God Called The Elevator for Me Today

That's how I knew I was knee deep in mania. Also, I may thrown out everything in my desk and I plan on spending the whole night cleaning my room.

How nice. Share some? I want to read like a 100 books before school starts again. I wouldn't mind insomnia if I could have the concentration and energy.

Insomnia plus energy plus mindless purging. My psych would say that I'm in danger LOL
I think I just told my boyfriend he wasn't good enough for me? That's not going to boil over well. Well, that's inaccurate. What I said is that I wasn't moving into the second worst neighborhood in town because I don't have a criminal record or poor credit. SO WHAT? I suck. I'd rather be baseline. I want a shirt that says that.

I want a white picket fence.

Wait, which part do you want on the shirt?

I want a shirt that say's I'd rather be manic on the front and leave me alone (or something not quite so tactful) on the back. Oh yeah, my career...making ironic t-shirts...like that's not been done before.

OMG look at the store on crazymeds.us !!!! they have all sorts of shirts.

I want it to say "I'd rather be baseline"

Mine would say "What's normal?"

Maybe a butterfly landing on a skull on the back.

Now I have to look at those shirts.

Crazy O's is my favorite cereal? Mom called me crazy again today. She doesn't seem to understand how pissed I am about it. I'M NOT CRAZY. Crazy is a naughty word.

That's mean. I know in some way's I'm chemically imbalanced (aka crazy) but calling a person crazy just to give a label that absolves another from doing anything to help you is cruel.

Looked at the pill spelled out words tees. I want one that says "Pills R good." You know like from Dumb and Dumber where they're feeding the guy his own poison at the hot chilis restaurant.

Should be working and I can't concentrate. If I had not exhausted ALL of my FMLA in my depressive period in February, March and April, maybe it wouldn't be a problem. I want to spend a week under my bed curled up in a ball.
If you go onto Youtube and search ECT you can find a bunch of really crazy people who have some outlandish thoughts about ECT.
But back to the work issue...just hope this breezes by fairly quickly so I don't offend anyone outright and lose my job. My self control is really peeling off.
I figure, I have about 5 years to pay off my car then I can go batshit crazy. Not before then, because it would deeply affect my lifestyle.
I'm embarrassed about living with my mother again. Probably because she isn't a good support system being crazy and refusing treatment then verbally and emotionally abusing me....
Oh well. We do what we have to to survive. I mean, at least I want to survive right now.

I've got to finish my bachelor's degree before I can have a breakdown. Not like I want one, but I'm keeping it together somehow, although I know I have years of undealt with emotions that if I let out all at once might leave me incapacitated for 6 months-a year. I can't deal with that right now. I've been in school too long to lose all my effort now. By my estimation, although I started at my 1st college in fall of 1998 and started at this my 4th college in fall of 2007, I should have my BS in 2012. I guess it's not so bad, with all the breaks I took for jobs and life experience and considering I have had these depressive and manic spells and have a visual disability similar to dyslexia.

No breakdowns, no breakdowns, STOP! (I probably hit a whammy).