So I guess I am alone in this

I am 27 years old. All I need someone to do is just reply that they read this and maybe offer some constructive advice. Please don't tell me I am not alone because you guys are on the internet and while I may not be the only one in this position, I am alone in my own world. I want to get myself diagnosed with this because I am tired of failing. Let me start out with my strengths. I have a higher than average IQ (in the upper 100s which is still within normal range). I can form well reasoned arguments if given enough time, I can come to my own defense sometimes, I was able to get a B.A. in Psychology with a 3.2 GPA, I lived away from home for 3 years at college (even though I came home every weekend), I can keep appointments, I can interact with children very well, and most importantly, I honestly think that I have the capacity to work in neuroscience from both a biological point of view and a psychological point of view. I did very well in my bioposychology classes during my undergraduate degree. I aced my graduate level memory and cognition class. I even was allowed to help a professor do research in a limited capacity and the research was going to be peer reviewed. The only class that I needed constant tutor help with was statistics and research methods. The hardest part of research methods was trying to get my words on the paper in a coherent manner.

With all of these strengths and all of these smart traits (I am not trying to tell you guys I am smart but I have to give myself a bit of credit for getting this far and working this hard), anyways, with all of this, I cannot look people in the eye without having an anxiety reaction, I cannot control my emotions when I am with my family, I get frustrated easily because I regularly find myself not knowing how to overcome something or what to do next, and when I get frustrated, I cannot verbalize my emotions. I remember having about $400-$500 worth of Legos when I was a kid and spending hours a day just building things. I have had only had about 4 friendships during my life that lasted over a year. When I was a kid, I would only play with 1 other kid and he stopped being my friend about 10 years ago. During college, I was best friends with my roommate but I haven't talked to him in 2 years. Whenever he would invite me to do something with his other friends, I would get jealous and territorial. I wouldn't get into arguments or anything, but I would only want us to do something and not all these other people. I live at home at 27 with no job prospects, no friends, and no romantic relationships. I get very depressed because of all of this. I recently called an autism center and they are having me come in a few weeks from now. I scored a 44 on the AQ test and I know that should not be used for self diagnosis, but I consider myself very honest about my issues and I am good at analyzing myself. That being said, if 32 is clinically significant, then 44 must be definite proof. When I said earlier that I am tired of failing, I meant that I am tired of things just falling away from me. When I started college I had every intention of going further with my degree, but that just did not happen because I failed to get letters of recommendation and I just gave up because it was too stressful. When I tried to get a job with my degree, that failed as well because I would find myself in interviews saying stupid crap that had nothing to do with the interview. I just gave up after 5 interviews because that became too stressful as well.

On top of that, because I am able to hold a reasonably coherent conversation with my family, my mom, dad, and sister do not understand what I am going through. My mom actually does a bit better because since I was a small child she has taken me to doctors (sometimes 100 miles or more away) and she has begged them to diagnose me with something. They always said it was ADHD because it was the mid 90s and that was the pop-psychology bulls*** back then. We went to a neurologist at one of the best hospitals in the country and even she just said ADHD. And as it turns out she is now one of the leading autism neurologists in the city. As for my dad, he keeps bringing up the fact that because I am not disabled like he is, I have no room to complain. He is an amputee. He views this like one would view having anger issues. If you go to anger management and try hard enough then you can learn to overcome the problem. My sister is less than helpful because she criticizes everything I do. Like when I said that I was getting diagnosed, she asked me, "What good is that going to do?" And I told her that it might help me find a job that could give me some accommodations. Her response was to judgmentally ask me what accommodations do I expect to get. She said that no job is going to give me accommodations because they would just rather hire someone who didn't need accommodations. I replied by asking her what she expects me to do and she said that I better learn to live in the real world if I want to make it. So that is what I am dealing with. I have no friends, no girlfriend, a family that doesn't understand even how to spell autism and surely doesn't even know what it is, and no job prospects. And as for a job, I know that I am not going to be happy unless I am doing science of some sort. I can't work with computers like my dad wants me to and I can't just take a 9-5 desk job in an office like my sister wants me to. I will get too burnt out too quickly. All I want to do is science.

So yeah, I feel like I am alone.

hi thready
I am sorry to hear you have been struggling so long without any support. I am glad to hear that you are going to be evaluated. that sounds like the best course of action. with a diagnosis you can go through vocational rehabilitation to get a job with accomodations and finally be a success. welcome to psych central. you will find that we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome.

Hello Thready! I know exactly how you feel. I feel completely alone in this world and its very hard to live in. It's all a part of being an aspie I guess:/

My dad used to say the same thing. He never thought I had nothing wrong with me, but at least my mom did. Some people just don't believe in mental disorders (not saying AS is a disorder) but we ARE different.

As for the job thing, I can so relate to that. I only had one job in my whole life and it's hard getting past the interview.

Hi thready85. Glad you joined psych central, there are a lot of people on here who have been through similar situations like yours so hang on until you can connect with them. There's also a lot of good information that will help you get through this. It's good you are going for an eval. that will most definitely give you some direction. Don't listen to what your family tells you. You are well spoken and smart, if they don't have anything constructive to say just walk away from them. Families tend to be very unsupportive when it comes to mental health issues. Have you networked with the prof that let you help him? If you did a good job there, I bet he would offer you more work or possible refer and recommend you to some one that may be able to use your skills. As far as screwing up the interview, it takes a lot of practice. Dept of workforce development may be able to work with you to practice role playing so that you can do better on your interviews. It takes a lot of work when you have mental issues like we have but don't give up. Personally, I think the way we aspies look at things is far superior to how the rest of the world sees things. We tend to be brutally honest where the rest of the population ********s their way through life. It makes me sick to see ********ters get the jobs, the promotions et al when we are just as capable but without ********ting. I know this won't help you, but don't feel like you are totally alone. we are here to support you.

I have been very lonely trying to express my problems to the people around me and in my life. I can almost tell by how you are writing and what you have described that you will score high on the Autism scale. This is not a diagnosis, I have just worked with many children who have autism and can hear some of their voices in your writing. Communication is key with your family, remember you always win if you can keep from bringing your voice above normal speaking levels, and to use your resources to help explain Autism. Adult Services | Family Services | Autism Speaks I hope this link helps. Remember there are plenty of us out there on the Autism scale, I scored a 33.