[dogtanian]

i keep crying at nothing. well something but nothing important. songs, tv shows etc. thing is i don't know whether it's stress (exams soon), depression (have missed a night or two f lithum and amitrptyline), alochol (am tipsy now but wasn't when i cried at thins 5 times earlier today) r what. ifeel so old. i'm 28 but i always said i'd die by 25, i genuinely though tthat so 28 is like ancient. my faovuirte band were on tv tonight and god they looked os old. i've been thinjkiging about them loads this week (singer hanged himself 25 yrs ago this week, aged 23) and they were on tv and just looked like mutton dressed as lamb - does that mean that's what i am? i still go to clubs and get tipsy but am i old and past it? i feel it. i have exams soon and a presentation tomorrow on something i really don't get so that doesn't help - i was just really upset to see this band who i've loved for about 20 years and theyt looked old and that's really sad - theyt'[re my heroes they'[re meant to be fun and young and cool. not sad and old and out of tune. and now i'm crying for the 10th time today again about bloody nothing. it's pathetic. i'm not even depressed - at least i odn't feel it. the only real sad thing is that my bro is leaving in the morning for a 2.5 year bike (cycle not motorbke) ride round the americas and i thinki'll miss him more than i thought but that's no excuse fro crying at eastienders and my favourite band look ing old it's really annoing. hmm think it's bed time i have to fgive thies stuoid presentaion. hope i get some sleep - wine m,ay help if not i have some valium somewhere i can stake. i hope eaxm,s don't make me likst hies too,

[sqrlb8]

Aw dog, it's like that sometimes. Crying and laughing are both peculiar in that they can replace each other in almost every instance. Often one leads to the other.

All the things you speculate on are probably contributing. Alcohol is great for taking stress down a notch, but it's crap for stopping crying, and worse for sleep than almost anything. Don't you usually wake up after about four hours when you go to sleep by using alcohol? I do. It's wierd.

The meds matter. It's like you gotta be on 'em or be off 'em. Skipping scrambles the senses. That's the prime suspect to me.

If it keeps up when you're meds are stable, then maybe you want to see about crying it out. Let it go. So what. Nothing like a good cry. (and I'm a guy!) lol.

The only other thing I have to offer is that so much of this doesn't make sense. I mean, there are triggers and their resulting swings, but then there are just so many emotional anomalies with this too, it just isn't worth exhausting yourself on the why's that just aren't always there.

I'm surprised to find this thread sitting here empty; every bipolar in the world has probably felt this. lol.

Sure glad to see you sticking around.

sqrl.

[dogtanian]

hello - thanks for the reply

i do feel a little better now - i think on friday night i was over tired (no sleep for about 3 nights) and over stressed (exams soon) not to mention drunk. i didn't mean to get drunk! it sort of just happened - seeing the band looking awful wasn't what really what made me cry so much as the final straw. i'd only missed one night of meds actually so it could've been worse. i'm feeling a bit better now, but still not sleeping too well and really tiiiired. tiredness is probably the worst thing ever for me. as a kid i never slept and was hyperactive all the time, but now if i don't sleep i'm screwed, mentally.

i used to use alcohol as a sleep aid but not any more - it only ever made me pass out anyway! i just had it on friday as fun, but that went wrong!!!!!

[NLITEN]

I so feel you on this. Can't even count the times lately that I am fine, happy, high, and in a matter of seconds crying. I have never been a big crier so I can see what you mean (especially when it isn't necessarily accompanied with depression). And I know how distracting it can be. I have a huge presentation to do too and for the life of me cannot focus on getting done what I need to do, b/c I'm too distracted by my unruly emotions. Wish I had advice to give, but all i have right now is understanding and empathy...
-Valerie

[TgrsPurr]

Hey Dog, nice to meet ya!

I think you hit the nail on the head when you spoke of sleep and the role it plays with our bp illness, even normal everyday emotions. Lack of sleep exagerates everything, making the bad feel horrible and the good, too good to be true.

Everyone is different, but finding a sleep routine is essential. I know, I know, I'm one to talk when I have 3 sleepless nights in a row and hallucinating. The key, however, is consistancy in your sleep schedule regardless of whether you "feel like it" or not. Go to bed at the same time every night. The bed is only for sex and sleeping...not eating and watching tv or someplace to do your homework. Make your bed everyday so when you go to bed the sheets and pillows and comforter and everything are nice and fresh to crawl under. When you can't sleep and you've given it your best shot, get up and find something to do...read, come here and post, play music...just as long as it's nothing "stimulating", maintain relaxation outlets.

Believe me, I know this is easier said than done...especially when manic, but once you get the hang of it, fall into a routine, it does get easier.

Hope this helps. TgrsPurr, xo.

[dogtanian]

aww thaqnks tiger but the thing is i'vre had sleep diffiuclt yg for years (can ya tell i'm durkn again>? only time i get any bloomin seep_) - i haver my routine,i h aver the bed as sanctury, i have all that stuff and i can sit and read and read and relax til i fele like dying but as soon as the litght goes out - BAM i'm awake agian. serouisly i fee like i'm gonna pass out throught sleepiness but onece the light goes out and my head is on the pillow i'm wide awak.e i'ma very nocturnal person - my exam revision only goes in in the night - never in the ady and if i try to sleep in the day i'm fine. it's very odd. ,y psych says for the momen i shoul dsleep in the day and wake at inght

[dogtanian]

ah i dopn'\t know wh i bother. drunk agian, si again for 2nd time in 3 days fist time before that in 3 months, sod it all i don't kn ow what i contineue for. i love my course but si tajt enoughj?

[dogtanian]

why di botheR? i'm fed up again. it's partly cos of exams i'\, sure but god, wghy can t i just forget the lkot ? iu wish i didn't have to ever daea l with peoplf they %#@&#! me off.

[TheCheshireCat]

I couldn' t agree more with the big orange kitty about sleep. Even after nine years of struggling with bp, I still have yet to find a sleep routine or med that really gets the job done. As sqrl said, during my "whiskey and meds" phase, I could pummel myself insensate for about four hours, but then I'd wake up. But on those all-too-rare occasions when I have been able to sleep until the sun is up, I find my view of my situation much less dire. At the very least, addressing the situation might give you a sense of focus. And if you do figure something out that works, oi, let me know! Being nocturnal was all very well at university, but now with a day job, it's bloody murderous. The dawns don't just come up like thunder; they come up like thermonuclear blasts. Ta. Cheshire Cat

[dogtanian]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I couldn' t agree more with the big orange kitty about sleep. Even after nine years of struggling with bp, I still have yet to find a sleep routine or med that really gets the job done. As sqrl said, during my "whiskey and meds" phase, I could pummel myself insensate for about four hours, but then I'd wake up.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

i know that feeling well - vodka and pills for me :S not wise. and neither seem to work anymore anyway!

i just sopke to my pdoc, he wants me to increase the quetiapine again - thing is it does make me sleep but it makes me feel so ... well, drunk, and with exams i can't afford to have an erratic sleep pattern (although it would be better than no sleep pattern!) - it's a question of increasing at night, i think, but not in the day, as i really do need to try to work in the day. i've been reading something about the holocaust in bed this morning, trying to make myself doze, but well i'm awake now i think if i try to stay up and about today i may be more tired tonight (after 5 nights in a row of 1 hour sleep i should hope so!!) and i'll bump up the quetiapine too. fingers crossed.

and i won't get drunk

[Mahali]

bump