[FeelingHopeful]

I need help so bad, How do you sit back and not do anything when someone who matters so much to you is hurting themself???I dont mean pyshically by cutting, more internally by not doing something?? Im very worried about my friend, I dont think hes ok and not doing anything is killing me!! Someone help please.

[1963.Susan]

i'm sorry you're scared & worried........... being the friend of a bipolar person is not easy - many times you have to just stand there & watch helplessly while they self-destruct. i imagine that's how my friends feel sometimes with me.
(((((((((((((((((feelingsad)))))))))))))))))))))))

[lonegael]

Feeling sad, you aren't just sitting back, you have been trying and asking for help and being a friend, and that is NOT sitting back. There is only so much you can do for someone who has this illness, and for both of your sakes, learning the difference between what you can do and what you have to leave up to him is important. If you don't, dear, concerned and loyal feeling sad, you risk making yourself sick trying, and then he won't have you either.
So in a way, dear, it's the wrong question, because sitting back isn't relevant. How do we keep Feeling sad from burning out then her friend needs her. That is perhaps the better questions. HUUUGGGS to a wonderful gentle and caring friend. take care of yourself, too, OK?

[FeelingHopeful]

Thank you Susan, Means alot your answer.Gving you a online hug. I get so emotional because seeing someone i love suffering is so hard. Im not sure he is getting help so thats why i worry. Like you said only so much i can do .he has to do himself. lonegal hugs. How do i stay strong? Im scared of him staying away for good. I would be heartbroken for life if he pushed me away forever. Tears keep falling today.

[perpetuallysad]

Has your friend tried to talk to you about anything yet? Does he know you know he's bipolar? Maybe if he knows you are a loving and non-judgmental friend (which I know you are) he will be able to share with you, or at least be able to turn to you when he's doing badly. The thing though is that when I'm personally in a bad phase, as much as other people reach out, I still feel completely isolated and alone. Its this thing in my brain that just doesn't let me connect to anyone. Usually it is agonizing. The best thing is when my husband just hugs me and lets me freak out. I know its not much, but him just listening (even though he really doesn't understand) is way better than suffering alone. Continue being the kind friend that you are and make sure he knows you are waiting for him when he needs you.

[FeelingHopeful]

Hey Perpetually Sad, he hasnt tried yet, I think hes embarrased maybe cause he knows me so long, and thinks i will look at him and treat him differently, But i wouldnt , not ever! I wish so much that i could get through to him, sort of break that wall down. Im not 100 percent sure since he never told me hes bipolar but i really believe he is and you know what, its ok!!!!! It doesnt matter at alll to me, Hes still the same person inside and i know if all my friends here at pc knew him, you would LOVE HIM!! Hes got such a beautiful heart, even when he would say im crazy, you dont want me, i could see what was underneath and it made me love him more. That makes sense about the isolation thing, i cant imagine what he goes through because I dont suffer from it , The connecting thing , not being able to, Is him. In the past when he would go through stuff, he would disappear and isolate himself. I always felt bad and kinda thought maybe something was going on besides depression, but hes private about stuff so I didnt want to push, maybe if i had?? I feel like maybe i let him down?? I know he cant talk about stuff though, too hard and i know his history with me makes it hard, I dont want him to suffer silently which im afraid he is, I def plan on being there for him for the long haul, i started studying, reading books, gathering info, checking out afffordable therapists (if he decides he wants to go)so that if he can tell me someday, hes said he really wishes he could, I wont push him though, Im hopeful one day he will tell me, I mean i know he has a gf but cant a old friend help too? Im being respectful to his relationship, just want him to know he can count on me too.
I mean his new crowd looks like they have alot of fun and here i am trying to make him read books, join this site and get help. No wonder why he chose them, thing is I think its beyond his control,?? I just feel so so sad.What do I do??

[perpetuallysad]

I don't know him, or his whole story at all, but from things you say it sounds like he's going through an up phase. Some bipolars get very, very social when they are manic. Hence, he's spending time with "fun" people (I use that term lightly because reading books is really fun to me). He, sadly, will crash sooner or later and its really amazing how much you have gathered so you can help him. That's really awesome. I know that the one piece of advice I would give is just don't be too pushy but don't just turn your back on him. Its a very delicate balancing act, I know, but if you can pull it off, you will be a tremendous help to him. Everyone with bipolar should be so lucky as him to have someone like you caring about them.

[FeelingHopeful]

Thank You Perpetually Sad , This is very hard, but everyones support on here is so appreciated and loved. I agree its a balancing act, Sometimes Im scared I may mess up, Say or do the wrong thing? Your beautiful words made me feel a bit better.

[lou99pop]

Glad you here to keep in contact with people no matter what you say or do wrong thing because we understand how you feel at the moment and don't be afraid to say things wrong cos I often said things wrong oh well

[lonegael]

Let your actions and words be motivated by your love for him, feeling sad, and even if they aren't exactly right they will at lest be forgivable, if not right on the money. We can't control how others interpret what we say after we have already taken care to be clear. Huggs, hon. Don't give up hope, but remember half of the game is in his court.