[Hoppery]

Well, social services is giving me a weekly budget of money and I can spend it on things to improve my life. I'm very poor with social skills although I can usually mask this very well. So I'm getting a support worker aka a befriender to basically, be my friend and take me out to wherever I want to go and do whatever I want to do. This is all great but I am unsure how to start a friendship with this person and how to keep it, when I do begin to meet them. Last time I had a befriender, I went out with them almost straight away and I know this was a mistake. It cost me a sort of friend. Sorry if I'm going on but i'm a little worried that it won't go well again. I've had friends (Not genuine) on and off, but this is different. I could be getting this person for many years. So to get it to last I need to start off right, so advice on starting up a friendship correctly would be nice and just advice in general on this topic. Thank you for taking the time to read

[manwithnofriends]

idk about this, I feel for you mate.

[Hoppery]

Anyone got a helpful answer?

[manwithnofriends]

Maybe the "helpful" answer you're looking for is quite obvious. There isn't one. You can't control the outcome of events. Everyone is different. You just have to be you in these kind of situations. Trying to pretend you're someone else just to get a friend... it's called deceit.

[-jimi-]

When I had a similar contact we looked for interests in common. Came out she had about none of my interests. The only we had in common was taking walks so we did that together. Needless to say I didn't keep her for long, it was too boring. But I think it's still a place to start, seeing if there is something you might want to do together.

[phaset]

Maybe you could discuss this with the support worker when you meet them?

[rosska]

I'm the wrong person to give advice on this sort of thing. The last time I made a new friend was years ago and I threw a lighter at their head.

[catsrhelm]

My advice is start off slow and take it slow. Also I recently had to explain to my husband that some friendships are destined to end, but that new ones are always around the corner.

[Hoppery]

Originally Posted by manwithnofriends

Maybe the "helpful" answer you're looking for is quite obvious. There isn't one. You can't control the outcome of events. Everyone is different. You just have to be you in these kind of situations. Trying to pretend you're someone else just to get a friend... it's called deceit.

^ ^ ^
Maybe your answers are not actually helpful? Ever thought of that? Perhaps look into what a support worker is before answering.

As for the rest of answers, thanks.

[-jimi-]

Originally Posted by rosska

I'm the wrong person to give advice on this sort of thing. The last time I made a new friend was years ago and I threw a lighter at their head.

I know I shouldn't laugh but I have to.

Anyway, you can throw lighters at me, it's OK and not too painful. You seem awesome otherwise. Most of you guys are awesome.

[-jimi-]

OK, short question to OP, you said you went out first thing with the old contact and it wasn't a good idea. I don't get what going out means in this context.

[Hoppery]

Originally Posted by jimi...

OK, short question to OP, you said you went out first thing with the old contact and it wasn't a good idea. I don't get what going out means in this context.

Go out as in take a walk outside, go outside.

[-jimi-]

Ah, OK. What happened to make it not so good?

[Hoppery]

Originally Posted by jimi...

Ah, OK. What happened to make it not so good?

The person was a student, it was from a charity. One was on her phone the whole time and the other was in my face the whole time.

[phaset]

Is the new one from the same organization?

It doesn't sound like the first one should have been on the phone at all with you. What do you mean about the second one being in your face? Were they aggressive?

[rosska]

Originally Posted by jimi...

I know I shouldn't laugh but I have to.

Anyway, you can throw lighters at me, it's OK and not too painful. You seem awesome otherwise. Most of you guys are awesome.

Hahaha! It's ok, I laughed at it myself too. I get so awkward around people I don't know very well, and usually in an attempt to 'be cool' I end up going the complete opposite direction. Thankfully he didn't hold it against me and we are now good friends, but yeah it doesn't say much when the first time you meet somebody they throw something at your head.

Thank you! You seem very nice too.

[Hoppery]

Originally Posted by phaset

Is the new one from the same organization?

It doesn't sound like the first one should have been on the phone at all with you. What do you mean about the second one being in your face? Were they aggressive?

No, social services are giving me funding to pay for a private one from a company. The one in my face all the time wasn't aggressive, just too friendly. And yes there is such a thing! Infact, she babied me.

[Junerain]

Definately be yourself, ask questions about the person you are assigned to, show a genuine interest in their life, share about your own life...start with less personal discussion, work up to sharing deeper things...have faith that this arrangement can work, can be an emotional support for you, even be someone who understands and respects where you are coming from


I wish you the best, you sound like a great person

[Lauliza]

One thing I can suggest too is to just be straight with the person (if you aren't already) when you first meet. As in saying "I get very frustrated because I feel like I don't don't know how to act around other people and never know what to say. I really need your help with this, can you do this?".

The job of these support workers is just what's stated in this question. Their job is not to just hang out with you and act like they are your friend. It is certainly not to text while they are with you and also not to coddle you. They are supposed to be a mentor who provides practical social skills training. This is best done out in the community, not sitting in an office though. The point is that you'll eventually become less anxious and able to socialize on your own

If your support person is lousy, do you have the option to go to the agency and request a new one immediately?

[Hoppery]

Originally Posted by amee200

One thing I can suggest too is to just be straight with the person (if you aren't already) when you first meet. As in saying "I get very frustrated because I feel like I don't don't know how to act around other people and never know what to say. I really need your help with this, can you do this?".

The job of these support workers is just what's stated in this question. Their job is not to just hang out with you and act like they are your friend. It is certainly not to text while they are with you and also not to coddle you. They are supposed to be a mentor who provides practical social skills training. This is best done out in the community, not sitting in an office though. The point is that you'll eventually become less anxious and able to socialize on your own

If your support person is lousy, do you have the option to go to the agency and request a new one immediately?

Oh okay. Well my social worker has me under the impression of that they are there to take me out ect.. And A. has told me to tell my social worker if I need a new support worker because its not working out. He told me don't take second best. So I'm guessing I can get a new one if need be.