Anger from trying to socialize

medicalfox · Aug 24, 2013, 04:16 AM

I try so hard to fit in to be normal and funny like everyone else, but that rarely happens. I get so mad when people criticize me and when it's obvious that I didn't make sense. I don't know how to handle my anger from failed attempts of socializing which escalates to melt downs. How do you handle your anger?

manwithnofriends · Aug 24, 2013, 07:33 AM

Me? You can tell by my username, right? That does not get me down. I can still live my life. I go out almost every day and never had to speak a word, even when buying stuff from a shop. I pack lunch so I don't have to ask for it at a restaurant. Doing what I want, when I want (except "break the law", of course) is my definition of freedom.

Although to be honest, I don't remember the last time I'm "angry". Sometimes the anger can be turned inwards, making me feel so depressed that the only thing making me happy is the thing that made me angry in the first place.

medicalfox · Aug 24, 2013, 08:06 AM

I generally don't care about socializing too since I like to keep to myself, but on the occasions that it's required I'm so bad at it. I never know what to do in conversations and that causes a bunch of sillyness for me like anxiety and anger. I'm hoping someone with more social/coping skills finds this thread and puts their two cents in.

rosska · Aug 24, 2013, 11:46 AM

My family used to think I had anger issues because of my meltdowns, which were frequent. Since I stopped socialising so much (I see people maybe once a month just now at most) I find my meltdowns have severely decreased in frequency.

It's tough because on one hand I don't actually want to spend my whole life alone, but on the other hand I hate being around people because it's so painfully exhausting. I think the biggest break through is to stop trying to be like everybody else and just embrace who you are. Though that's easier said than done.

No Fuse No Flame · Aug 24, 2013, 12:32 PM

I too have always liked the serenity of seclusion. When I was young and wanted to be left alone. I was forced to socialized. Ridiculed by class mates because I didn't want to do all the dopey things they wanted(dopey to me). Everybody would some how take offense to the fact I didn't need there's or anyone's companionship. I have been told I'm arrogant because I don't socialize, go figure.

manwithnofriends · Aug 24, 2013, 12:47 PM

I don't think anyone who is social goes on this forum at least. They're all only on PC because of relationship issues.

Pandoren · Aug 24, 2013, 03:30 PM

I find forums and chatrooms useful because they are contact on my own terms. I can either say something, or not. I can continue the conversation, or not. If I say "sorry, got to go to the shops" or something, no one is going to know any different and can't stop me from leaving. Face to face contact is just awkward and there is far less control. I only usually get angry when I lose that control, especially if someone interrupts me when I'm not in the mood to be interrupted or tries to keep me in a conversation I don't want to be in. How I deal with that anger depends on the situation and how much it annoyed me- sometimes I get over it as soon as that incident ends, other times I can seethe over it for a while.

medicalfox · Aug 24, 2013, 07:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rosska

It's tough because on one hand I don't actually want to spend my whole life alone, but on the other hand I hate being around people because it's so painfully exhausting. I think the biggest break through is to stop trying to be like everybody else and just embrace who you are. Though that's easier said than done.

I feel the same way too. This is the first time I've been in a successful relationship because my significant other is very understanding and doesn't mind all the mistakes I make. Generally I find it too exhausting to hang out with people and too stressful. I can talk to my friends online which I do quite often to keep in contact to ensure that I'm not being "distant". A lot of them complain that I don't hang out with them often, but I just can't handle it. I wish I could be who I really am, but people can be quite cruel to those that don't fit the social norms.

IndieVisible · Aug 24, 2013, 07:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by medicalfox

I try so hard to fit in to be normal and funny like everyone else, but that rarely happens. I get so mad when people criticize me and when it's obvious that I didn't make sense. I don't know how to handle my anger from failed attempts of socializing which escalates to melt downs. How do you handle your anger?

They should not be criticizing you no matter how odd they think you are. How old are they?

no one likes to be misunderstood or not taken seriously and every one reacts to that in some way whether they show it or not. I too have a anger issue so I am always on guard because I am in a professional environment and my job relies on me being professional. Yet even in a professional environment people can be jerks. Or I will misunderstand what they mean or misread them and take them the wrong way. For me that's a issue. I'm never sure if it's me or them. It really takes a lot of practice to handle anger. I slip every now and then, we all do.

medicalfox · Aug 24, 2013, 08:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by IndieVisible

They should not be criticizing you no matter how odd they think you are. How old are they?

Mostly my peers that are18-23 year olds, but it happens at work too. I'm in the nursing field which is heavily orientated in socializing. I'm going to college to be in a different medical profession with less inter-personal connections.

IndieVisible · Aug 24, 2013, 08:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by medicalfox

Mostly my peers that are18-23 year olds, but it happens at work too. I'm in the nursing field which is heavily orientated in socializing. I'm going to college to be in a different medical profession with less inter-personal connections.

That explains it, no offense but that age group is still pretty much immature and still influenced on peer pressure. As for the nursing field that tends to be face paced and stressful so they may be common, not sure tho.

No one should be making fun of any one though. It is immature and unprofessional.

Colorsoftherainbow · Aug 24, 2013, 08:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by manwithnofriends

Me? You can tell by my username, right? That does not get me down. I can still live my life. I go out almost every day and never had to speak a word, even when buying stuff from a shop. I pack lunch so I don't have to ask for it at a restaurant. Doing what I want, when I want (except "break the law", of course) is my definition of freedom.

Although to be honest, I don't remember the last time I'm "angry". Sometimes the anger can be turned inwards, making me feel so depressed that the only thing making me happy is the thing that made me angry in the first place.

I use to be able to talk a lot, I dont talk much anymore. I feel like I'm keeping things all couped up, do you? when you dont talk.

manwithnofriends · Aug 25, 2013, 01:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Colorsoftherainbow

I use to be able to talk a lot, I dont talk much anymore. I feel like I'm keeping things all couped up, do you? when you dont talk.

Well there is family if you really need to talk about something. Family members are supposed to be understanding and non-judgmental. If they're not available, there should be an advice/counselling service near you. Otherwise, this site can help.

I don't get bored when I go out because I always bring something with me to keep me entertained.

The_little_didgee · Aug 29, 2013, 10:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by medicalfox

Mostly my peers are 18-23 year olds.

I remember those years. They were extremely difficult. It gets easier with age, because older people are more focused on things like work and family rather than popularity and other trivial matters (usually).

This has helped me start and maintain conversations:

People love it when you show interest in them. Topics like hobbies are great discussions since most of us have at least one. Hobbies make great conversations because they can be very unique, such as making crystal sets. People love talking about their pastime(s).

Sorry, I don't know what to suggest about the anger.

medicalfox · Aug 29, 2013, 11:17 PM

Thanks didgee, I'll keep that in mind

My therapist thinks I have borderline personality disorder so I have to talk to my pdoc about that

aakriti90feb · Aug 30, 2013, 06:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by medicalfox

Mostly my peers that are18-23 year olds, but it happens at work too. I'm in the nursing field which is heavily orientated in socializing. I'm going to college to be in a different medical profession with less inter-personal connections.

It happens with many

.....when we socialize with people, we either do not like their suggestion/opinion or get confused what to talk how to start. Do yu meditate? if not try it, it will help you up to a great extent. take care

medicalfox · Aug 30, 2013, 09:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by aakriti90feb

Do yu meditate? if not try it, it will help you up to a great extent. take care

I meditate a little bit, but I defiantly should do it daily if I possible. Thanks for the tip

Junerain · Aug 31, 2013, 03:59 AM

All of my friends are from a mental health support group, which is very condusive to finding and keeping true friendships

Maybe try one out?

dbsalliance.org

click on 'find support' or find a meeting

enter your zipcode

medicalfox · Aug 31, 2013, 09:57 PM

I might look into that, but I have social anxiety though

Junerain · Sep 01, 2013, 05:59 AM

Almost everyone in your support group will also have social anxiety, you will feel comfortable and understood

Take a deep breath and try it, let me know how it was- I care about you

PM me if you wish

Here is the link for the depression bipolar support alliance
dbsalliance.org

Here is the link for using their website to find a support group near you

medicalfox · Sep 02, 2013, 02:52 AM

Thank you and I will look into it

shortandcute · Sep 02, 2013, 03:06 PM

medicalfox, I peeked at your bio, and you seem like you have a lot to deal with. I admire you for even trying to go thru medical school! I have a hard time socializing myself; I remember people thinking I was stuck up--but really I was just scared to death! I tried being more social, but I kept missing something or doing something wrong, and things just seemed to get worse for me.Lots of hugs to you.

IndieVisible · Sep 02, 2013, 03:20 PM

I don't have social anxiety just general which is bad enough because I get it for no reason so I can't avoid it. I generally don't like socializing because my problem is people bore me very quickly, in minutes. After that I really don't care about them or what they have to say. Unless I'm drinking, then I become very social and afterwards usually feel stupid for some thing I did or say. What I find about so-called normal people, is they are mostly fake or shallow. They can keep talking about them most uninteresting things imaginable and get excited over nothing. That's normal I'm told. In order to fake it I have to pretend to laugh at their stupid jokes and pretend to be interested and care about their stupid stories. The only time I can do that to any degree of success is if I'm drinking. Otherwise I end up being unintentionally rude. So IMHO your not really missing out on a lot! Just a bunch of boring meaningless small talk. You would be better off just having 1 or 2 real friends and hang with them.

medicalfox · Sep 02, 2013, 08:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by IndieVisible

I don't have social anxiety just general which is bad enough because I get it for no reason so I can't avoid it.

So IMHO your not really missing out on a lot! Just a bunch of boring meaningless small talk. You would be better off just having 1 or 2 real friends and hang with them.

I have anxiety from almost everything and I'm so thankful xanax exists since it helps much. Social anxiety is terrible for me and decreases my chance of making new friends. I agree with your statement and I want that so badly. I have good friends, but I'm not their best friend since I don't get all the social gestures and jokes while their best friends do. I know one day I will have great friends, but that will probably happen when I'm older since I'm not into the party/drama scene like the other kids.

rosska · Sep 02, 2013, 10:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by IndieVisible

I don't have social anxiety just general which is bad enough because I get it for no reason so I can't avoid it. I generally don't like socializing because my problem is people bore me very quickly, in minutes. After that I really don't care about them or what they have to say. Unless I'm drinking, then I become very social and afterwards usually feel stupid for some thing I did or say. What I find about so-called normal people, is they are mostly fake or shallow. They can keep talking about them most uninteresting things imaginable and get excited over nothing. That's normal I'm told. In order to fake it I have to pretend to laugh at their stupid jokes and pretend to be interested and care about their stupid stories. The only time I can do that to any degree of success is if I'm drinking. Otherwise I end up being unintentionally rude. So IMHO your not really missing out on a lot! Just a bunch of boring meaningless small talk. You would be better off just having 1 or 2 real friends and hang with them.

I laughed so hard reading this. Not because I think you should be laughed at, but because it's pretty much exactly what I think.

Alcohol is about the only way I can really 'enjoy' a social situation, but I don't like drinking because my social filters just completely disappear and I usually spend the next week or two kicking myself for saying or doing something I never would have done had I been sober. But if I'm sober, I get bored after the first few minutes and spend the rest of the time wondering if it would be rude for me to leave yet.

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Anger from trying to socialize

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