watch myself?

i have a pretty big support network and though most of them are temporarily far away, one person who is staying with me apparently does not understand bipolar even after my attempt 2 weeks ago. Now that i recall, after i swallowed all those pills, there is no way he could not have heard me yaking them up. Maybe he did not know what was going on? I started having serious trouble breathing. I paniced and called 911. The next thing i know, my roommate is standing in the open bathroom watching me yak and and asking me if i called ems. What kind of friend leaves ems outside until he is sure i called them. He's been known to smoke a little weed but not around me...paranoid maybe? Finally lets them in. Then t says find someone to keep your meds safe from you. I hand them to him where they sat out where i could get them. Then i am feeling a little shakey and i ask him to watch me tonight...his response? "i'm not going to watch you...watch yourself". Do you see anything wrong with this picture or 2 sensitive? Love nf

Uh, yeah, he obviously doesn't see how serious your situation is. Do you have anyone else who can hang onto your pills for you? I mean, how often do you take them? If it's once a day and you know someone else nearby, that might be an option.

This guy doesn't get it. If he did, he'd have them hidden or locked up somewhere. And "watch yourself?" That's just cruel. You ask for help and he doesn't give a ****.

Don't feel bad for needing help. He's just insensitive. Some people are very solipsistic...as if nothing involving other people is their problem unless it involves them having to get up for another beer for themselves...then other people suddenly matter.

You might need to temporarily stay with another friend or family member to get the support you need in this critical time.

You're not alone. Here for you.

thanks for the support. Once he leaves for his soccer game in washington on tuesday...he's not on the lease, the locks are getting changed and he will no longer live here. He is more dangerous than safe. My meds are safer with my neighbor. I can't be around that. I will be going to see my family in vegas to set up my move and i know there are a lot of bad people there, but i stay away from the strip and seedy places and keep my guard up. I cannot wait to get rid of the user in my life. Tuesday can't come soon enough!

That's good that you're being proactive in this situation. It's often difficult when you're depressed or stressed out. Glad you'll get to see your family and have some time away. Change of pace usually brings me out of my moods. But yeah, you gotta take care of you and it sounds like you know yourself and your environment pretty well and can steer clear of the dangerous things.

And you can always write us if you need a break from your family. Haha...I've got a low tolerance for the craziness of mine sometimes. (If I'm the normal one, what does that say about them? )

I don't mean to offend you, but why didn't you go to the hospital? I had only thoughts of taking pills, and doing other things, and my t-doc and p-doc had me go to inpatient for a week. Maybe you would feel safer there until you move?

normally i could say the same about mine, but considering my recent attempt, they have been supportive. I was so surprised by their support. the attempt prompted this 1 week trip. The trip is to check out things like housing options, transportation, opportunities to volenteer oportunities to work with animals, pt job opportunities, lesbian groups etc... I am closest to my sister. We are 4 years apart but more like twins. My biggest fear is crack people approaching me...pdoc says to walk away from those or tell them i am hypersensitive to opiates and go into immediate respritory or cardiac arrest if i took them. Said that should get them to leave me alone because they are terrified of police and ems workers. I will be working with my t and my pdoc regarding this trip but i know i will have you all wherever i go. Won't be ready for the initial trip for another 2 - 3 weeks. Gotta kick roomie out this week while he's in washington...will talk to therapist about this to. Again, any suggestions helpful. Love, nf

oh, i went to the hospital all right, coded in the ambulance, 2 day stint in icu, the rest was getting my strength back, then tritating on new meds. My pdoc put me on suicide watch instead of transporting me to the va hospital in another city. Civilian hospitals would not accept va health benefits. Besides, i attracted the crappy roommate anyway because i was an easy mark. I have to start rebuilding my life sooner or later. I just trusted the wrong person. I have the solution, it is only 2 days away and i have my other friends and family who know what is going on and that i can reach within seconds. Love, nf

Wait, you coded? Does that mean you sort of died and had to be revived with cpr or paddles?

And if you had to stay in a regular hospital, does that mean that you have huge bills since the va health won't pay?

Is crack really all that prevalent still? I thought it was meth now. (I only know from certain family members' preferences).

Yeah, I was surprised by how supportive my family was when I told them I had bipolar disorder. We're all kinda wounded and I had to be the strong one growing up so I thought they'd be mad for showing my weakness/problems. But they said I was the same person they always knew and loved, I just have this condition that's treatable. So, they're not as bad as I make them out to be. We just have differences of opinion on religion, science, etc.

Wishing you the best as you make a new start.

yeah, coded...cpr then one app with the paddles. Woke up to the sound of the paddles charging again and someone saying something like "pulse, hold the jules". This attempt was very impulsive, 5 minutes between the time i found out my army buddies emt chopper went down and the time i started eating my meds by the handful...all fueled by anger. I didn't want to feel the grief of a 3rd buddy dying. But i want to thank you all for your support. Oh, the va did absorb the cost of ems and the hospital since their closest hospital was 100 miles away. Social worker told me va has contracts with civilian in cases like mine. Hope i have answered your questions. I will be on the board a lot as i heal and get that liar, user out of my house and make it my house. Love, nucking futz

Yikes. I'm glad you're still here.

But it is tragic what happened with your buddies. I can't even imagine if I found out one or more of my friends died like that. I had a brother who died suddenly in his 20s; I guess I'm still in shock about it. That was about the time I was questioning everything in this world, especially my parents' religion.

It reconfirmed my belief that we only have each other. And so I value people so very much. The world is never the same when we lose a friend or loved one. And about all we can do is the most good possible while we're still here.

Sorry I asked you so many questions. Brain was scrambled at times today. Glad you won't have to pay for the hospital stuff. Geez. I had to go there one day just for an eval. No medication was given, no equipment used (except a wand to make sure I had no metal objects). Just arrested and asked a bunch of questions, then released. Cost? Nearly $800. Stupid. My insurance paid a portion of that, I proved I was poor and the hospital didn't charge me the rest. Ironically, I got so paranoid and terrified after the arrest and taking me out of my own home, driving in the back of a cop car for the first time ever, etc., that I needed therapy just to calm down and function again. Had 8 sessions and the insurance refused to pay declaring it "pre-existing." Um, then why did you pay for the hospital visit? It's what caused the need for therapy. ***holes! Still pissed about that. I'll have the bill paid off in 2011. The provider was evil too and she wouldn't give me a sliding scale. ****. ***** is rich already too. Can't stand people who worship money. What did you go into your profession for anyway? Obviously not out of caring for other people. (This is one of the people I would like to take some harmless revenge on...just something to let them know they reap what they sow...but I'm sure it's punishment enough having to be her. Yuck.)

Another rant. There I go again.

I hope to see you a lot more on here.

We'll leave the light on even if we're not Motel 6 We have better toilet paper.

ironically, the emt for that chopper had been my best friend since 8th grade. We were deciding what to do after high school. We were always daring eachother to stuff...six months later we both had our right hands in the air swearing to protect america from her enemies both foriegn and domestic. We even went to basic together. She use to laugh because we joined the biggest and best legal killing organisation in the world and she signed as an emt, someone they trained to kill, then they trained her to save lives. Me, i decided to take care of all the soldiers and families paperwork...transfers, promotions, etc...i got out to go to school, and i did. She stayed in to save lives, and she did...

Sounds like an amazing person. The world was better for having her here, even if it was cut short. Sorry for your loss. Really, no one can replace her, but she does live on in everyone who knew her.

Like my bro. He wasn't perfect. He was kind of a wreck, but he had a major impact on a lot of people for good in his short life. Saved them from bad situations, overdoses, etc. I don't know what this means psychologically, but I had a dream within a year after he died. I was in the same house where I was sleeping at the time of the dream, it was day time, I was standing and looking over the railing in front of my room (it's a second story bedroom and there's a living room below the railing with the ceiling two stories high), sorry if this is confusing, but basically, there's my bro, dressed in an outfit he sometimes wore, turtleneck knit sweater (he liked his clothes posh) and he's floating on the other side of the railing above the living room. I say to him, "But you're dead. What are you doing here?" He's smiling, happier than ever and says, "You've misunderstood. I'm still alive. I'm living in Europe now." He mentally showed me where he was and it looked like Frankfurt Germany on the super zoom Google Earth like trip he took my brain on. This was before Google Earth, or at least before I knew of it. Anyways, it kind of comforted me, although I don't know what to make of it.

Still here.

I am happy that you are here, and I am sorry for your loss.