[Amazonmom]

I am so tempted to take some Zoloft that I have in my medicine cabinet. I want to feel happy again. I'm sad all the time.

I want to be social, to smile, to feel like the world is okay and I am not some outcast freak.

I have resisted before because I don't want to go manic. I remember being scared out of my mind when I was heading that way before. It's getting to the point where I don't care if I go manic. Manic would be great!

Oh mania, come and save me from my sadness....

[VickiesPath]

Amazonmom,

NO! No Zoloft!!!! You know what will happen after that.

You know that the higher you go, the harder you will plummet.

Please don't do it.

Call your pdoc.

Take a brisk walk.

Pray.

OK, sweetheart?

[gravyyy]

DONT DO IT AMAZON! Vickie is right... just ride the urge through. It seems like a good thing now but just stop for a second and think about how you'll feel a few days from now. It's not worth it. And I know from my own experience that when your in the depths of depression you think feeling manic would be great but it's really not. Being hypomanic myself right now, it's not pleasant. I'm agitated and want to rip my skin off it's so uncomfortable. So neither pole is good. Talk to you doc or NP and aim for the middle. Avoid the extremes. Hang in there. SO sorry you're not feeling well right now.

[thinker22]

I'm feeling uncomfortable in my skin too and can't sleep. Mania ain't all it's cracked up to be.

I keep meds I shouldn't ever use again either. Not sure why.

But don't do it if you know from experience what happens when you take it. Tell your p-doc how your meds aren't working, you're depressed and are tempted to take an old anti if he/she doesn't change something!

[Amazonmom]

Dear Self,

Do you remember how icky it was to be manic? Yes? Then DON'T TAKE THE ZOLOFT DUMMY!!!!!

T/Purse and I had a big breakthrough in therapy yesterday which makes me think that I would like to give therapy a shot at my current depression.

I just discovered last week that the hospital screwed up and never treated my baby for jaundice when they should have. If I was in my right mind I would have figured that out for myself and called the NICU head doctor. But I was horribly depressed, haunted by constant gory intrusive thoughts, and thought I could trust other medical professionals. GAH! I don't wanna turn this into a book so I will stop now.

I should take my med and go to bed!

[thinker22]

So your therapist is a Purse. hehe. Or are we talking a T & a p-nurse?

Therapy helps, yes, but not when you're on either pole...hehe...pole dancing.

Okay, silly mood aside, I like going to therapy even if I'm not yet stable, but I'll enjoy going even more when I finally can set some goals and not just joke the whole time or be sullen the whole time.

I say go for it. It can't hurt. Well, digging up old **** from the past can, but it's only temporary and the pain diminishes with time.

Wow, that sucks about the hospital and not treating your baby. Is it still reversible...the jaundice I mean?

TC 'mzon mom

[Amazonmom]

Heheh, my therapist/pnurse ...but I prefer to call her a Purse LOL

I think I am only mildly depressed really, because I am functional. It's not the depression where all I can do is cry and be all agitated.

The jaundice resolved on it's own after about a week. I doubt there was any real damage done. But jaundiced babies don't eat well. She became so dehydrated that she was peeing crystals. You treat jaundice before it gets to the level where it can hurt the kidneys and brain... I was so dead tired after days of no sleep at all that the normal pattern of breastfeeding pretty much toasted my mood. Apparently the philosophy of the breastfeeding center at my work is that all breastfed babies will be jaundiced so they don't bother to test. GRRRRRRRRRRR.