[musikcrazy]

After 8 months I felt a surge of courage ( maybe from being a bit manic and told my Mom that I have BPD. Well, as I suspected, she reacted in a way that has greatly dissapointed me. She says that I need a second opinion (I've had three) and that I don't need all the meds that I am on. She made me feel like I am a freak and at the same time she is mad that I waited so long to tell her. I feel very upset and confused. I am also feeling shame and I am embarrassed to call her again. Any words of advice? Thanks!

[Amazonmom]

WOW, you have way more courage than me. My folks have some horrible prejudices about mental illness, and I probably will never tell them or any other family member besides my hubby about my bipolar and PTSD. (Maybe my daughter if I am concerned for her mental health in the future).

I am sorry your mom reacted in such a way. I don't know how the relationship between you two has been in the past. No mom is going to be happy that their kid has bipolar. But the mom can decide that its NOT ABOUT HER...and just be there for their kid.

That means not whining about how you waited to tell her. That means not telling you you need a second opinion when you have already had three. And I really don't understand telling you that you don't need your meds. I think the pdoc gets to tell you what you do or do not need in the way of meds.

I would calmly tell my mom that I have already have had enough opinions. That I will be taking the drugs that have been prescribed to help me. Tell your mom that you need support, not judgement. Of course this is coming from someone who is never telling her parents in the first place!

If it helps at all, I don't think you are a freak. This is only one part of you, not all of you.

Originally Posted by musikcrazy

After 8 months I felt a surge of courage ( maybe from being a bit manic and told my Mom that I have BPD. Well, as I suspected, she reacted in a way that has greatly dissapointed me. She says that I need a second opinion (I've had three) and that I don't need all the meds that I am on. She made me feel like I am a freak and at the same time she is mad that I waited so long to tell her. I feel very upset and confused. I am also feeling shame and I am embarrassed to call her again. Any words of advice? Thanks!

[gravyyy]

My mom is going through the same thing right now. I have lived on my own for years since I've graduated from college but I just decided to tell her about having Bipolar Disorder like a year ago. I thought she was okay with it but lately, over the past month or so, she's been all on me about me needing to move home and see doctors there and that I need to stop taking these meds because they are all harming me and that all of my problems in life revolve around me having a bad thyroid even though my thyroid levels are fine. I think just like we have to go through a coping phase when we are given a diagnosis, our family members have to go through the process when they find out about it. Maybe you could share information with her about bipolar disorder. She probably is working under false assumptions about mental illness and she's just being flooded by images of the illness that may not be accurate. Have her look on the NAMI website. They have lots of videos and websites and links that I found to be helpful for my mom. Good luck with working this out. You just keep focusing on wht you need to do for you. Your mom is an adult and she's accountable for her actions. I think with time she will come around and be more supportive. Bravo for having the courage to reach out to her!

[musikcrazy]

Thank you for all the encouragement! It at least feels good to know that I'm not hiding this big secret from my Mom. Yesterday she seemed a little more accepting, although she still thinks I do not need to be on meds. I know I have to do what's right for me. Now I am questioning everything about the BPD. I am having thoughts of maybe I don't really have the disorder, etc. I am going to discuss all of that with my therapist today. Thanks again for your help!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My mom always hints that the meds are causing my problems. I just stick to my guns and try to ignore her ignorance.

[schizoidwoman]

By all means, don't stop the meds just because mom says so. Mom doesn't always know best, even if she thinks so. If I didn't have the meds I take today, I wouldn't be married anymore, I wouldn't have a job, I would be bankrupt and probably in jail. It's the little pills in the morning and the little pills at night that make me act in a socially acceptable manner. It's hard to step outside your own head and see reality - when you have a condition, you see everything through its filter. After three second opinions, I would highly doubt that they could all be wrong. Take care of yourself, and if that means disregarding mom's advice, then so be it. She'll get over you listening to the doctors, and she'll eventually either accept that you've got a mental illness, or she will go into denial so deep that she won't talk about it, but either way, you will get the care you need from your pdoc. Good for you telling her - it takes a lot of courage.

[madisgram]

BRAVO, musikcrazy!!! i had read your previous posts and i am so glad you took the courage and told your mom. the part i don't get is why wouldn't a parent be happy their kid got help??!!!??? this fear of mental disorders always baffles me. i'm glad she is being a little more receptive after this initial post. it's not about her, it's about YOU!! you did a brave thing by getting the help you need. i know you struggled with this. i care and believe you did the best thing you could do. even if your mom doesn't understand much about bpd, give her some info to read about it. also how the meds work. information is powerful and maybe she won't be so whatever once she understands for real what is bpd and ways to have a fulfilling life on meds if need be.

[Slothrop]

Originally Posted by musikcrazy

After 8 months I felt a surge of courage ( maybe from being a bit manic and told my Mom that I have BPD. Well, as I suspected, she reacted in a way that has greatly dissapointed me. She says that I need a second opinion (I've had three) and that I don't need all the meds that I am on. She made me feel like I am a freak and at the same time she is mad that I waited so long to tell her. I feel very upset and confused. I am also feeling shame and I am embarrassed to call her again. Any words of advice? Thanks!

Good for you--it takes courage, and sometimes it is better when the cat is out of the bag.

Personally I have not told my parents. I think they would freak out over it. They worry enough about me already. (Some repercussions of bipolar are evident in my life even though they do not know the cause.) And I am not ready to deal with prejudice and/or denial.

My dad already believes that I would feel better in general if I just adopted correct diet & exercise and a positive attitude. Well, of course I would feel better! It is being able to do those very things that bipolar interferes with. I spend enough time struggling with that vicious circle and trying to do those things. I am not ready for their "advice" on the matter at this time.

Good luck and stick to your guns on the treatment...

[amaviena]

My momhas since given up the "you're crazy" routine and sits in onmy appts to learn more now. She also usually fills in the blanks when I'm lying. Oops. I'm bad.

[sfu454]

Originally Posted by musikcrazy

Thank you for all the encouragement! It at least feels good to know that I'm not hiding this big secret from my Mom. Yesterday she seemed a little more accepting, although she still thinks I do not need to be on meds. I know I have to do what's right for me. Now I am questioning everything about the BPD. I am having thoughts of maybe I don't really have the disorder, etc. I am going to discuss all of that with my therapist today. Thanks again for your help!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe tell your Mom that without the meds you could possibly commit suicide. Ask her how she would feel then. Stand up to her and tell her that she is being a selfish know it all *****! Well, not in those words of course! But not so nice that she won't get the point. But who the hell cares. Maybe she needs to go to therapy too, you got this disease from somewhere! Let her know that.People can be such asses, even your own damn family! Hang in there, not all opinions are worth thinking about! Hell, even mine.

[thinker22]

I thought I'd never tell my parents, but I did only a few weeks after my dx! At first my mom was super supportive, but then she claimed (as she had before with my long term depression) that it must be related to lead or mercury poisoning like her. But I never had mercury fillings. And I didn't eat paint chips. Anyways, I've done the whole health bit. (She also thinks supplements can cure most everything), but I still have these inexplicable mood swings. She also wondered about hypothyroidism, but I've had 2 blood tests in 2 years and they show that and every other important factor as being in the range of normal. Full metabolic panel. I also have mood disorders running on both sides of the family.

There's no way this is anything but my brain chemistry, but she's holding out hope that I don't have the stigma of a mental illness and claims that my meds are causing bad symptoms and will hurt my internal organs, etc.

So she's sending me mixed messages too. And she wants to be closer to me for various reasons. It's not like I have a super advanced case, but I don't want to get to that point. The longer you let it go, the worse it gets.

Anywho, I feel for you musik. Also, gravyyy, maybe that doc letter is the best thing for you. It sounds like you'll have no peace from your mother if you move to close to her home. Take care of yourself. I don't mean to change your mind or do anything but think my thoughts and write them down. Disregard if the reasons to go are more compelling than the reasons to stay away and just visit.

Hugs to all going through it with their parents.