[PrairieCat]

I realized recently that I have high functioning autism, possibly Asperger's. I grew up in a family where everyone but our mother had autism. Today I don't see anything positive about it. My entire life was a struggle. I have three siblings and none will talk to me about it. I am so tired of them and so tired of the bad memories. I just have to say that it was a struggle that seems unending and I'd like it to end.

I don't really want to go on with this. I want to stop living. I am very alone and I have nobody to talk to about it. I am also very old. I can't see the point of going on. I want to be done with it. Is there anyone else out there who has similar feelings?

[Skeezyks]

Well... you wrote that you're very old. I don't know how old very old is to you. I'm 70 & that feels pretty darn old to me... some days more than others. I tell myself multiple times a day I wish I would just die. It's become sort-of a habit. (I've actually made two attempts to that end previously.) I'm also tired of the bad memories. Unfortunately, in my case, I created a lot of them myself. There's no one else I can blame.

I also have no one to talk to. I am married. But for a variety of reasons there is no discussion of anything there. Plus I have no extended family & no friends or even acquaintances by choice. I'm pretty-much a hermit.

I don't think there is any point in going on either really. I just get up every day & do what needs to be done because... well... because it needs to be done. As my father used to say many years ago: "You're not required to like it. You're just required to do it." I take that as my mantra.

[JayJay1999]

I am not old at all, but I have days like that as well. I get very frustrated because I'm lonely, and I don't know how to talk to other people. The only person in my family with Aspergers is my dad, and the rest of my family is oblivious to my problem because I function well enough to work and go to school. I would like to think that even when we become old, and feel like there isn't much left to live for there is still something out there we have yet to discover though. I hope you feel better soon.

[PrairieCat]

Thanks for your comments, Skeez and Jay. I am almost 78 years old. I am a cancer survivor. I have to get checked every three months for cancer. My daughter, my only child, has been diagnosed with leukemia. My grandson is attempting to get sober after 10 years of drug use. Those are reasons I am taking Prozac. Depression and Anxiety. I just had to go through hell to get it refilled because of stupid doctor.

I also do what needs to be done every day. Have wished to die many times.

I think I am going to go to counseling place on the other side of town that helped me greatly many years ago. I have another very serious issue to process and I need help doing it or I will end up in the ZOO! It seems like hell to get older. I had no idea it could be this difficult.