[JourneyUpward]

I'm having a hard time accepting a diagnosis of Bipolar NOS when I've felt the way I do all my life. For me, this is normal. The mixed state rapid cycling isn't normal but that didn't start until I started meds.

So how do I accept what I've always thought was normal is now mental illness? I want to blame the meds. I want to say the Pdoc is wrong.

I want to say my quirks are just poor character, lack of strength or discipline, bad judgement. What ever it is, it's a lack of something in my person.

I'm tired of the threats of being sent to the psych hospital if I should get very depressed again. Why can't I just sleep it off?

Sorry for the rant but I am just so tired of being observed and evaluated like a bug in a microscope.

I'm just so tired of everything--I want to dump all the meds and Pdoc evaluations and start over. I think I'd return to my normal state.

[sunflower55]

So, JU,
What made you go to the doc's to get an evaluation in the first place?
Or were you hospitalized for your depression that led to your diagnoses?

I'm asking you realistically access what brought you to where you are now. There's a reason for it, and you need to think that through honestly and openly with a trusted friend or a therapist; even on this thread if necessary. Though it's true that the doc may have made a mistake, there's a reason that you were evaluated in the first place too.

But, if you really do not feel comfortable with this diagnoses, if you feel it is in error, do feel free to talk honestly with your doctor. Remember, you and the doc are *partners* in your health. And remember, if you decide to go off your meds, (only with a doctors oversight), and you find you've made a mistake, be wise enough to admit it and go back. Because ultimately, you are responsible for your health.

I wish you the best of luck.

Peace!

[Dixie8]

Originally Posted by JourneyUpward

I'm having a hard time accepting a diagnosis of Bipolar NOS when I've felt the way I do all my life. For me, this is normal. The mixed state rapid cycling isn't normal but that didn't start until I started meds.

So how do I accept what I've always thought was normal is now mental illness? I want to blame the meds. I want to say the Pdoc is wrong.

I want to say my quirks are just poor character, lack of strength or discipline, bad judgement. What ever it is, it's a lack of something in my person.

I'm tired of the threats of being sent to the psych hospital if I should get very depressed again. Why can't I just sleep it off?

Sorry for the rant but I am just so tired of being observed and evaluated like a bug in a microscope.

I'm just so tired of everything--I want to dump all the meds and Pdoc evaluations and start over. I think I'd return to my normal state.

not sure I am doing this right, just joined but if you dont' trust your Pdoc, you have to change him/her. I totally understand your frustration! I was lucky & had a great MD who helped me find a different Pdoc. I self-diag. when I was 15 years old. Knew when I was 7 that I was different. It's like my gay friends knew they were gay when they were kids. I just didn't know the name for this until I was reading about Lord Byron & Van Gogh when I was 15. I told my father "this is me." Dad said he was like that & so was my grandmother (especially throwing temper fits). I saw 12 therapists (!!) between the age of 18 & 45. At 18, I was diag. as schitzophrenic but 3 months later, that Pdoc said "it was a spiritual crisis" what the heck? I went on to college & every Spring, had the speedy, can't sleep, can't stop doing 100 things at once. I was real high functioning until I was 43. Had my art in gallerys, poems published, working at a university, getting promotions (which I turned down finally due to exhaustion). ANYWAY, I got diag. but then the Pdoc was a jerk about meds. He insisted Lithium was the only thing for me, despite blood tests which showed it was hurting my liver. My MD helped me find someone else & that Pdoc, along with a MEDICATIONS SPECIALIST (an RN who knows all about Psych' meds) got me on such a good combo of meds, Depakote, Seroquel & b vitamins. Now I can usually sleep very well. Suicide is no longer a temptation & I used to think of that all the time.

[amaviena]

I once read that accepting BP is like the stages of grief. I think I've been doing it backwards though...It's been 2 years and I'm in denial. I got in a one-sided screaming match with my tdoc last time I saw her and we decided that I needed to take the MMPI II to assess my illness. A little bit of black and white proof is nice. We'll see.

[Amazonmom]

((((((((((((((((journeyupward))))))))))))))

How the H*** can I be BIPOLAR???????????? I still think that about myself.