Thinking I might be on the spectrum

I am a 20 year-old female. I'm in University right now pursuing a Bachelor's.

I've been researching Aspergers' and Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASDs) for the past two or so months. There were points in time when I got super obsessed with it... (not a first obsession of mine). After finding myself relating to quite a few of the symptoms, I mentioned it to my family doctor / GP. She basically said that I don't need the label. I complained about problems with relationships and social interactions and she told me to practice some more and come back in half a year if I still had these issues. Now I'm stuck trying to decide if I should get a second opinion on this from my University's counseling services or not. I'm quite anxious about how they might react, especially after my doctor's "rejection".

So here are the things from my life that I think are relevant to ASD:

Social:
- When I was just starting school (age 6), I had a friend who manipulated me to do what she wanted me to do and I genuinely believed we were friends.

- When I was 9-10, I found both of my closest friends being best friends with someone else, so I didn't have a best friend. I also didn't spend much time hanging out with friends because they didn't invite me much. I thought my friends hung out more with each-other than with me. I didn't keep in touch with friends from school during summer break.

(I immigrated to Canada when I was close to 13).

- I didn't really have friends in high school. The conversations I had with my "friends" were all only about school. I didn't hang out with anyone outside of school. I didn't keep in touch with or hang out with anyone over summer break. When I was in a small private school in grades 9-11, I probably had a pretty bad reputation because my neighbor, whom I knew from my previous school, didn't talk to me at school and the new people at school that I started to make friends with lost interest in me soon after.

- I haven't made any meaningful or close connections at university. All of my relationships feel like I am trying to put on a show for the other person. As a result, I feel like they are getting emotional gratification out of it while I am not. There are rare occasions on which I do express my true thoughts, which are often regarded as weird.

- Direct eye contact at close distance is impossible for me. It's too overwhelming and I can't maintain it for longer than a fraction of a second.

- My mom thought I didn't have emotions when I was a teenager... (I was trying to hide them). My therapist said my face (or just me in general) isn't very expressive.

- I feel like I often don't know what face to make or how to react (I have to think through the situation and make a conscious decision). I make inappropriate faces or have inappropriate reactions spontaneously (I think they're right, so they happen without me making a conscious decision).

Special interests:
- I sometimes get obsessed with a topic of interest (like Asperger's Syndrome or Bipolar Disorder) and I research it for hours on end without breaks. These obsessions last from one day to weeks.

- I have been obsessed with more skill-based things as well, like singing and playing guitar. There was one day when I sang for 5 hours in a row and then sang some more for another two hours. The intensity of these interests tends to pass, although the general interest remains.

- I get more energy when I am pursuing my current topic of interest to the point of having trouble falling asleep.

- I always pay 100% of my attention to the thing I'm doing. For example, I can't hear when I'm reading. So when I'm reading, I often don't realise that someone is talking to me until they have been talking for a couple of minutes...

Sensory:
- When I was a child, I found a lot of clothing to be irritating. I would throw tantrums when my mom would put tights or socks on me. I could NOT deal with wearing a T-shirt under a jacket with tighter sleeves because the T-shirt sleeves would get crumbled up and irritate me. I had to have clothing tags removed because they were very irritating to my skin. Now, I can handle these things better, but I still prefer comfortable clothing and no clothing tags.

- I'm not sure if these are a problem, but... I tend to close my ears due to loud sounds when others are fine. I can't stand bright screens in dark rooms and I usually keep the brightness on my electronics just bright enough to be able to see.

- I have trouble distinguishing voices that I'm trying to listen to in a loud environment. Sometimes others' loud conversations (that I'm not part of) distract me and I can't help but listen to them. I think I hear everything all at once, especially when I'm trying to listen to something (If I'm listening to one thing, I'm listening to everything). This is one of the reasons why I often zone out and try to escape into my own little world because I "can't hear" when I'm thinking.

Intellectual:
- I started talking quite early, but I had trouble with reading. My reading skills were a concern in first and second grade. I had (and still kind of have) trouble with "mental math". I have to picture the numbers and line them up in my head to do math, which is tedious, time-consuming and error-prone. I was also bad at word problems in elementary school, but they're no problem now. I've been pretty good at algebra since high school though.

- I had some trouble with reading comprehension in high school. I doubt this was due to my English, but that is a slight possibility. I think I have trouble with figuring out characters' intentions sometimes.

- I'm pretty successful at university, so my intelligence is above average... I just don't know what was the deal with my bad grades in the first four years of school. I had two seizures when I was around 3 and I was on medication for those until I was 9, so maybe that was the reason...., but it's all a mystery that I wish I had the answer to.

Well, if you actually read all of that, BRAVO! and thank you. Sorry that this post is so long.

On a final note, I know no one but a professional can diagnose me, but this rant will be good to help me compile my thoughts into one place. I welcome any suggestions about whether I should pursue a diagnosis and whether I should talk to my university's counselors or my doctor once again.

Thanks for sharing your concerns. I really can't comment knowledgeably with regard to most of this. But, as far as seeking a diagnosis goes, my thought would be that if you do want to pursue professional diagnosis the best alternative, if it is an option for you, would be to seek the services of a psychologist, or mental health therapist, not connected with the university. (I see you're in Canada. I'm not that familiar with how mental health services are provided there.)

I obviously don't know anything about the student counseling services your university provides. Maybe they're excellent. But any contact I ever had with university counseling services, many years ago when I was in school, was seriously lacking. So I guess I'm a bit doubtful that one would be likely to get much in the way of beneficial assistance from a university counseling service. But, of course, I could be wrong.

You could go back to your GP with regard to this I suppose. However my experience suggests to me that general practitioners don't, as a rule, have expertise in mental health issues. And at least some of them can be quite arbitrary & narrow minded on the subject. You could consider seeking an opinion from a psychiatrist I suppose. But, here again, I'm not knowledgeable with regard to how these sorts of things work where you live. Where I live, pretty-much all psychiatrists do is to prescribe & monitor psych med's. So I don't know of how much help a psychiatric consult would be either.

I did want to just mention that, as it happens, family therapist Kati Morton has just uploaded a video onto her YouTube channel on the subject of high functioning autism. I haven't listened to it myself yet. But here's a link in case it would be of interest to you:



Also... here's a link to a previous YouTube video Kati uploaded on the subject of Asperger's & autism:



From what you wrote, it sounds as though you're probably already pretty-well informed on the subject of Asperger's & ASD. So I won't burden you with a bunch of links to articles on the subject. However here are links to 3 articles, from PsychCentral's archives... the first being a quick screening test:

https://psychcentral.com/quizzes/autism-test/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/adult-a...f-a-diagnosis/

https://psychcentral.com/news/2016/1...sm/112749.html

Lastly... here's a link to an article on another website I happened onto related to the question of whether or not to seek a professional diagnosis:

https://musingsofanaspie.com/2013/02...nal-diagnosis/

I wish you well...

Does it matter? You don't mention it, but if you are experiencing certain problems or have issues you want to resolve; it will have to be resolved regardless of a diagnosis.

I believe that a diagnosis in many people will inhibit self-improvement. It will turn a problem that can be solved into something permanent that is to be accepted because that is who you truly are.

I see your point. The main issue I'm trying to resolve is being able to build better relationships. I know I will have to work on this regardless of a diagnosis, but due to the nature of ASD and how it affects social skills, if I decide to work with a therapist on my social skills, maybe they will incorporate a more ASD-friendly approach.

Getting accessed can be very helpful in self discovery and emotional development, so I believe it is worth it even if you are not diagnosed with ASD.

GP's are useless for things like this.

The counseling service at your university is worth looking into, since they can refer you for an assessment and provide ongoing psychotherapy. Another option is the student disability office. Students can usually request an appointment and discuss their concerns if they believe they have a disability, which may lead to an assessment with a psychologist.

When I was in university I went to counseling specifically for social skill training and understanding people. The counselor worked specifically with students with ASD.

I am in the same place as you except I am a lot older and wish counselling services with training in psychology had been available at the time. I definitely needed them at your age, and think my situation today might be a lot better with them.

Anyway, with OC symptoms and temper tantrums I thought I might have BPD, but actually ASD seems a much better match for my case. People keep telling me a diagnosis would be of no use but I am convinced of the contrary. It would help me with positive acceptance, and even at my age some coaching as well as a more structured life style should benefit me if I really have what I think I might have.

So I am going to get assessed for ASD, and will gladly pay for it myself, as I don't think the public system would bother.

What would be the point of the diagnosis at your age. You are obviously very successful at school and you have made it this far in life. Most services for autism are geared towards young children and those adults who would not be even able to contemplate college. A diagnosis on a record would just hold you back. People have their own idea of autism which may not remotely describe you.

By all means check out therapy and learn/practice social skills if that is what you need, but the label/diagnosis is not as significant as it would be if you were in elementary school.

Are there other young adults at your school who you know of that has this diagnosis? I ask because you will only be in therapy 1 hour a week and the rest of the time during the week is you practicing what you have done in therapy. As you no doubt know it's going to be work for you and someone else who is s similar will have some understanding.

At mine, or BrowseAfterMidnight's?

How would a diagnosis on my medical record hold me back? As far as I know, medical records are not disclosed except when there is risk to self or others or a legal action requires it. So I doubt it would affect me getting a job or education or anything essential like that. Or do you mean it would give me an excuse to not do anything about my difficulties or to feel sorry about myself?

On the note of diagnoses, I already have a diagnosis of Major Depressive Disorder, so ASD wouldn't be a first (even though it's different). In fact, I think my episodes of depression might have been "caused" by an underlying ASD. If that is the case, I would want to know. I don't want to rely on antidepressants for my entire life. I think there is still risk of me going back into depression once I'm off antidepressants because the underlying issue of not being able to form relationships very well is still there.

BrowseAfterMidnight, you are doing the right thing getting evaluated. So many medical conditions are now better understood than when I was your age, why not take advantage of all the scientific progress.

Or is anyone here still using mechanical typewriters?

No, I don't think you are the type of person who would feel sorry for herself. However I have found the public in general does not have an accurate idea of what the ASD spectrum entails. Work on your social skills with therapist, even interviewing skills that you will need. Even doctors are not well educated on the spectrum, so I would just stay as far away from the label as I could, because our medical providers have biases, too! And it doesn't seem to affect your medical care.

If having a label or diagnosis attached to you is validating, the decision is yours! Best wishes for your future. I am thinking you will be a success!!

Agreed, sharing an AS diagnosis with employers isn't helpful unless there was something they could help with. Some companies have roles best suited to Aspies. I would probably tell my family doctor.

Aside, I think a diagnosis can only be invalidating if it isn't applicable.

Yes, a lot of progress has been made in medicine and science in general. But in understanding something like mental disorders? I don't think any progress has been made, at least not in understanding what it is and how to cure it.

I wanted to address these comments because I ran into something similar when I posted in this forum, I didn't know how to respond at the time, and it stayed with me.

Yes, for me it matters. I've been diagnosed at 52 years old. I have found work arounds for most things related to both ASD and other mental health issues, but these solutions caused their own problems. Going to a mental health practitioner who focused on the symptom of the problem rather than the problem itself, didn't help.

i.e. I am a runner. I've lived in forty states, and in some of those I've lived in twenty cities or more. I've also lived in about a dozen countries. I've had mental health practitioners try to solve that one, but without understanding the underlying reason, they didn't make much progress. (not ASD related)

But here's the thing: I became disabled five years ago. Most of my solutions and work arounds don't work any more because I'm not capable of doing them. So I'm running into problems that I can't fix for the first time in my life. Having a diagnosis prevents me, and my mental health team, from having to reinvent the wheel and we can start with those solutions that have had the most success with people with my particular diagnosis's.

They may not work for me, but it allows me to save time when I am struggling so that I don't have to struggle for as long.

I don't think anyone educated opes to claim they understand the underlying cause of any mental illness.