I say "noticed" because there were plenty of red flags, especially when I was a child. My parents thought I was just special and didn't have any unmet needs, when I don't think I could really communicate them. I never have been able to.

Throughout my childhood and teenage years, I remember:
1. My inability to get along with peers most of the time. I just wasn't one of them and rarely had what I would consider a "friend". Occasionally, I was let into a group, but that never seemed to last that long.

2. I was always developmentally slow when it came to learning self-care or other simple things (like washing my hair properly or being able to use a lighter). I've always been highly intelligent but I was always made fun of for not knowing how to do everyday things.

3. I was always really clumsy (it was blamed on an inner ear thing but there might have been more to it).

4. I never really got non-verbal communication in social situations. For once in my life, I actually have friends and they've been giving me feedback on how my body language is confusing and incorrect and not communicating what I'm trying to communicate. I often don't understand the situation I'm in, like I might go to a movie with someone, but not realize it was a date or go with a guy to a frat house because I wanted to see what a frat house looked like and not realize that that was code for sex. I thought maybe I didn't understand those things because I was (and still am) innocent and pretty sheltered as a child, but still, I had absolutely no clue until it was almost too late. And even when I was trying to connect with people romantically, I'd have to ask friends what I was supposed to do step by step (like is it ok to text the person and what do I say?)

I don't understand what's appropriate and what isn't. People have told me I'm annoying, creepy, etc.

5. I've had obsessions, but I'm not sure they're in the realm of textbook Asperger's. Right now I'm obsessed with a TV show—I want anything that has the characters on it and watch the episodes over and over again. At this point, it's not conflicting with my life except for being embarrassing. I don't remember if I had any big obsessions as a child, at least nothing that I can think of at the moment.

6. I never really liked to be touched, even though (at least at the present) I want to learn to like it. According to my mother, this began when I was a baby and I never really seemed to want physical affection.

I really don't know what's wrong…maybe I'm on the wrong track. But I've always been the weird awkward kid that most people wouldn't accept and would either bully or ignore me and I sort of kept to myself. At one point, the doctors thought I had avoidant personality disorder, but now suddenly I don't have it? I just avoided people because they always made me feel uncomfortable or dumb because I would do the wrong thing.

Is a psychiatrist the correct doctor to talk to about this? I'm afraid that I'll just be dismissed as usual. I've learned to fit in as well as I can so maybe I'll seem to "normal" to even consider it.

[medicalfox]

If you have a psychiatrist talk to them about it and they can refer you to a specialist. I saw a neuropsychologist and she did a bunch of tests then diagnosed me with autism spectrum disorder. She gave recommendations to see a speech language pathologist to improve my socialization skills, but I don't have the funds sadly to see one.

[Rapunzel]

Asperger's wasn't frequently recognized until recently. It seems to have taken off in the last few years. I'm in the same boat - always knew that I was different, but nobody took notice until a couple of years ago. I always had problems with school and work not related to my academic skills or abilities, but just because I was different, and didn't pick up on or know things that everybody else seemed to know without needing an explanation.

A lot of professionals are hesitant to diagnose autistic spectrum disorders, especially in adults. I'm not sure why that is - if they are not sure that they are qualified to diagnose that, think that if you had it you would have been diagnosed as a child, think that it doesn't matter as much in adults, or what. One psychologist I saw for several years never let me talk about autistic spectrum symptoms and said that I couldn't have Asperger's and be married and have children (wrong!). If you have a psychiatrist that you are comfortable, you can start there, although psychiatrists don't tend to specifically treat autistic spectrum disorders or do testing. They should be able to recognize it and also make appropriate referrals. If you are looking for someone to diagnose and treat you, I would recommend looking for someone who specializes in autistic spectrum disorders. They can be any mental health professional. Psychologists typically are specialists in testing and diagnostics. You could also talk to a medical doctor to start with if there is one that you trust.

[CantExplain]

I've always been different, but in the days before Aspergers was widely know I was just a nerd.

Thanks for reading that huge wall of text and responding so quickly.

I understand that professionals would be hesitant to diagnose an adult and I honestly don't know for sure if there would be any true advantages to a diagnosis. Maybe to explain my eccentric behavior or possibly even offensive behavior. Who knows how much I'm done or said that offended someone that I'm not aware of?

As far as treatment goes, I have a groups of very understanding friends that let me know when I'm doing a good job with socializing, don't make fun of me for not knowing how to do something, explain things that I don't understand, and basically understand that I'm different and if I do something weird or awkward, we just laugh it off etc. I don't know if that's as good as a professional therapy, but it is free.

I only have a psychiatrist at the moment, but I'm not super comfortable with her because she's still relatively new. I'm not sure I have a better choice at the moment. I just wish I had a more specific diagnosis rather than just "anxiety" and "depression". They must be stemming from something else.

[CantExplain]

I decided I wanted a formal diagnosis. It cost me an afternoon and about $700. But now I know and I therefore sought out a specialist Aspergers counselor. That has been much more comfortable than psychotherapy.

[rosska]

I'd advise the same thing that have already been said. Asperger's didn't exist as a diagnosis until the late 90's so it's actually extremely common for adults to receive the diagnosis. I didn't get diagnosed until last year (I was 27 at the time), yet as soon as I was diagnosed myself, my friends, and my family realised it made a lot of sense and explained so much about my life. Knowing may not fix these things, but it helps to know why you're 'different' some times.

I've been wondering the same thing for a year or two. Basically since Aspergers became a "big deal" and was talked about in the papers and so forth since that's when I became more aware of what it was really about. Try to find a psych who specializes in your area if you can.

[RichardBrooks]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

I decided I wanted a formal diagnosis. It cost me an afternoon and about $700. But now I know and I therefore sought out a specialist Aspergers counselor. That has been much more comfortable than psychotherapy.

Researching Asperger's has been like reading my life story and having it make sense for the first time. I'm not sure if I can see spending the time and money on a formal diagnosis. I talked to a psychiatrist who specializes in Autism spectrum a few weeks ago because I was thinking about being tested, and she said that while there is a diagnostic test, based on the three or four minutes we were on the phone, she could probably diagnose me based on a "diagnostic interview". I don't know what if any advantages there would be to being formally diagnose.

[The_little_didgee]

Getting evaluated is worth it. It was liberating when I received my diagnosis.

I was born in the late 1970s when there was no such diagnosis. My parents and everybody else knew I was different. When I read about Asperger's/ASD I read a description of my developmental history and my social difficulties. I knew right then that was what I had.

A few psychiatrists labelled me with personality disorder, but none of those descriptions came close to describing my experience. My diagnosis rid me of the guilt and hurt that comes with getting diagnosed with a PD. It was healing.

A psychiatrist or psychologist can diagnose you. That person will usually request an interview with family or someone else who is very close to you.

I was diagnosed with a personality disorder too…and then undiagnosed (if that's even a word). Besides, if I was originally avoidant, I would have gotten "better" way too quickly.

And I agree it would be liberating…to know that all the people who disliked or even hated me over the years that it wasn't my fault—that I wasn't doing something wrong on purpose and that they just disliked me because I was "weird" and "eccentric". Or as they described me, "annoying" and "creepy".

The only person they could probably interview would be my mom. We're not really close, but she at least knew me growing up. Although, in her opinion, the reason I never really played with kids my age was I was too intelligent and didn't understand how they played, which according to my young self involved running around and screaming. I'm sure there was more to it though. I just think she'll give any excuse to say that I only acted the way I did because I was so much smarter and better than kids my age. Typical. Even if I tell her that even as an adult I need step by step instructions from a friend on some social interactions—like asking someone on a date and going on said date. I've never actually made it past the first date (if even that far) apparently because I'm just too weird or creepy. Creepy has been a word that has been actually said to me more than once and I never understood what I did that made them so angry when all I was doing was expressing interest in them…

Anyway, I'll have to ask my psychiatrist the next time I see her (which is still a few weeks away), but I'm afraid I'm still going to be dismissed.

[Rapunzel]

If I heard a mother explaining that her child never really played with other children because her child was too intelligent and didn't understand how they played, that would help to confirm a diagnosis of Asperger's. That is pretty classic right there.

Originally Posted by Rapunzel

If I heard a mother explaining that her child never really played with other children because her child was too intelligent and didn't understand how they played, that would help to confirm a diagnosis of Asperger's. That is pretty classic right there.

Yeah, that's what I thought. But to my mom, I was just too "good" for other kids. I apparently so "good" that I could entertain myself for hours by myself. And she doesn't remember me being really interested in one thing more than other things. Apparently I was interested in everything that didn't involve other people (like ballet and sports). Especially since I was terrible at anything that involved coordination and fitness. I always came in last at everything athletic. My sixth grade teacher made other kids play with me because I just wanted to sit by myself and watch ants. Just some examples.

[Rapunzel]

All of that is classic Asperger's. Even if your mom has her own explanations, it sounds like her descriptions will support the diagnosis. Tony Attwood, probably the world's leading expert on Asperger's, proposed "the cure" for Asperger's children. He said simply take the child to his or her bedroom, and leave him or her alone. The child will probably have things in the room that he or she is interested in and will entertain himself or herself. During that time, while no demands are made on the child and the child is not expected to interact with others, all of the symptoms will disappear. Until, of course, the child needs to come out of the bedroom and/or face social situations and demands.

I did the same things too. I hated P.E. because I didn't know how to play the games, wasn't any good at it anyway, and watching the ants on the field was a lot more interesting than paying attention to the game. I could watch the ants all day. One of my teachers told my parents that if I wanted to have friends, I just needed to lower my standards. I have a son who says that he isn't interested in any other teenagers his age "because they all just want to do stupid things." He is planning to wait for them to all grow up so that they will be worth associating with. My brother taught himself to read at 4 years old and proclaimed himself a genius, then later refused to go to school because there was no point in it. All typical Asperger's characteristics.

[rosska]

What Rapunzel said.

I like that quote there from Tony Attwood, I find that still works for me in adulthood. I can be very happy on my own (not all the time, but most of the time) though as soon as I have to interact with others again I instantly go back to being stressed out, confused, and upset.

Like both of you, I hated P.E. at school. It was the most pointless class ever, and most days I either skipped it or got a letter from my mum to excuse me so I could spend the two hours reading or doing work for other classes. I sucked at sport of all kinds really, with the exception of swimming which I was really good at and even participated in a few galas. Though I enjoyed it, I didn't enjoy the galas so much because of all the other people there. I prefer to just be in the water alone with my thoughts whilst I swim.

[CantExplain]

"You call it obsession. I call it focus."

Aspergers is not an abnormality, any more than being left-handed.

I really wish it would be treated like it wasn't an abnormality…

If Asperger's is really what I have, at least I could feel better about how I was perceived and treated in the past—at least that way I would know that whatever I did to make people dislike me that it wasn't my fault and that I'm not a bad person.

Or that the reason no one I was romantically interested in returned those feelings. Not only that, but many reacted negatively and would say I was creepy and I never understood why. Having Asperger's or something similar would at least explain why I would be perceived so negatively.

And I would finally know it wasn't my fault.

[CantExplain]

Aspergers isn't what I have. It's what I am.

Alright then, I don't know if this is what I am or not. I'm afraid it'll be dismissed immediately by the psychiatrist because everything that a patient comes up with is dismissed immediately by doctors because obviously we can't be "smarter" than them.