Where you can go to be around people but not talk/interact

Hello – I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions where you could be in proximity to people but not have to interact with them. I am looking for some place where I can rely on going on a consistent basis and can just sit in the corner as if invisible, and be around people but not have any involvement (nor any expectation on their part of my current or future involvement) with them. I tried to get this in therapy but my therapist is unreliable in providing consistent appointments, and it is a very expensive method given I have no desire to talk to the therapist and just want to sit there in silence.

I have no desire for social interaction or overcoming my social issues – I just want somewhere “to go” on a regular basis. I live alone, work full-time, am very depressed and my only activity is going to therapy – which is not meeting the needs I described above. I just want “something” to give me structure at least once or twice a week after work hours (or even more days than that, if it was an environment that worked for me). Ideally, I could bring my dog as well.

I don’t think there are any after work hours therapy groups I could join – and I expect they would want you to participate in any case. I envision something like AA, where I believe you can just attend and not speak – but I feel it would be “wrong” to go to an AA or similar meeting all the time if that wasn’t my issue – because I’d just be “using” their group to meet my unrelated needs and they would be rightfully angry with me if they found out. I have no issue with “working”….doing volunteer work… but all of that involves human interaction on various levels – I don’t want that. I have debated just going and sitting in a church – some advertise “open praying” times in the evenings…but like AA, if I am not there to pray, it seems wrong. Just sitting in a shopping mall, I would worry about getting in trouble for “loitering”…and that environment to be honest freaks me out.

Wondering if you might have any suggestions? Thanks!

Two of my favorites:

1. library
2. museums

The library is the best, don't have to interact with anyone or anything except a book.
yellowfrog is right museums are great.

Thought of another one....

Try going to the movies when you know there won't be much of a crowd. You'll only have to interact with the ticket seller, the theatre will be mostly empty, and no one is supposed to be chit chatting during a movie.

I've always enjoyed coffee shops (as they all have free wi-fi now, even in small towns!), but you do have to briefly interact with the barista to order coffee or tea. I think it helps if you have an idea what you want before going in and/or always get the same thing.

Library is a good idea if you don't want any interaction at all, though.

Or if the weather's nice, and you have a park nearby, maybe take a book there or something.

The cinema would be my best bet.

my favorite place is the coffee shop in my local Hastings Bookstore. i get a coffee and sit somewhere with a book and am out for a while. there are people around me but i ignore them and they ignore me.

anytime you are out in public you are going to have to interact with people. either you'll have to buy something so you're not loitering or they're going to ask you something because they don't know what your reason is for being there. but that's miniscule compared to group therapy where you'd be forced to interact because they're going to ask you questions. "do you have anything to share?" that question will get very annoying very quickly.

i like to walk around Walmart, too. the associates aren't very friendly so they don't ask questions and i can walk around and no one cares if i'm loitering or not (which i usually am).

if you're up to spending the money, a cinema is a good idea. some even have kiosks that completely take out the having to wait in line for a ticket or having to deal with the cashier. and it's dark and no one will talk to you. and you get entertainment.

Hello Thimble .

I wonder if there are any mental health groups near where you are that might be the sort of thing you are looking for. Not sure which country you are in but here in UK I used an outfit called Mind (which is a mental health charity that has drop in centres in various towns).

I found it really useful because apart from an initial meeting with someone at the centre itself to talk about why I wanted to come and whether the centre could help me, I was able to come and go as I pleased, didn't have to speak to anyone but was welcome to come in and do different activities, or just sit around with other people, without being expected to interact or particpate or talk to anyone. It was such a relief to feel welcomed and accepted but not be expected to participate or act 'normal', but at the same time to be around people (which I really needed at the time.) It sounds like maybe this is the sort of thing you might be needing, and so it might be worth checking out either the equivalent sort of mental health group or centre, or a community centre where you would be welcome to drop in but not actually have to participate or 'earn' your right to be there.

I wish you luck and hope you can find something that will give you the chance to be around people without having to interact.

Torn xxx

For openers, I would suggest going to the park and sit on a bench to people watch. Bring along your dog. Somebody is bound to say something of the order of "cute dog!" and all you have to say is "Thank You". It could be quite an interesting game. Just sit there and see who notices your dog and wether or not they smile at him/her. I agree clubs or organizations is not the ticket, because of the expectation of participation. Besides, you can not bring your dog along. You may have guessed I like dogs. I do. They are my companions and they help me with similar situations as yours. As for the mall, sitting at the mall while eating something from the snack bar cannot be construed as loitering. Also sitting with a shopping bag (who's gonna know it's a bag from a long ago purchase?) in your hand cannot be construed as loitering. Good Luck and Have Fun watching people.

Thanks for the suggestions. This may sound weird, but I kind of wanted to find somewhere where I "knew" people....like I was part of the group, but didn't want to participate....have your cake and eat it too. I think there would be "regulars" at the spots you mentioned though - familiar faces that I would get to recognize at a museum, library, dog park, cinema etc. so I would feel like I "knew" them and "belonged" ....without having to interact or ever talk to them at all - just a "visual" sort of relationship. What Torn described is exactly the type of atmosphere - but I would worry like others suggested, that once you get into any formal group therapy kind of setting, you get roped into "participating". The Mind-type places sound less structured though - I will check if any of the walk-in groups don't require anything on your part to go there - I found a few have nightly meetings/drop-in type things for anxiety, OCD etc. in my area...going once wouldn't hurt and I could always leave and never go back. I really wanted to thank you for your replies - it meant a lot

Outdoor malls are great, but not everywhere has them of course if there's a lot of cold weather in your area.

I always say I want to go to the airport, just to watch the planes and jets take off or to grab a bite - people watching at the airport is so interesting.

Museums are nice, or places like cultural or botanical gardens. You have to pay, but if you get a year pass, the cost is so negligible if you go often.

As others have said also, the library is calming. In that same vein, maybe poetry readings if you like that sort of thing? Sometimes there is participation in that authors allow people to ask question or give their opinions. Also, if you get into it enough, maybe you could do a reading of your own during an open session one day.

So you want to see the same people all the time, but not interact with them?

Why not go and watch local sports teams? You'll likely find the same crowds of people at them, especially if you go to watch the same team. It'll be a loud environment, but you'll get to feel like part of the crowd without actually having to talk or cheer yourself!

(Of course, I don't like sports so that idea would horrify me!)

Libraries often have people there on the same sort of schedule - and coffee shops. If you start going to the same place on the same day at the same time, you'll likely start to notice regulars.

Find out where some groups meet to do things like tai chi? There are groups that do those activities in parks, if you learn their schedule you can sorta stalk them and go to the park to read near them when they're there.

Do you knit? You could always try joining a knitting group. Or a writing group - just find one that is focused on WRITING in one location as opposed to critiquing each other's work. With a knitting group you could always pass off talking by saying that you like to be around people when you knit, but that you are terrible at talking at the same time because you need to focus.

Are there any community gardens near you? You could always get a place in a community garden and then you'll see the same people who are working in their parts too.

i wish i can make friends every day. I mean, so far, it's been hard for me because everyone is different in their personality and everything.

I go to the gym and wear a headset so I don't have to interact with anyone if I don't want to, sometimes it is not even turned on. The exercise helps with stress and I can look around and feel superior to some people. Some people have reached out to me and really seem to feel bad when I don't act interested in them. This leads to feeling guilty but I'm letting them deal with it.