How to talk about Bipolar

How do I talk about being bipolar with out sounding like I am trying to gain attention for the disorder? I feel like I need to talk about it because not to many of my friends and family really know what it is. I myself am new at it and I have been doing tons of research. I want to let my people know what I have learned. But, I sometimes feel like when I bring it up; I feel like I am getting vibes that no one really cares, or wants to hear it. Maybe I am putting to much focus on it. But, I honestly do not think I am; that is just the feeling I get when I talk about it.

Any suggestions??

Perhaps this isn't the answer you'd like to hear but I've had a *diagnosed* mental illness for 24 years and a *correctly diagnosed* mental illness* for 5 years. What all that means is I was first diagnosed in 1985 and then diagnosed again in 2004 with something entirely different and the second diagnosis was bipolar illness, which was correct. And during the entire time, no one really cared to talk about it. Most people simply are not comfortable talking about such things. It is still taboo. Period. Only your closest friends will indulge you. Or your closest relatives. My mother listened but she really didn't understand it all so I drew her pictures. My sister listened after I was truthful with her and told her that I .....well, I told her the details. Also, I told my brothers they needed to talk to their children about this because it runs in our family. But not too many other people that I have ever met really are interested. Seriously. Mental illness is still too ........ too distasteful for the average person who does not know anything about mental illnesses to talk about. At least that's been my experience.

I try to talk to my husband; and he keeps saying he don't think that is what it is. My mom says the same thing. I talk to my mother n law (we are pretty close) and she acts like "oh, you think you have problems". I feel trapped. If no one wants to learn about it, how do I make them understand what I am going through. I know the diagnosis is correct because it makes PERFECT since. Luckily enough I am not a severe case and I am able to treat it with herbs and relaxation (doctor okayed). But, I want to have the family prepared for the unexpected. I have already be hospitalized once and who is to say it won't happen again?

I try not to focus on it, but sometimes I feel like just being human is impossible now. Because every time I get upset I get the "here she goes again" routine. I am aloud to have emotions that does not deal with the disorder...right? If everyone would just stop and listen, they would no if I cry...my feeling are hurt, if I get mad....something made me mad. I am human; so I thought.

Does any of it make since?

I really do feel for you and do understand how lonely and isolated you must feel. Yes, if you get sick again and have to go to the hospital it is going to be very difficult. Do you have a friend you can confide in or a minister? It would be a good idea to find at least one person who you could explain it to who could be your friend in case you need one in an emergency.

I wonder if your doctor could suggest someone for you to rely on as an adocate. Maybe someone from the county. Why don't you ask your doctor the next time you get a chance.

I do see a counselor. But, I do want someone I am close to to be more understanding. And isolated is very much how I feel. I don't have a very good support system. I mean don't get me wrong...my husband is still here after all that happened to get me sent to the hospital to start with. I get so frustrated because I use to live in the city and I had friends coming from every direction. I never felt lonely or isolated...always had something to do, some where to walk. Now I am in the country (for 10 years now) and all my friends that I did have think I live to far out and I very rarely see anyone anymore, my one sister I am close to lives a good 2 hours away, which is not to bad..straight shot from my house, but I do not see her much. I have not been working due to my hospitalization I lost my job. I am feeling overwhelmed by loneliness. My husband gets so aggravated with me because I get bored and nothing to do with my time. I sit right here at this computer ALL day considering my kids are in school. That is something else. Ever since I have been home from the hospital...my concentration has been terrible. I can not go back to school myself right now because of the focus problem I have been having. I am depressed; but it is getting better slowly. But, I feel like I need some one. I need some human interaction. I am really sick of every time me and my best friend of 22 years get a chance to talk she talks about her weekend plans and does not bother to ask me out for lunch. When she does make plans with me..I never hear from her again. It takes about 2 weeks for her to call me after I have been stood up. I have tried writing my husband a letter to tell him how I am feeling. But he never responds to it.

As far as an advocate goes, I will look into it. I do need someone there to catch me if I begin to fall. Really someone to recognize that I am slipping and not thinking I am fine until it is to late. When I was placed in the hospital I had gotten to the end of my rope before anyone did anything. My husband just thought I did not love him anymore. Though my "plans" were to leave him and get my own place, work, and do what ever it took to say I can make it on my own. Which is stupid because I was only making 8 dollars an hour. And not only that...I had no idea what was making me want to do all of that. I met a man I had a one night stand with (which he is crazy..like stalking crazy) and that got out of hand. What I feel like is I got so out of control everyone is so mad at me because of it that no one wants to hear about "my" problems. But what they don't realize is if they want to be a part of my life..my problem is theirs to (to an extent). So why ignore me?

Okay, I know I have sit here and blabbed A LOT!
Thanks for the advice.

((((rhonswat))))) My mom has the habit of doing the "There she goes again" thing. It's a cheap shot and a way of devaluing your feelings AND your illness. I understand that you want your parents t ounderstand, ad your husband too, but sometimes siting and talking to them isn't enough. Sometimes the scope of the illness ids too overwhelming. They don't understand, they are probably frightennd. In such ccircumstances it is far easier to simply grab for a stereotype or blame it on "wanting attention" and acting on those assumptions instead.

In the case of your folks, you might be able to let it rest until they bring it up. My mom is on a need-to-know status regarding my bipolar. Usually, she doen't need to know. That way I avoid her nonsense. My husband, he had to take some time until he realized, this was real, the medicines did help, and yes, his support was very helpful in my maintaining my mental health. It might be that your husband needs to take sometime living with the idea until he can admit to it. Good luck. This is one of the hardest things to manage, getting out of the closet without triping on the door and bashing your face No seriously, I really hope that they start getting used to the idea and that you start getting some decent treatment from them regarding this. It sounds very hurtful and you don't deserve that.

I very much feel the same way. When I went back to work last week, I wanted to tell everyone about my experience and what I had learned, but everyone seemed to be ignoring me. People don't enjoy talking about mental illness because a.) there's someone in their family who suffers from it and they are embarrassed, b.) there are no tests for it, so how could you have an illness at all (can't you just control your thoughts yourself?), or c.) it scares them, because they don't understand it.

I just started treatment. The problem is I have trouble sharing my feelings with my girlfriend. We've been together three years and she's a big part of my life. But when I'm depressed its hard to tell her how I feel because I worry I will make her feel bad. I'm having trouble figuring out how much is too much.

Also, I have the same problem with my doctor. I'm not sure what to say, how much to say, what's important, what's not...

Any advice?

Dear rhon, Vickie from Phoenix, as usual, puts it well, above. I see your need to have your family and friends prepared and able to understand what is actually happening when "there she goes again," happens. Can you sign a release and ask your counselor to call one or more of them in for a family session. Or the person who gave you the Diagnosis? You are fortunate that you can treat your condition with supplements and relaxation, but I know that that makes it even harder for family to understand that you have a medical condition. I would try and make your diagnostician and/or your counselor your advocate with your family. I have some idea as to how you feel. I am actually on disability and multiple medications for depression/anxiety, but my Dad, who knows all of this, persists with, "you can cure depression if you just get out among people." If I wasn't too anxious to "get out among people," I probably wouldn't have depression. When you start chattering nonstop to auditory hallucinations, yelling and swatting at visual hallucinations occasionally, the family catches on pretty fast that something is amiss and we need to get some help off in here. When you have a mood disorder - not so much. Use your couselor/pdoc for family session. "Normal" people are just blissfully ignorant, and they work to stay that way. - billieJ

( I sure wish I could type better. My thoughts get ahead of my fingers and I can't type well and my proofreading sux. ) OK. Here's one more comment. Although, as Billie mentioned, getting out among people won't cure your depression, most professionals recommend it as important in helping the symptoms of depression. Isolation promotes depression or, at the least, seems to make it worse. This forum helps somewhat.

However, if you could perhaps seek out some people socially that might help you. I know you said that your best friend now lives two hours away. I went through that, too. My best friend lived two hours away for several years. I'm not good at socializing and I never was one to go out specifically looking for ways to meet people. But, having said that, if there was a way for you to get out of the house and meet people, other than work, that would possibly provide a way to lessen your depression and you might meet someone that you "clicked" with and who you could become friends with and eventually share information about your illness. This is a lot of suppositions, I know, but it's simply a thought. At least it would get you out of the house.

Darlene, usually I just balabber and let the doc sort out what he or she thnks is important. I just say what I need to just then. Not so strategic, maybe, but it works for me.
((((((rhon))))) I do agree that you need to have someone, a friend or sympathetic family member who can give you the heads up. You don't want to get so bad that you crash and burn before you get help. when I crashed after my first son was born, the only person who took me seriously only spoke Finnish. NOT A GOOD SCENE! Maybe if you presented it in those terms (ei. understand so you can help me help myself), your folks might listen better. It gives them a way to be "useful" Just a thought and I really hope you can find someone to listen to you irl

OMG, I started to write to you and the phone rang, I am glad that I found you. Below is the comment.

I myself have struggled with these issues of trying to talk to my family and friends. Sometimes I feel so alone, especially when I am on a low.

What I have noticed throughout my 33 years of highs and low, you feel great, euphoric and there is nothing wrong, one becomes creative and haves ideas and creativity. The longer you have a high the longer you will have a low and think there is no one who cares.

I know that people can’t understand how you feel, especially if they’re NOT dealing with a mental illness and the worst thing is, that if you talk someone who does not understand the illness it could make you feel worse.