[SaraRow86]

im 27 yrs old, undiagnosed - never was allowed to go to a therapist as a kid so i just felt i shouldn't ever go. i really feel uncomfortable speaking with anyone, even my parents, unless its just about facts - i cant talk chit chat or random stuff or gossip - i just can recite things i know. and so i have no friends because i dont have any feeling for "how are you?" or if they tell me something that i'm supposed to react to. i shut down sometimes too and go mute when too much is going on or if im frustrated. i get really frustrated because inside my head im content being quiet and not looking in peoples eyes but on the outside i feel ridiculous like I don't belong at all and people think im stupid. i dont know what to do - i keep using drugs so that i forget myself but i hate that. i really dont know what to do but ive gotten to the point where i want help.

[bluekoi]

SaraRow86, Welcome to Psych Central! Perhaps it would be a good idea to go to a doctor for a professional mental health diagnosis and treatment plan? This would be the first step toward wellness. Please do not take drugs. They can make mental health issues worse. We care about you!

[Michael85]

Hi Sara
This is my first post on here but your post really resonated with me. I am a 29 year old guy and I feel I am similar to you in so many ways. All of my life I have just been really, really quiet - like, ridiculously quiet. I used to be fine that way, but as I've grown into adulthood it has become a major problem for me. It is like I was just made not to talk, it feels completely natural to me to not say anything (even when I am with someone), but it causes me so much anxiety because it is just the total opposite of what most people expect you to be like. They expect you to be social and talkative, interesting and engaging, but I am just not like that at all! I really don't know what to do because it is such a fundamental part of who I am and yet I constantly worry and panic because it is like "How the hell am I supposed to have a relationship with somebody if I never talk?!" It is a crazy problem and I just don't know what to do. I can ask people how they are and I guess make VERY rudimentary chit-chat, but that is as far as it goes with virtually everyone! It is just not possible for me to just "hang out" and "chit-chat", even though there is nothing in the world I would like more than that. It does literally seem like there is something "missing" in my brain that prevents me from talking to people, so I am forced into my own company all the time because it is just not possible for people to hang out with me or me with them! It is really quite a major problem as I do want to get married one day and I don't know how I will go about that if I am unable to talk to my girlfriend/wife on any meaningful level (!), yet this problem remains with me and from what I can tell will stay with me forever!

[Fuzzybear]

[Lexi232]

hi there!
it could be a number of things.. and drugs may mask it, but seeking professional help (doctor/therapist/meds/etc.) can help much more than the drugs can.

[VB1313]

Would recommend actually finding out one way or another. Personally for me finding out for sure was great, it explained so many things that in heinsight should've been obvious since early childhood. Never fitting in, not knowing why I didn't, realizing eventually what it was... praying to God to make me stupid so I'd socialize better. Yeah, I was 8 years old so some immaturity was involved in that... though I wasn't entirely wrong either. In high school a lot of people actually thought I was mute, and despite high grades and amazing scores on standardized tests, even a lot of my teachers thought I was stupid... because normal people associate social glibness with intelligence... sad really.

Anyway... my point is, it can't hurt to find out for sure. It explains so much, and it's nothing to be ashamed of. It actually helps you understand yourself better, so you're better able to move ahead. Learn to laugh when you catch yourself doing "that again" and adjust as needed.

Though well, obviously, I still have other issues going on... not directly related to autism.