i think

I think my mind is trying to go back up to a mania. But the med the meds they hurt my head trying to keep me level. I'm irritable and sad at the same time. I'm getting fed up so easily. I want to do self destructive things and tell ppl all the things I want to say but hold back out of kindness. My filter is going away I think. Oh I'd much rather be manic. Everyone at work is looking at me funny for feeling blue. I need the perky talkative me so they don't think I'm crazy. Oh goodness I want the energy I need it. This weighed down feeling isn't working for me.

Wow like alll of a sudden my mind seems clear again really like the flip of a switch I have energy I have wild thoughts. I may actually get stuff done. I may just be fine today. I feel better even though 5 min ago was the end of the world. Hahhahahaha I don't know what to expect now. Oh. Breath deep breaths that actually fill my lungs. It may be a strange night.

Ok maybe not that burst of energy is fading. I'm not sure what's happening I'm rapid cycling it seems. I just need to breath. And try to remain calm. Sorry I'm going off I feel like my mind is doing something weird

i think you mentioned in another post you had started new meds. I know when i started lamictal until i hit 200mg a day i felt not much unlike you at this point. it does take time and even then i'm finding you need to fine tune. it wouldn't hurt to call your pdoc and just keep them informed of your status, they might make some changes that help.