[dogtanian]

i have been listing to the bc tribue to my hero all day, which was to climax in a recording of one of their best, most famous shows. so that was the time my media player decided to die on me which means i canty even %#@&#! listenn to it let alone tape it so i've snaeshd a wine glass over my room and i'm soooo angty i want t o kill someone. they can all die horrible deaths

[dogtanian]

hmm never mi9d it odens't matter . only brok glass irrelavent

[dogtanian]

surrounded by glass bits, pissed off want to kill someone. %#@&#! the whole %#@&#! world

[dogtanian]

it was anice day then it got ruined by microsotf, i hat them. now i'm listening to ian singing and i want to die. he had the right idea.

[dogtanian]

always in tune
it may happen soon
then maybe you'll care

bye bye

[dogtanian]

ah %#@&#! it may be the sleeping pills will make me feel better - it doesn't matter. "someone take these dreams away" RIP IAN

[dogtanian]

i don't even have a %#@&#! reaosn. other bipolars and depressives etc know why they are that way, i don't there's bugter all reason and i's pathetic. i shou;d n't even be here. what the hell right do i have to feel this bad over NOTHING. it's pathetic. why the hell did htye bother to operate? if they'd let it be i'd have died it would've made things easier for everyone. WHY do doctors think they have a RIGHT to interfere????? WHY???????????????????????????????????

[Shaymus]

I can relate to the not knowing why im messed up dog. Its a very frustrating thing when you cant point to anything for a reason. I also can relate to the extreme rage when irritating things happen. I dont really have any advice other than the rage will calm eventually. Hope you hang in there.

[dogtanian]

i know why i'm messed up andi know it's their fault, bastards,. who the hell gave docs the right to mess with life and death? if they can make me alive, i can make me dead.

...and i still find it so hard, to say what i need to say, but i'm quite sure that you'll tell me, just how i should feel today.....

[dogtanian]

i'm sorry for this ramble last night - i got drunk - again. i think i need to do something about that. i have this problem that i can't open a bottle of wine and not finish it... i'm fine when other people are around to drink some with me etc, i'm fine on nights out - but nights in alone drinking are a bad thing. i get over tearful, over emotional, prone to rage etc, last night i smashed a wine glass (a full one) over my desk over something really really stupid and small. i was abusing people all over, shouting and swearing.

i'm guessing it's down to stress that i'm having at the moment, but it has to stop. at least until exams are finished i'm not going to drink alone, AT ALL.

i have to get this back under control - it's been a long time since i've drunk like this.

also, if i offended anyone either here or in chat, i'm sorry, i was a bit out of it and i doubt i meant much of what i said (not that i can remember much)

[goofygirl]

I'm sorry you are having such a tough time. (((Dog)))

[dogtanian]

thanks. it's a bit of an up and down time - i have lots of great things happening but one or two all consuming not so great things that just .... argh! sometimes, y'know?

i'll get there - just need to stay sober.

[(JD)]

Sorry you are struggling... please try try if you can remember to put a trigger icon on your threads so any member that might be upset by your posting of killing someone, won't read it.

[dogtanian]

eek sorry, i will next time

[(JD)]

tks... are you feeling better tonight? I hope so.

[dogtanian]

yes thanks, i'm feeling loads better. the doc increased my seroquel which i think is making a difference, and i've relaxed more and cut down on alcohol - which is good thanks x

i'm glad that you're feeling better. take care, pat