gets older he's isolating and withdrawing more.

I was once diagnosed with "boderline" asperger's sydrome. Later in my life, there was a doctor who wanted a clear answer and conducted a very comprehensive test, that he believed disproved the theory that I have any asperger traits. To this day, I still think I have traits. Sometimes when things people do really puzzle me or make no sense at all (usually when I am doing a complete "left brain" activity).

To answer your question, after having my first Manic episode my Mom left the hospital and system to deal with. She has always seemed to have such high expectations of my sisters and me.

Sometimes, I wish that she shouldn't have done that, but in the end with how things turned out I feel mostly the opposite. Whether what she did was a mistake or not, it made me the person I am today. Her callous DO IT YOURSELF (be independent) attitude gave me far more life experience and much more happy life than a hand-in-hand relationship could never have done.

[Dylanzmama]

Much love to you...my "favorite" response is when I tell someone my son has autism, they take a double take of him, then they say ,"but he's so cute".
People are lazy I think-it's easier to judge and dismiss than try to comprehend someone else's reality.

[Victoria'smom]

Do you intend to tell him?

The friends(or their parents) he has are on the spectrum, bipolar or ADHD. Other friendships tended to fizzle out when he goes to sleep overs. I wouldn't be surprised if he already knew about it. About two months ago he looked at me and said "Why don't you want me to know I have bipolar like you and dad?" and he always surprises us like that. I'm thinking mid-late teens as things seem to be getting harder for him as he gets older. I don't think we have a hand-in-hand relationship more then any 11 yr old.

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

The friends(or their parents) he has are on the spectrum, bipolar or ADHD. Other friendships tended to fizzle out when he goes to sleep overs. I wouldn't be surprised if he already knew about it. About two months ago he looked at me and said "Why don't you want me to know I have bipolar like you and dad?" and he always surprises us like that. I'm thinking mid-late teens as things seem to be getting harder for him as he gets older. I don't think we have a hand-in-hand relationship more then any 11 yr old.

My Dad has Bipolar as well as myself. If he's anything like me, he'll grow up to be a smart kid. 11 is quite young to get a bipolar diagnosis. If I had known that early as a kid, I might have grown up to be much better at handling it. The healthcare system does have solutions. It can take a long time though to get a handle on things, however.

[AmbiguityofMind]

This really gets at me because i think that i might have some kind of autistic spec disorder and the things is most everyone in my family just doesn't pay attention to one another. I cant and dont want to 'blame' anyone for my lack of treatment/diagnosis, but i wish that more could have been grasped at an earlier age that i wasnt 'normal'. It took ten years for me to finally see it for myself and now i have to go through the trouble of everything because i'm an 'adult' and its the hardest thing in the world

[rosska]

Sadly, my parents never knew I had Aspergers when I was a kid, it would have saved a lot of family arguments and 'tantrums' from myself if we had.

The one thing I would suggest, is tell him he is on the spectrum, explain exactly what that means and give him as much information as he can digest about it. The reason I say that is because I always knew I was different to other kids, I just didn't know why, by the age of 11 I was starting secondary school and my life went totally upside down at that point because of the massive change to routines, class structures, social circles etc. Had I known what I was dealing with and why I was different, life could have been a lot easier.

[adj2013]

I have an autistic son and people say things too like : he is too loving to have aspbergers . First off there are about 100 different types of aspbergers and everyone is different. Also it irks me when people look at him like he is stupid because he does not respond as quickly as other kids.
All I can tell you is try not to treat him any differently and accept him the way he is. I'm sure you do though, you sound like a great mom.

[angustios101]

I was diagnosed with Asperger's as an adult when my grad program had me take a neuropsych evaluation. At first I was like "Finally I know why I'm different from other people". But then I got mad because I went through hell as teen and young adult and I was furious I had not been diagnosed earlier. I saw a child psych since I was 15 but as far as I know he never dxed me with Asperger's or at least my parents never told me. I guess in hindsight I would have wanted to know when I was a teenager but then I think about if someone had told me that when I was teen how sensitive I was and how it would have opened up all this other issues around self-esteem and acceptance. IDK, I feel for you and your son. I guess I'd probably lean to the not telling him right now camp but then two seconds from now I'd say tell him. I'm sorry this doesn't help...

[Victoria'smom]

Thank-you guys so much.