Possible Aspie?

Hi everyone. I wanted to dial this back to others on the spectrum so get some opinions.

I've been treated for various mental health conditions since my teens. At first, I was considered to be suffering from depression. I went off treatment without any change. I went back for treatment for severe mood swings after my son was born. Then, I started treatment for bipolar II.

That was five years ago. In the last three, I've been on the same combination of medications and I've been mostly emotionally stable. But, I'm still struggling with symptoms that probably should be able to he treated with my medications.

Anyway, an article about the under diagnosis of Aspergers in women and Dr. Atwood's research came to my attention. I started to kind of entertain it in light of many of my male relatives being diagnosed on the spectrum, including my son and brother. It just seemed too coincidental that it would only be affecting boys.

I really don't think I took the notion seriously until both my mom and psychiatrist agreed. It would explain a lot.

I spoke early, but my social and motor skills were sorely lacking. I was so clumsy that I managed to sustain five minor concussions before I was 10, three in the same year. I didn't really have any friends and socializing with my peers was awkward and painful. By the time I was in the 2nd grade, I didn't want to go to school anymore. I was too anxious.

I used to blame my lack of friends and social development on my parent's isolating the family to protect my brother. But, I'm starting to see the same patterns in my adult life. I still don't have friends. Though socializing is not quite as awkward, I find most of it useless and exhausting. I can't seem to hold a job, because it's just too much. I've always been sensory sensitive and hear things others don't seem to catch. I sometimes feel like the whole world is just too offensive for me to stand, and I'm getting to a point where I don't really want to go out anymore.

I know some of it seems like some underlying anxiety stuff. But, I discovered that a lot of Aspies share these particularly off the wall quirks:

1.) I don't think in pictures. I think in words. Sometimes I actually see language and music.

2.) I don't daydream. I mean, I zone out and kind of go into my own internal world with all of my own thoughts and feelings. That happens when I'm too stressed of there is too much going on around me.

3.) I get mentally and emotionally fatigued easily and need to retreat into a quiet alone place to recharge. Sometimes, sleeping it off is the only way I can really shut everything down.

What do you guys think? Is this something to look into?

hi tori
I definitely think it is something you should look into. discuss it with your psychiatrist. welcome to psych central. you will find that we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome

Thanks! A lot of people in my life have been asking me, "What do you think a label will change?" I've been tossed a lot of arguments that it will cost me more money than it's worth. I'd like to see if I'm eligible for some kind of vocational assistance. I have a really hard tome even keeping a part time job. I'm actually trying to find someone to cover my shift tonight, because I'm too tired and in too much pain from training. Plus, I haven't had any anxiety meds today, and I'm not feeling okay. But maybe if I could find a quiet job without a ton of face time, I could do okay.

And I'd like to have at least one meaningful friendship. I'm hard pressed to find anyone I connect with on a deeper level than just the superficial. But, then I can't maintain it. People think I'm rude and self involved. But, it doesn't occur to me just to call and chat about nothing. Or, I'll get flakey and break plans, because I'm burnt out. I don't know how to explain it in terms that friends could relate to, so they take it personally.

But, I'm also kind of afraid. Will it really change anything? Will it change the way anyone thinks about me? I'm always really nervous about how I'm being perceived.

It sounds plausible based on your post. Not that it means you don't have it, but Autism/Aspergers does affect males in a 4:1 ratio over females so that explains why so many of your male relatives might be on the spectrum.

There's a lot of stuff to read online that you can use to try to judge better if you think it applies to you. If you decide to look into a diagnosis you should definitely try to find a psychiatrist in your area who specializes in the autism spectrum.

Thinking back about how you were as a child can be useful too I think. I was a very odd child, had some weird rituals, repeated odd phrases that I thought were amusing, collected things (carved wooden and stone animals for example - imagine a 9 year old spending his $30 savings on a wooden carving of a rhino ), bad socially, sensitive and withdrawn, stimmed (still do but not as much), felt disconnected from people, never really "got it" in a general sort of way...

Anyways, enough about me. Hope that was helpful. I am not "officially diagnosed" either. Good luck!

I am not officially diagnosed with an ASD, but something called Nonverbal Learning Disorder, a condition very similar to Asperger's (which I am considering undergoing testing for), and you sound similar to me. I was diagnosed with depression when I was younger. Then Borderline Personality Disorder. Then Bipolar. And now Schizoaffective. I have problems with social skills, talked early, was always very clumsy, etc. I had to be taught how to run properly in grade eight. My legs went everywhere. It was quite embarrassing, the teacher pointing it out and teaching me the correct way.

Anyway, if you think you may have an ASD, definitely talk to your psychiatrist about it. Sometimes they will refer you to a psychologist, or sometimes they can do the testing themselves. It's worth it. Good luck!

I can almost guarantee that you have it based on what you said. I am coming to the same realization myself. I have intense interests and anything outside of that is difficult for me to engage in. I am able to socialize basically fine. However, there have definitely been periods where I was relatively isolated. My main problem is with concentration on things outside my special interests

Hi Tori,

There are other disorders that can look like ASD as well. My brother was diagnosed with Aspergers as an adult but after he went through the tests. My Nephew (my brothers son) was at first diagnosed with Aspergers but then when he got tests done because he was having Grand Mal seizures they found that he had a seizure disorder that can mimic signs of Aspergers. Although your feelings may be right go get the tests done anyway.