[TgrsPurr]

I would first like to make the distinction between being alone and being lonely. To be lonely implies wanting anothers company. Being lonely conotates wanting to be in a committed relationship. Being lonely is a feeling.

I, on the otherhand, am alone. I, alone, have built a fortress. I, alone, have dug the mote. I, alone, have an army of tools at my disposal to keep people out. I, alone, chose to live in the desert. I, alone, placed each brick in the wall of my fortress. I, alone, carry my burdens. I, alone, have my cross to bare. I, alone, have chosen isolation. I, alone, have created my very small world. I, live alone in my fortress. I, alone, guard that fortress. I, alone, use my tools to keep ppl out of my fortress. I, alone, am responsible for the world I've created. I, alone, am responsible for the life I've created. I, alone, tend to my islolated life and fortress. I, alone, barricade myself. I, alone, refuse to trust anyone to enter my fortress. I, alone, hide in my fortress. I, alone, defend my fortress. I, alone, make sure no one penetrates my fortress. I, alone, fight any enemy that comes against my fortress. I, alone, fight the wolf in sheeps clothing. I, alone, prepare for battle against any who threaten my fortress. I, alone, keep watch over my fortress.

The fortress is in my mind.

I am alone.

The fortress has become more than I can maintain and manage.

The walls of my fortress are crumbling.

I, alone, walk out of the fortress.

I, alone, enter the world beyond the fortress.

I am not alone.

TgrsPurr.

[CedarS]

Beautiful.

[BlissfulQueen]

That is also reminiscent of a very good song "I,Alone" by Live.

Kick arse.

Ry

[CedarS]

Another, is alone. She, alone, developed this cave deep in the side of a granite mountain. She, alone, chose to abide here, survive and even thrive here. She is responsible, wholly and completely. She keeps her cave tidy, alone. Cozy, alone. She is vigilant, she guards her cave well, alone.

The cave is in her mind, in her heart, all around and within.

She is alone.

The cave no longer fully suits her. The walls can hold no more paint. Dazed with the vibrant images of memories and dreams she has painted on her cave walls, she stumbles out into the wide open sky. Alone.

And she, I, find others who are alone and not alone. From fortresses they come, caves, holes in the ground, treehouses, nests and lairs. We are not alone.

We each bring a gift to this space of not-alone, of together.

Our precious selves.

[TgrsPurr]

Sarah, thank you for the beautiful addition to this thread, seems we can relate to one another.

This post started out as one thing and ended up taking on a life of its own. Not sure how that happened, except to say I surrendered my mind to the flow of what was wanting to pour out of me. I like the way it turned out. This is a very accurate description of me. I think it was inspired by my post under Question of the Week, something to the effect of "Are you able to trust". That question really hit home for me and stimulated my mind quite a bit. I also believe the thread on forgiveness was conducive to the thoughts that have sprung forth here in "I, Alone".

Blissful, I am familiar with the song "I, Alone", I have the CD. But when I wrote this, the song never even entered my mind. I guess because of what I said above, it started out with a completely different intention. Well, you know what they say about intentions, lol, they pave the road to Hell. LOL. So true.

Thank you for responding Ry. You're acknowledgement really means something to me.
TgrsPurr. xo

[sqrlb8]

That was sooo good.

There is a point at which isolation is both symptom and therapy. For me, coming here has provided the healthiest tension on that polarization yet.

Ironic, how a community can spring up around just a few people stepping beyond the fortress.

Funny how not really having anything to say so rarely prevents me from saying something. lol. Somethings I just hate to let go by without saying at least, "wow," or "thank you."

So...

Wow!

Thank you!

TgrsPurr, that you understand and write down every little detail of my life, means i'm no longer alone. pat

[TgrsPurr]

Thanks for the accolades and kudos everyone. I'm most grateful. when I put myself out there like that, revealing the inner most parts of my being, i like to get a response. I feel somewhat vulnerable even in my anonymity as TgrsPurr. xoxo

[complic8d]

Wow, you summed up me feelings exactly! I too am very alone and have put up walls to keep me there. I too am working on tearing the walls down. I am letting myself accept that others could be let past the walls, if I let them. I am starting to do that in PC. I don't feel quite so alone knowing that others feel so much like I do. Thanks.

[TgrsPurr]

Well said Compic8d! I'm right there with you. I think in large part, as I grow older I'm finding myself of the mind and heart that it is better to love and have lost than to never have loved at all. Love is the hammer that bashes down those walls, penetrates the fortress and invites me out into the world. The worst has already happened, I survived it and even thrived from it. Apparently, I've got nothing to lose.
TgrsPurr. xoxo

it's far better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved........

[nightdream]

Your post hit home here.

I too have a fortress. I have one day walked in the world beyond my fortress. And now I am turning back in my fortress. I alone.

Take good care. I hope you find what you seek.
nightdream

[nothemama8]

I think I need to rebuild my wall and pass out the key to ppl who don't mentally abuse my support.
Angie

[TgrsPurr]

Nightdream, first of all, thank you for responding to my post. I'm grateful.

Second, I hope that PC has become a place that you can emerge from your fortress and trust again, love again and be free again. While the fortress may feel comfortable, ultimatley it's a prison of the mind and heart. Set yourself free.

I don't know you well, but I'm sure you've got a lot to offer. My door is open, my heart is open, my mind is open. Let me know if there's anything at all I can do for you. TgrsPurr. xo

[TgrsPurr]

Good ananlogy Angie. Just because I've emerged from the fortress does't mean that I need to let everyone in to my inner self. A woman's heart runs deep and should be protected. I guess the key is figuriing out who is to be trusted and who is to be kept outside the fortress walls.

Thank you Honey. TgrsPurr. xo

[nothemama8]

You shall always have a key to my fortress
Ang

[vacantangel]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Your post hit home here.

I too have a fortress. I have one day walked in the world beyond my fortress. And now I am turning back in my fortress. I alone.

Take good care. I hope you find what you seek.
nightdream

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I find myself in the same position as nightdream. I came out from my fortress into the world, but I have since retreated back within and built higher and stronger walls. Right now, the world is not a safe place for me. In fact, I even changed my sig and location several days ago to reflect this change. I do this for self-preservation. It's a lonely life but it keeps me alive, although sometimes barely. I do let some people within, but very, very few. Only those I know I can always count on and they know they can always count on me. Too much hurt, hate and cruelty outside my fortress.

[TgrsPurr]

Ag, thank you for responding and I'm sorry that you feel you must build bigger and stronger walls. I'm coming to find out that only in stepping out from barriers, that I can stretch myself to grow, heal and transform myself into the woman I truly want to be, internally as well as externally. By stretching myself I'm referring to connecting to ppl when I normally wouldn't. Allowing ppl to know the inner me and in doing that to be coming from a space of self-assurance, that I'll be okay regardless of how I'm taken. The bottom line is loving myself and to be secure in that love. It's really a beautiful thing.
I can do this because the worst has already happened. I survived and I'm better for it...stronger, healthier, more compassionate toward others, forgiving and loving. I think these things show in my posts that I'm speaking truth and in that truth is some very good advice. I hope you, or someone is benefiting from it. TgrsPurr. xo

[vacantangel]

I retreat back to my fortress after being hurt badly and have reached my breaking point. Unfortunately, I found myself in that position. I feel attacked from every angle by several people. I don't feel safe. I retreat back to my fortress. I will remain inside until I feel strong enough to venture out again. Not sure how long that will be.