fab new theory about avoidance

They say that avpd is both nature and nurture; partly a predisposition for it, but you need a trigger to start it up. Of course, they don't know anything about why you might be predisposed for it. I think I might have stumbled upon something.

Okay, let me back up a bit. They say again (eesh, they, lol) that memories are made up of neural pathways in the brain. Like highways that thoughts run along. We build and adjust and rebuild them all the time.

My theory is, that for avoidant people, the neural pathways are deeper and stickier than they are for other people. Because they are so deep and sticky, we can't rebuild and scrap what was there before, we can only add. We can't forget, even if the conscious memory is gone, it's still there underneath everything.

For example, you might meet someone and think they are delightful. However, you get to know them and it turns out they aren't so nice. Unavoidant people would be like, okay, I gave you 3 chances, I'm out of here.

But avoidant people can't forget how they were when they first met. You could have 186 incidences of the person being horrible, or using you, or whatever, and it won't matter. Because the original idea - that person is delightful - is still there. Of course, you'd rather that be the truth, so you're going to ignore how they've actually been acting and cling to the ghost idea of how they used to act.

When you have the option - two contradictory, but in your mind equal choices, despite all the evidence to the contrary, since the original neural pathway is still there - of course you're going to pick the original nice image of the person. Which means you'll then experience the 187th incident of being treated poorly by the "delightful" person who knows they can get away with treating you like garbage since you keep coming back for more.

I'm wondering if this is just a personal quirk of mine, or if it really is an avoidant trait. It seems like it locks in like a puzzle. But that doesn't mean much - I'm just one person. I don't think a poll would do it justice. So I'll just ask - does that seem like a feasible thing? Is it something that is exclusive to avoidants, or do you think everyone experiences the same thing, and I'm just blowing it out of proportion?

Hello ck2d: Thanks for sharing your thoughts. The brain is such a complex organ & there is still so much to learn about how it functions, or does not function, as the case may be. Personally, I would say that if the concept you have outlined is helpful to you in dealing with whatever mental health struggles you have, then run with it.

Personally, I pretty-much keep to myself at this late stage in my life. So I don't, at this point, have much experience with regard to how I view other people. However, I will say that I don't think I have much trouble with changing my view of other people. I'm pretty-much ready, willing, & able to scrap my good initial impression of people at a moment's notice, if I decide they weren't the person I thought them to be in the beginning. So perhaps that suggests that the dynamic you describe is not necessarily something that is common to everyone.

I think those neural pathways remain the same which becomes our natural instinct.

Learned behavior and i guess the expectation of what we want we cant have due to many hyper sensitive emotions?

I don't know, this is way out of my depth.

Some heavy thinking there ck

I don't know if your theory may be right or wrong but in my case, i fix it very well. I'm pretty reluctant to change my opinión about a person.
As it has been said before, brain is a complicate organ and I'm sure in the future Neuro-Science is going to give us many susprises.

Your theory is making me think.

On one hand, it's true what I have said about having fix impressions about people but I have two recent cases in which I'm having easier to change my mind. This leads me to the second part, Neuro-scientists claim the great plásticity of the brain. So, I wonder if this aspect can be change. Don't know.

I dont think this is experienced only by avoidants. To me it sounds more like, re-enacting the past, trying to get it to come out right this time. I became avoidant because i couldnt afford to get burned again! You are right, those initial bad tracks are laid down very deep and sticky. It is hard to find a therapist willing to work with us to lay down new tracks, because it is so easy to jump the tracks over to the bad set!

I had to rewrite my entire life story. That is, the incidents remained the same, but i had to stop making excuses for people. I had to accept that yes, people acted hatefully towards me. Also that i was less than pleasant, and look at other weird things about myself. Its like shaking a kaleidoscope - the same bits, but a different picture emerges. Which one is true? Which one is more true to you?

My bloody therapist basically says that to me every time she sees me. lol She thinks my core beliefs were planted by my family, they aren't authentically "me" at all, and I should scrap them and start over.

Nice idea, but fat chance.
lol

I've usually gone with the "nature through nurture" idea. It mixes both as they r booth important.