[jattitude]

I have been married to my husband (and his family) for 13 years now. I was diagnosed with BP1,mild OCD, and GAD about 2 1/2- 3 years ago. My husband has always stood by my side even when I wouldn't let him. He was the one who saw my severe spectum of mood swings and recommened I see someone (that was on a good day!lol) I have always been close with his parents and never wanted them to see me when I was "the bad Jen" only the good. I cut myself off from the world when I am not feeling well, including from them. They started associating that with me being a b***h. When I found out I had bipolar disorder and researched it and talked with my doctor, I started to fill them in as to what was really going on with me and immediately they started treating me like i was some sort of crazy person, for lack of better words. There had been alot of built up tension over the past few years and a dis agreement turned into a full blown war. None of us spoke for 6 months. My husband took my side. Well over the last 2 weeks me and his parents have been trying to clear up all the misunderstandings and there has been some progress. Our two kids have started spending time with them again and everything seems to be going ok, BUT, my husband still refuses to talk to them because of the way they treated me. They want to talk to him but he won't give them the time of day. All of this is my fault! I drove my husband away from his family and I feel like a monster. What do I do? Where do I start? I am trying to fix a broken relationship with me and his parents and trying to fix the relationship between him and his parents. I can't help withdrawing myself when I am not right, what happeneds next time? What if they truely don't get it? Then what? I have been tring to mend broken bridges with them and a former friend of mine. Life is too short and I am tying so hard but don't know what else to do or where else to turn. Sorry this is so long but it is only a small portion of what has been going on. Maybe I should write a book! Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks, Jen

[thinker22]

It sounds like you're doing the best you know how with explaining your condition and that you're truly not trying to be mean to them when you get depressed and go into withdraw-mode. They're seeing your kids again and I'm sure that means a lot to them. It's too bad that your husband is having a hard time reuniting. There may be other issues preventing that bridge from being rebuilt...I don't know, past cases where he was hurt by them or maybe just some pride in admitting some wrongdoing on his part as well...not saying that he did or didn't, just speculating. In-law situations are always complicated. I know my dad's mom and my mom have never got along and my dad has problems with his mom also.

Have you explained to your husband all of what you wrote down here? Have you told him that it is essential that the in-laws understand that your past and future behavior has nothing to do with them? That you'd really like to see things healed? (the tone of these questions is curiosity, so I hope you don't think I'm being mean, just trying to understand to be of some help). Does he know that you'd like his support on this issue and if he refuses to talk to them it just plays into their view that you're a *****?

Maybe some people will never understand bipolar disorder or think it's an excuse for acting bizarre. My view is, that's up to them. If they don't want to get it, they won't. It hurts sometimes, but if it comes to that, you need to release yourself of guilt since you're doing all you can to explain your condition and that you aren't trying to hurt anyone. So, forgive yourself. Do what you can to maintain stability and ask for help when you need it. I think you're doing pretty good on that front.

[jattitude]

Thank you Thinker. My husband knows exactly how I feel, I never hide that from him, I can't. I feel like I am nagging him everyday to call his parents, He is stubborn and very pig headed and I do think it is a principal thing who knows. I guess I can try to continue fixing the relationship between me and his parents and let the rest fall into place, I just can't help feeling it is all my fault and I am trying so hard to make things right. I wish I could snap my fingers and erase the last six months or atleast part of it.

[thinker22]

Yeah, you're definitely doing all you can. I understand about not wanting to feel like you're nagging him. I wish I could erase my bipolar, period. It's been a tough day emotionally. I wanted to scream at everyone and tell them what ****ing morons they were being. How many times do I have to explain something? None of them knows I have bipolar. They just think I'm kind of weird and have a hard time making eye contact or I went to some bs school for 3 years and got an associate's degree that means nothing. I graduate top of my class, the classes are very academically challenging, but because of a technicality I'm a sophomore instead of graduated. I have 182 credits, not 70. **** them! Sorry this wound up on your post, I'm just saying at times we're very unstable and don't want to hurt anyone, but I'm seriously fantasizing about everything going up in flames I'm so mad.

It's no one's fault our brains are sending us these messages. And we try to mend relationships, explain this disease, manage it with meds and therapy, and still it's freakin' insane at times. Sorry.

[jattitude]

I am glad to know i am not the only one having a ****** day! I hear ya! People just do not get it, explain things a hundred times and it just does not sink in, makes you just want to tell the world off...Hope you have a better day tomorrow, don't worry about venting on my thread,,,it's all good

[Nikki_busymind]

Hi there

I'm so glad that you've been able to heal things with your inlaws. The reality is, you've done your bit. Your kids have come around, you've initiated communication and its paid off. However, you can't force your husband to do the same. He's angry and he's hurt and its OK for him to feel that way. If you keep on pushing him, you'll run on the risk of stressing yourself out and pushing yourself into a low or high. He'll have no choice but to face them, afterall if you and your kids are seeing them, he won't be able to wriggle out of it all the time.

Let him work through his issues - give him time. Once he starts to digest that you've forgiven then, he'll come around. Just let him him know that you're there for him when/if he wants to talk about it. He stood by you and supported you, its your turn now to let him work through his issues

All the best
xx

[jattitude]

I guess you are right, it makes sence, thank you