Severely Avoodant

Sometimes I feel like I must have the most severe case of AvPD in all the world.
That it would be impossible for me to find anyone who had it worse.
I know this is not the case, but I can't help feeling this way.
I feel like communicating with another Avoidant that had it equally as bad as me, would do me a lot of good. So I wouldnt feel so alone in this experience.
So how bad is it for me?
I can barely even communicate online. Just posting this little message gets me extremely anxious. And for an hour after posting I'll be asking myself what did I say wrong? What are people gonna think of me?
So I'm gonna end this right here and post it before I change my mind.

Well, I don't think anything less of you. I think you are brave to post about what is really going on. The problem with this forum is that we're all so avoidant that we rarely post, for the same reasons you mention. I would be willing to communicate.

That'd be awesome. Definitely something new for me.

This is the problem with communication when it comes to Avoidants. They can invest they're entire souls in a single comment. And if that person doesn't respond they feel so tragically hurt that they just give up.

And in fact I am not so "brave". I had the help of a thousand year old herbal tea from Thailand called Kratom in order to even be able to post here. But I will learn to be brave one day.

Tell me about the tea! I could always use some help

You didn't say anything wrong and I think you're very brave for posting. Welcome to PC. I really hope it helps you, being here.

I agree totally! It's so difficult to be honest with what we feel ~ much more so to let it out there for the world to judge. I'm wondering if it's really going to be any comfort to know others feel as out of place as I do, of if it just makes the disorder even more depressing...

hey, i think every single one of us here has the problem of overthinking their posts and possible reactions on it. like kecanoe said, that's why the forum is so quiet.

i've read up on kratom last week, a smartshop should have it. is it very effective ?

also welcome to the forum

hey lighthouse

i do this too, i used to do it a lot more in the past.. i still re-read everything i write so much that i DO make mistakes and only notice them later after everyone reads... (im just trying to ignore it.. trying not to be perfect and stuff..)
but my brain is a mess so that doesnt help...
but having the barrier of the internet between me and everyone else seems to help me communicate - the anonymity??
and if something does happen i can just disapear for a while.. everyday lately i have posted things that make me want to go back and delete all of my posts but ... im trying to learn to be comfortable

i think practicing online for all these years has helped a little in "real life" but i don't talk about anything related to me or anything about me to other people in life... sometimes i go off and talk about some theory i have or something i read about the other day to one of my family but i rarely talk much at all.. unless im drunk
even then i dont talk much but whatever

talk to us?
i dont know how bad my symptoms are because i haven't been able to get around all the other illness i have going on... everything is clashing... but i will talk to you for sure - and you dont have to worry about saying anything wrong because you can say anything to me and i wont be bothered by it - if you need to vent or anything - im sure most everyone here would say the same thing i promise..

I think most people on here are non judgemental because they know what a waste of time judging others is..
Many of those who judge have very poor boundaries and haven't a clue about the person they think they are judging.
I don't post much in this section but have been labelled with this, not that I respect or believe the psychologist (IRL) who did the labelling (and judging )

I have avoidant personality disorder, and barely know what to say on this forum. I basically just joined to try and stay connected.

Welcome jmncrr

Wow! This whole post sounds like something I could have written about myself! This is 100% me! Paralysis by overanalysis is how I describe my social life, or lack thereof.

Well, perhaps you can share that space with another poster child for the syndrome? If you'd like to compare notes on how to cope in a world filled with humans, we can do that. For me it's like an obstacle course, zigzagging in every which way not to see, hear or feel anyone in my space. I wear shades, earplugs and take every back street in order not to enounter people because it's just too painful and intense. Online, it's different because there's no direct energy and if there is anything to feel it can be readily diffused.

If I need to associate with people irl for whatever reason it's a huge issue - going from either complete meltdown in my inability to communicate or disassociate to the point where I'm not really there at all so nothing really matters about the situation, but they have to be very quick transactions. Anything over 2 minutes and the meltdown starts.