[amaviena]

sometimes I think, wouldn't it be great if I didn't have this? I went to my tdoc today and told her I was having "vertigo" and once in a while dodging things that weren't there in a startled fashion. She became alarmed and told me I needed to call my pdoc asap and wouldn't discuss it more than saying it probably a symptom of bipolar, specifically visual hallucinations.
I find this "pill" of bipolar hard to swallow. I'm watching a documentary on bipolar right now and its really raw/insightful. consequently, it's also making me really depressed.
It's also not helpful that half of my support group I cant access right now.
Is it normal to think about dying even when you don't want to kill yourself?
I left a message wit my pdoc. We'll see.
Only one day of work left before holiday. I think I can, I think I can.
Thanks for listening.

[Amazonmom]

The bipolar pill is huge, has no coating, and tastes like CRAP!!!!!!

Hold on until you talk to your pdoc, ok?

[thinker22]

Hey, it's not all that uncommon. When i'm under a lot of stress/anxiety and/or depression, I too get easily startled and see things in my peripheral vision that appear to move. I even have accused my partner of sneaking up on me just because it was so scary for him to be right next to or behind me when I didn't hear him come into the room. I've found that the things out of the corner of my eyes were a reflection off my glasses and an actual inanimate object in the room. The glasses bent the light and made the object seem to move when I turned my head.

If you don't have glasses, it could still be a similar phenomenon with tricks of light or just plain old stress. I've gone without sleep before and my tired eyes weren't tracking together so the floor seemed to be breathing (and I'd never taken drugs, illegal or prescription, or drank alcohol at that point).

Your T is just taking the professional precautions just to make sure you're alright and it's understandable. If they really are hallucinations that are making your life unbearable, definitely there are medications to help.

Hope this helps. Feel better and take care.

[thinker22]

Oh, and about your thoughts of dying. Depending on your mood and state, I think everyone dwells on it from time to time without it being negative. It is something that we all have to come to grips with. If you find it becoming a morbid fascination and you either really want to die or you are terrified of it, this can be a sign of depression and needs to be talked over and treated. There's nothing wrong with you if you think a certain thought. The issue is only if it becomes an obsession and/or you act on it. Hope you feel better soon. Sorry if I'm redundant at this hour.