How do I look past continuous rejection and keep trying?

this is part of the reason why i struggle with some individuals with aspd... just because i am not interested in dating someone, that does not mean i am rejecting them, and it does not mean that either of us are flawed... it gets to be very narcissistic when anytime a girl is not interested in a guy, suddenly she is an enemy.

the only advice i really have is to get outside of yourself! if someone is more interested in whether or not i am rejecting them, what is wrong with them, what they should do differently.... i feel invisible. someone who talks to me because they are genuinely interested in me (and not that i am the last person to cross off on a list), well, then i dont care what issues they have. the only remaining question is if i am equally interested in them...

but the process of who is wrong, who is being rejected, is just adolescent.

At the same time, I know how he feels. Despite being nice and knowledge-filled, I think that a lot of people do not understand me or don't get why I act or feel a certain way. Then it offends them and turns them against me. Like those two workers. Not sure what I even did to them in the beginning. Sure, the Facebook stuff was my fault, but it just got out of hand.

I still think about Laura sometimes, but she really was just a money grabber. Nobody needs that treatment.

this happens to everyone. just find those who do understand you. but try to understand them first...

For some reason I received notification for this thread this morning, & while re-reading a few, a certain memory jumped back to me. As a young girl/woman, I was quite beautiful (physically.) I even had a period of time, from about age 15 to almost 17, when for no reason I've ever been able to fathom, I "became myself". It would take too long to explain, but I somehow lost the weirdness that had followed me throughout childhood & just fit into my skin. I absolutely loved everybody, and it was not acting. I felt a real & true "oneness with the universe" baloney, except it wasn't baloney. It was real. And, when you feel that way toward others, they reciprocate. I was honestly happy, I "understood life" & knew I had a reason for existing & also for the first time ever, even could see that I wasn't all that ugly after all. In fact, I was extremely attractive. (Before, no matter what I was told, I simply felt ugly.) I've analyzed this plenty in the 40-plus years since, & do believe the main reason this took place had to do with an incredible teacher I had, but again, would take too long to explain & I've already run on more than I'd intended. Anyway, that was for about 1 1/2 years of my life, & it ended several months b/4 my 17th birthday when I was kidnapped & raped. Then PTSD took over and ruined it all.

What the point is, that I began attempting to make, I had more boy friends than girl friends during that time. Not "boyfriends", but boys who were friends. They were my best of friends, too. Not sure why, but I guess I was always a tomboy & just enjoyed hanging out with them most, going camping, jumping in the back of someone's pickup at the spur of the moment to go clam digging, things like that. Often I was the only girl in the bunch, & they all treated me like "one of the guys".

HOWEVER... inevitably, one or another of them, especially whichever one I felt closest to, would get weird on me. Then, sooner or later, someone would tell someone else who would end up broaching the subject to me that my friend was in love with me, and was too intimidated to tell me. It happened maybe about 5 times that I can specifically remember now. It always ruined everything for me. I could not understand why we couldn't leave things alone, leave them as they were working so wonderfully, leave us as the best of friends. I even did things to minimize looking too feminine, like stuffing my hair under caps, never wearing make-up, wearing baggy boy clothes, etc.

Don't think I'm some egotistical woman who was hung up on her great looks, either. I'm not kidding when I say I grew up being told & believing I was ugly. When I had that revelation that I was pretty, although I won't say I wasn't happy about it, I was kind of more bemused than anything. And after the PTDS came on, I not only went back to feeling ugly again, I couldn't even look in the mirror without seeing little worms crawling out of my pores or other horrific images. But for that period of time in high school, when I was so very, very happy with my friends, I could not for the life of me understand why I couldn't keep my friends who were boys as "just friends" without them getting strange & lovesick on me.

And I really do believe there are plenty of other young women out there who feel that way. When you guys are out to meet women with the intent of romance in front of it all, I believe you are blocking yourselves from the chance of finding some awesome friends who are women. They may end up being some of the best friends you'll ever have. There may never be a chance of romance with most of them. Or, who knows? It's possible that one special one may end up falling in love with you.

I'm not saying this as clearly as I intended or as clearly as I saw it in my mind when I began. I'm sorry for all the extemporaneous bull I went through in getting to this final point. Just didn't know how else to explain my reasoning for it. Maybe if I hadn't been so physically attractive it wouldn't have been such a problem, I don't know. I clearly felt like "one of the guys" but I didn't look like it, so... I don't know. But, whether you think I shoulda been "flattered" or something like that, I wasn't. I was always devastated to find out that one of my favorite and best of friends saw me as a possible romantic interest instead of his good forever friend. It took away from my self-esteem, not added to it. In my mind it was like, so what would happen if a car ran over my face & ruined it? Then, would he no longer want to be my friend? Or something along those lines.

I'm just saying, that's all. I see so many posts from some of the guys here about romantic pursuits, and wonder if you just changed your goals to friendship pursuits with women? And, while you're at it, if you do that, it shouldn't matter what they look like, either, right? If you're only interested in friendship? Sorry if this is too wordy, fragmented, tmi, etc. Didn't know how else to explain. I'll probably end up asking for it to be deleted when I read it again in horror next week. But please know my intentions are meant for good for you.

And ps ~ if you don't think "looks matter", all you have to do is get old & see how much differently people, particularly strangers, treat you from when you were young & beautiful. Even AS'ers get away with a lot more when they're "Y&B".

And like some of the other older posters, likewise, I'd hang out with you, except you might not want to, me being probably twice your age! Both of you (DIMF and Stb Guy) make some very interesting posts. Please read and think about the above too. It says a lot. And TBH even if as a woman, you're looking for a relationship, you're more interested in stuff like would you make a good dad, can you fix things, do you make me laugh, are you kind, can you earn a living, will you look after me if I'm sick - or things about who you are rather than what you look like or what you do for a living. It's long term. Can you see eachother for years and not fall out or get bored or treat me bad. Women are afraid of bad experiences too. And being twice your age, I know you'll be OK. It's hard now, but you have plenty of time. And your hearts are in the right place.

daynrand, you said it well. you said basically what i wanted to say but didn't have the patience to say so it came out all wrong. but that is what i meant... not to view it as a case of rejection or having me as some sort of successful pursuit but be interested in me. if you are just interested in the person, it could end up as anything (romance or friendship or otherwise).