Avoidants in a relationship.

I wonder what most psychologists would think about the prospects of a relationship between two Avoidants? I've been searching high and low for successful instances of such a couple and so far I've come up dry.

I don't see why it couldn't work. They'd just be the most withdrawn-from-society couple ever and would argue over who has to answer the door for the pizza guy or call the electric company!

Well, I'm newly diagnosed avoidant, and I'm not sure about my husband. He has social anxiety for sure, even more than I do, and mine's pretty darn strong.

Yeah, we're two peas alone in a pod.

Yes, they would be quite withdrawn from the world. But they would a special kind of love. they really wouldn't need anybody else at first. but could slowy work towards finding nutally acceptable friends. This is my dream. I can see her now. like Laura Wingfield from Tennesee william's The glass menagerie. And yeah I hope to someday write a book with her called "Always and Never" . As it is said people w/ personality disorders are quite fond of using such words. while rarely meaning them. peace out.

I think such a couple would make a perfect match. It is my dream! She would be like my Laura Wingfield--the avoidant female charactor from Tennesee williams The glass menegerie. I even wrote a song called "Blue roses" her nickname from the play. It might be a virtual impossibiltie for two severe Avoidants to ever meet, but I'm not giving up! My search will continue. And someday I actually wanna write a semi-autobiographical poem with her help, called "Always and Never". As I've heard these words are commonly used among people with personality disorders, while they rarely mean them. I might be the sole exception ib that case. Lol jk. peace out for now.

How do you even get in a relationship?! I can't even get to friendship with most people. I'm fine with introductions but the more you know me, the more I avoid you. Kind of doesn't work for relationships :/

I've been speaking to a guy who recently admitted he, too, is avoidant after I told him. We speak sporadically. But it's nice having someone who... gets it. Whether it will go further or not, I don't know. I have always felt I do better in relationships where the other person is more social. I feel it balances me out.

Never and Always are limiting words. They should never be used - always remember this.

Don't know, but avoidant:avoidant is probably better than an avoidant:sociopath relationship. Which is not good. At all!

My best friend is avoidant. Her boyfriend is, too. Seems to work. My partner isn't avoidant, but I am, and it still works. At least I think so.

The time it's most likely to cause a problem for my husband and me, both being avoidant, is when there is a disagreement between us. I want to go ahead and get the issue addressed and worked through, but conflict-avoidance is a big part of him. So to him, I'm harping. And to me, he's just ignoring me. That can cause more conflict, and it feeds on itself. We have had to learn to work around each other's quirks here.

I hear avoidant male : dependent female is the way to go. The male can be emotionally distant and cold and the woman can be needy and emotional. It fills the socially-assigned gender roles. What I read about it actually was about attachment style relationships - dismissive–avoidant male and anxious–preoccupied female. They tend to have long lasting relationships but not with high relationship satisfaction (you need a secure attachment for relationship satisfaction as far as I can tell).

I think AvPD is really an extension of dismissive-avoidant attachment. And Dependent PD is an extension of anxious-preoccupied attachment. Attachment styles are very interesting and relevant to read about when you have a PD I think.

From wikipedia (if anyone gives a ***** to read about it). If you want to read the AvPD-relevant part it is under dismissive–avoidant (time to blame your mom for your avoidance). Secure attachment covers all the confident, happy people of the world - I don't think anyone on this entire forum had secure attachement and that is their problem. These are all determined by like age 7 and you can't really change them so much, unfortunately, so if you weren't securely attached you are doomed:

Secure attachment

Securely attached people tend to agree with the following statements: "It is relatively easy for me to become emotionally close to others. I am comfortable depending on others and having others depend on me. I don't worry about being alone or having others not accept me." This style of attachment usually results from a history of warm and responsive interactions with relationship partners. Securely attached people tend to have positive views of themselves and their partners. They also tend to have positive views of their relationships. Often they report greater satisfaction and adjustment in their relationships than people with other attachment styles. Securely attached people feel comfortable both with intimacy and with independence. Many seek to balance intimacy and independence in their relationship.

Secure attachment and adaptive functioning are promoted by a caregiver who is emotionally available and appropriately responsive to his or her child’s attachment behavior, as well as capable of regulating both his or her positive and negative emotions.

Insecure attachment

Anxious–preoccupied attachment

People with anxious-preoccupied attachment type tend to agree with the following statements: "I want to be completely emotionally intimate with others, but I often find that others are reluctant to get as close as I would like", and "I am uncomfortable being without close relationships, but I sometimes worry that others don't value me as much as I value them." People with this style of attachment seek high levels of intimacy, approval, and responsiveness from their partners. They sometimes value intimacy to such an extent that they become overly dependent on their partners. Compared to securely attached people, people who are anxious or preoccupied with attachment tend to have less positive views about themselves. They often doubt their worth as a partner and blame themselves for their partners' lack of responsiveness. People who are anxious or preoccupied with attachment may exhibit high levels of emotional expressiveness, worry, and impulsiveness in their relationships.

Dismissive–avoidant attachment

People with a dismissive style of avoidant attachment tend to agree with these statements: "I am comfortable without close emotional relationships", "It is very important to me to feel independent and self-sufficient", and "I prefer not to depend on others or have others depend on me." People with this attachment style desire a high level of independence. The desire for independence often appears as an attempt to avoid attachment altogether. They view themselves as self-sufficient and invulnerable to feelings associated with being closely attached to others. They often deny needing close relationships. Some may even view close relationships as relatively unimportant. Not surprisingly, they seek less intimacy with relationship partners, whom they often view less positively than they view themselves. Investigators commonly note the defensive character of this attachment style. People with a dismissive–avoidant attachment style tend to suppress and hide their feelings, and they tend to deal with rejection by distancing themselves from the sources of rejection (i.e., their relationship partners).

Fearful–avoidant attachment

People with losses or sexual abuse in childhood and adolescence often develop this type of attachment and tend to agree with the following statements: "I am somewhat uncomfortable getting close to others. I want emotionally close relationships, but I find it difficult to trust others completely, or to depend on them. I sometimes worry that I will be hurt if I allow myself to become too close to others." People with this attachment style have mixed feelings about close relationships. On the one hand, they desire to have emotionally close relationships. On the other hand, they tend to feel uncomfortable with emotional closeness. These mixed feelings are combined with sometimes unconscious, negative views about themselves and their partners. They commonly view themselves as unworthy of responsiveness from their partners, and they don't trust the intentions of their partners. Similar to the dismissive–avoidant attachment style, people with a fearful–avoidant attachment style seek less intimacy from partners and frequently suppress and deny their feelings. Instead, they are much less comfortable expressing affection.

I've done a lot of reading about attachment styles after my therapist suggested it a while ago.

I fit into fearful-avoidant as I display both sides - I want to be close but I push away and won't rely on anyone. I do not have the dependant factor, as I don't trust anyone else to be there for me. The thing that doesn't fit me about fearful-avoidant is that I haven't experienced any extreme abuse or losses. I'm just a mix of the two.

My thoughts and emotions fit with anxious-preoccupied, but my behaviours fit with dismissive-avoidant.

Maybe I am a little in the fearful direction too, but I think I am more dismissive. I have read things about developing secure attachment later in life, but I'm not sure I buy it... let's all just give up now.

Enjoyed the classic simpson's quote btw.

Anxious attachment here I think, try too hard to be close, people shy away, I worry, try hard more, cycle leads to loss of relationship.

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