Schemes

I found this link that I think it could be interesting.

They are the possible "schemes" people who were abused or neglect can develop.

Theory | Schema Therapy Institute Midwest

thank you for this link, azul. i have developed several if not most of these schemes.

My counselor wants me to see a psychologist for schema therapy. It scares the crap out of me how much of myself I see in it!

Cool! Don't know what kind of therapy I'm gonna do. I'm very nervous. I don't have many options to choose. There are few therapists in my insure and at these moments, I can't afford a prívate one.
My psychiatrist is very proffessional and I know he will find the best solution.

It's very discouraging bc I can related to all the schemes as well.
But, I wasn't abused. Perhaps, a bit of emotional abuse by my dad. What I can recall is that I took very bad those moments. But, I always feel supported by people around.

There's so much information in that schema article.
It would be easy getting overwhelmed.
Your Pdoc will probably know what's best.
Hope you hear something soon.
We're waiting with You.

I have read the book "Reinventing Your Life" (an introductory guide to schema theory) and taken the tests in it. The schemas I apparently have make sense to me. I am beginning to see evidence of them at work in my daily life.

I do not recall growing up in an abusive environment. My early years as I remember them were good. I believe schemas and the avoid/submit/overcompensate responses to them can be generated at ANY age, from different chronic or situational stressors; it's just that the earlier life schemas are more powerful and obvious. I also believe that schemas can interact with one another in ways that are not immediately apparent.

I recently had schema therapy and it was very good for identifying my maladaptive schemas and modes but due to the rigid and inflexibie nature of avpd I was unable to make progress, unfortunately I feel that I just need to learn to accept them rather than change them,

I had schema therapy - best thing I ever did.

To be honest, I think cherryjogging is partly right, schemas aren't necessarily going to be overcome, you just get to know they're there. And then they stop ruling your life.

My big problem is unrelenting standards. I constantly feel like I'm failing even though I know I'm at least doing as well as my peers, I expect to do a lot better and I procrastinate a lot, I don't put my all in (avoiding unrelenting standards). I used to surrender to unrelenting standards and at that point I worked so hard and so constantly I had nervous breakdowns quite often (burn out). Although it wasn't something we talked about in therapy, I think my US schema is an overcompensation for the defectiveness schema and that's why it's so resilient. I'm not doing as well as I should be, thus I am worthless. But secretly I know that even if I did as well as I wanted to (which I also feel I have the capability to do), I would not feel better.

This is largely because of the defectiveness thing, but at this point it also brings up emotional deprivation - loneliness, essentially, the fact that even were I famous and respected I would still be alone. I don't tend to feel lonely on an every day basis, I'm quite unaware of it, but I feel spaced out and unmotivated - mildly depressed, I suppose you could say.

I also have a low-level abandonment schema, but it is only triggered if my emotional deprivation schema is sated (i.e. if someone shows some kind of unexpected caring towards me), and it's very rare to be triggered. For me, though, abandonment in the couple of times in my life it has been triggered is the most destructive and painful of them all. This might be why I don't enter into relationships, although my conscious reason for not entering intimate relationships is because no one interests me. I think I might be avoiding emotional deprivation, but possibly avoiding abandonment too. When I think of relationships I feel pain (abandonment, I assume), but I also believe that I would not gain anything from a relationship - I expect to be disappointed (emotional deprivation).

Basically, knowing all this about myself helps me to understand what's going on. So I can choose to say to myself - this isn't real, I've just learned to think/feel this way a long time ago. It's very freeing. It doesn't automatically stop the thoughts/feelings coming into my head, but it helps me to believe in them a little less and make different choices. It also you to be 'reborn' in a way, in that you realise things really don't have to be the way they are. You can choose to see things differently.

If anyone else is having schema therapy or has had it and still lives by it then I'd be really, really interested in keeping a thread on here to discuss how we're getting on.

At the moment I am focusing on motivating myself to do more than just sit here ruminating - get on with my work again without overdoing it, try to keep my life in order a bit more, live a little more, socialise a bit more, etc. Just try to increase my productivity and the amount that I live rather than just exist.

All the disconnection/rejection domain stuff I'm leaving until a later date. Cross that bridge when I come to it etc.

Hello, Insertname!
I'm going to go to a new therapist. I don't know what kind of therapy I am going to do. I still haven't met my doctor.
I was talking with a friend who made scheme therapy and she says that she got to have under control this kind of thoughts but they haven't disappear, they dicreased in intensity though.

I can see myself in you in relation to perfectionism traits. I improve it and give moré space to improvisation but nontheless I have a quite obssessive personality.

wow, that article hit home for me.

Beautiful quote!

Im having scheme therapy. All say its a powerful and helpful form of therapy but so far it doesnt change anything but awareness of my coping strategies. Painfully aware.

The first step for combating something or making it your ally is to know it. So, I think it is already a great achivement.

I'm doing schema therapy at the moment, although I haven't gotten my results from the latest questionaire yet, I have taken one before and scored high on emotional inhibition. I guess I'm not the only avoidant with that schema What I'm wondering is, the description I got from my therapist says that it comes from being taught you are not allowed to show your feelings, but that's not how it was with me. It was more the other way around, people (my parents) telling me it was okay to show my feelings, sometimes even pushing me to, but I always kept my feelings inside, ever since I was little. (Would that even still be a schema or just part of my personality? Or could it have been the pressure from my parents that eventually turned it into a schema?)

Break, I think most of the avoidants have problems with the same issue. So, it could be part of your personality disorder.

I hope someone can answer better to your question.

Well, just my personality, not the disorder.... I don't think I was born with a disorder.

People are not born with a personality disorder. They are maybe born with a certain temperament, the rest is a result of psycho/social influences. And I'm sure there are a lot of people out there with a personality disorder that not have been diagnosed.
Your question where your emotional inhibition comes from, I can't answer that. In my family we are very inhibited and we don't talk about emotions at all. While with the rest of the world I am open to both talk and show my emotions. I understand that you want to know where your schemas come from, so do I and I am still figuring out. More important however is that you recognize your schemas, you already do, and to develop more appropriate coping mechanisms and a good therapist should be able to help you with that.

Lol! Yeah, the caracter.
All my therapists told me the typical. You are born with a caracter and you are forming your personality according to your character and the way this is going to express itself in its interactions with the outside world.

What I know is that a child is not easily taught by words, but with acts.
So, there is also the other possibility. The parents can say a child a thousand of times that it's good to express emotions but at the same time they don't do it themselves or when the child expresses his/her emotions (s)he finds that they are censured or judged.

It's only a thought.

Yes very true Azul, example function. If a mother is emotionally distant by never hugging a baby when its crying but only say its ok to cry, I think the baby will develop quite a distorted personality.
Even in me as an adult, when I cry, my parents never hug me or take my hand, that confirms that they don't accept or care about this part of me. Plus when I told my mom once that I might suffer from depression, she told me that its impossible. She didnt even ask how I feel. I think that was one of the last times that I tried to talk about emotions to them.
But I dont wanna hijack this thread with my own ****

Hey, you can talk in this thread about whatever you please. Feel free.

I don't know how old you are but I'm 43 and when I was younger I also find some kind of reluctant from my parents about my situation. Mainly from my father. He wasn't brought up in a period when Psychology played a great role. Psychatrists were viewed only for people with sereve mental illness and depression was considered as a label for lazy people.

Thanks

Im almost same age. Yes psychiatrists were indeed viewed only for people that are really crazy lol... even I thought that... now I joined the club

Woww. depresion for lazy people... Sometimes I loath myself and question myself: am I just lazy? But if I cant even enjoy my hobbies and don't have the energy to cook or eat or wash myself, that's way more than laziness.

That is called depression. Depression always existed but people try to hide it. I'm like you, I have a reaction depression. You know, when something or someone hurts me I feel a noone. But, with each depression I feel stronger and now I don't wait for others help me to be better. I know what I do and I don't want to depend on noone but myself.

I have been living bad days those past days and there was a reason but I feel better because I overcame it. I understood that I have the right to feel low but I also understood that I had to go ahead. Doing the contrary your depression is asking for you, it's the key. Recalling the times you have been able to stand by yourself is also a key and recalling how you are when you are feeling well is another key. Does it hurt? Yes, it does. It's not funny going to work with a fake smile, it's not funny putting sunglasses to hide that you were crying but what else can we do? In life, there are two choices, the possitive or the negative and I hug the possitive. I choose the possitive over everything.

Forget about laziness. When people don't like themselves, it's a hell for them to show them up. When people have no goal in their lives, they lack of motivation to live.
I also wonder many times, what happened. " Am I a lazybones? bc I can't get up from this bed. I only want to curl myself in this blanket. I wished I was died and didn't get up.
Luckily, my last T taught me to appreciate me and being compassionate with me.