[Peacemonger]

I Have Bipolar Disorder 1 and I read a lot of science fiction. I just read "Dune" by Frank Herbert and was left with a weird feeling. (if you haven't read it and you like sci fi, you should, but it deals with a lot religion and stuff.) Anyways, I wished I could be the protagonist who basically becomes a Messiah. This isn't the first time I've experienced this feeling. I read some of Phillip K ****'s stuff and went into a full on delusion of grandeur. That wasn't fun then and this time feels different. More practical, really. Like, I could write a novel that would be like Dune or other epic books. I used to write a lot but with all these darn drugs in my head, it's difficult.
Anyways, thats my story. Do any of you get delusions frequently? They seem to happen to me a lot and I have to stop and look at what I'm doing in order to see the delusion for what it is. How do you deal with them?

[BNLsMOM]

For me, inspiration often becomes delusion. I just write and write until it burns itself out.

[rcsweep]

i've had some good ones, i wish i could follow through with them.( the books not closed yet) the last one was i was going to go to hawaii and surf the bansai pipe line and live on the beach. all it takes sometime is a sugestion or picture or what ever and then it's all you can think about, working every angle to make it happen. untill reality sets in.

[Navygrrl]

The first time that happened to me, I'm not sure how old I was - maybe 12, maybe younger. I had been reading A Swiftly Tilting Planet by Madeleine L'Engle and I was sure that the rune therein was meant just for me, and that I could change time and effect the weather. It was something more than mere imagination or pretend because I vividly remember standing outside in the yard, staring into the sun, and chanting. I actually still kind of think that, although not with the fervent conviction of a child anymore.

Reading the Kushiel series by Jacqueline Carey are the books that have recently triggered feelings that God has some important destiny for me. I told my T that and she sort of just looked at me as if I were crazy, but that may be my own twisted view I have of therapy right now.

For me, I don't think I really have any way of dealing with it. Eventually it changes for me once I find something new to distract me. I've tried to write as well, but once I started taking meds, the more difficult it became for me to find the right words.

I read the Dune series before, and I remember really liking it, but I have no memory of what it's about anymore. I guess my brain got full, LOL.

[Navygrrl]

As a side note, and completely unrelated, the name "Peacemonger" reminds me of a really awesome cornbread recipe I have in one of my cookbooks, as it's called "Peacemonger's Really Good Cornbread" recipe.

[Peacemonger]

Originally Posted by rcsweep

untill reality sets in.

Yeah, that darn reality crap is always getting in the way. I wish someone would do something about it. Think of all the worlds we could live on if reality took a back seat to imagination and fantasy. Maybe theres some alternate reality where all of our speculative fiction and fantasy fiction is real.

[Peacemonger]

Originally Posted by Navygrrl

Reading the Kushiel series by Jacqueline Carey are the books that have recently triggered feelings that God has some important destiny for me..

Yeah thats what happened to me after reading some of PKD's work. Started thinking I was the new Messiah or someone that was supposed to announce to the world that He was coming.
I got passed all that when I went rather agnostic.
I've often thought that maybe, just maybe all the religions are right and there is a God or what have you and all the "crazy" people saying the "end is near" are prophets but we get seen as mentally disabled and we lose our prophetic visions because of the meds.
Yeah, Crazy thoughts. I try not to go down that line of thought.

[BNLsMOM]

You're singing the tune I was singing a few weeks ago. I shared it with my T and with many people. I got a variety or responses ranging from, "Well, maybe you're right." to "You're flat out hallucinating."

The thoughts burnt out and I crashed in a big way, but I have my writings that I can go back to whenever I want. Right now, I can't bring myself to look at them.

My take on it is that is would be awfully lonely if we were the only live planet with only one reality. So who knows? I am not going to close my mind to it. Maybe we, the "mentally ill" are actually somewhat in tune to other realities and are afforded glimpses now and then. Maybe the depression comes because we aren't fully evolved yet and so the age-old human ego gets in the way of what could be.

Gosh, don't get me started. If you want, you can search my other threads on here and somehwere a few weeks back will be what I thought was going to be my manifesto on the meaning of life and the world. Maybe someday...

[northern]

I was very interested in the other, being that one might or could see, hear, feel something etc. Is that crazy? personally I don't think so......

All can not be explained or proven in anyway, yet we are suppose to believe what is written in the Bible, the Koran etc..........

I when to a church ( although not the norm, as it dealt with the spirtualitisim side of things) and meet 2 nurses who dealt with the so call insane) their insight was amazing. These ladies after many years had come to the conclusion that the so call misfits, actually had an insight to what was going on in the world around us etc.

Where they too insane?

[Peacemonger]

Originally Posted by northern

I was very interested in the other, being that one might or could see, hear, feel something etc. Is that crazy? personally I don't think so......

All can not be explained or proven in anyway, yet we are suppose to believe what is written in the Bible, the Koran etc..........

I when to a church ( although not the norm, as it dealt with the spirtualitisim side of things) and meet 2 nurses who dealt with the so call insane) their insight was amazing. These ladies after many years had come to the conclusion that the so call misfits, actually had an insight to what was going on in the world around us etc.

Where they too insane?

The nurses? No, not insane, but enlightened. I've been told by others that I see the world for what it is just like the "insane" people that the nurses took care of. I think that when some one sees the world for what it is, you tend to go off the deep end. It's dealing with reality that is really hard for me and, I'm sure, for others as well.

[leah0306]

Yes, I too read a couple hours a day, and really love stephen king books. just finished "under the dome", and it left me shaking..thinking...I often deal with seperating reality from imagination struggling to remind myself that ''no, they dont know me " ..its not written JUST FOR ME!! I know it sounds off...

[jamesmb]

Pre-medication, books used to do this sort of thing to me all the time. Not so much so now. But here's the thing: handled and channeled rightly, I think what you are describing can actually be a good thing. Get a hold of Caroline Myss "Sacred Contracts". If the Messiah archetype holds that powerful a draw for you, it might hold important lessons.

I think our mania pulls us into a sense of self-importance, and this leaves us open for a shadow bond with the archetypes. I have a powerful bond with the Knight, for example. Renaissance fair? I'm there. New movie about King Arthur or the crusades? Where does the line start? Community theater doing "Man of La Mancha?" I'm volunteering as an usher so I can see it every night.

Point being: my mania led me into a very destructive relationship in which I thought I was going to "save" someone. Ignore the verbal abuse. She just needs her loyal knight to stand by her, and love her unconditionally.

6 years, 2 kids, 2 mental health hospitalizations, and a divorce later....I think you get the picture. "Aldonza" is still "Aldonza" and she ain't magically turning into "Dulcinea".

So much for the shadow bond. Do we just take to our beds like Don Quixote? Or is there something that goes beyond the shadow bond? Something that nudges me out of bed, even when the depression and agoraphobia are at their worst? Something that takes one look at the huge pile of rehab paperwork - then another at the church calendar - then repeats Henry V's pep talk to his troops at Agincourt? And coaches as I forge through it all?

Something that whispers "Mercy and Courtesy" (Knightly virtues) when I want to scream and rant at some inconsiderate driver? Or suppose a "chatty Cathy" comes around, offering sympathy - and obviously hoping I'll cough up some gossip about my ex. That voice whispers "Until the divorce is final - she's still your 'Lady' - and she will always be the mother of your children."

Oh, I'm rambling. But I hope that gives you something to think about.

[Peacemonger]

Originally Posted by jamesmb

Pre-medication, books used to do this sort of thing to me all the time. Not so much so now. But here's the thing: handled and channeled rightly, I think what you are describing can actually be a good thing. Get a hold of Caroline Myss "Sacred Contracts". If the Messiah archetype holds that powerful a draw for you, it might hold important lessons.

I think our mania pulls us into a sense of self-importance, and this leaves us open for a shadow bond with the archetypes. I have a powerful bond with the Knight, for example. Renaissance fair? I'm there. New movie about King Arthur or the crusades? Where does the line start? Community theater doing "Man of La Mancha?" I'm volunteering as an usher so I can see it every night.

Point being: my mania led me into a very destructive relationship in which I thought I was going to "save" someone. Ignore the verbal abuse. She just needs her loyal knight to stand by her, and love her unconditionally.

6 years, 2 kids, 2 mental health hospitalizations, and a divorce later....I think you get the picture. "Aldonza" is still "Aldonza" and she ain't magically turning into "Dulcinea".

So much for the shadow bond. Do we just take to our beds like Don Quixote? Or is there something that goes beyond the shadow bond? Something that nudges me out of bed, even when the depression and agoraphobia are at their worst? Something that takes one look at the huge pile of rehab paperwork - then another at the church calendar - then repeats Henry V's pep talk to his troops at Agincourt? And coaches as I forge through it all?

Something that whispers "Mercy and Courtesy" (Knightly virtues) when I want to scream and rant at some inconsiderate driver? Or suppose a "chatty Cathy" comes around, offering sympathy - and obviously hoping I'll cough up some gossip about my ex. That voice whispers "Until the divorce is final - she's still your 'Lady' - and she will always be the mother of your children."

Oh, I'm rambling. But I hope that gives you something to think about.

Never thought or heard about sticking to archetypes. But yeah, that's what I used to do (and maybe a little now).

And you know what's weird? I was just looking up Don Quixote the other day. I might read it some day soon.

Also, weird coincidences happen a lot when my disorder regresses. It only reinforces the thought that I'm the messenger of change or apocalypse or something.

[jamesmb]

I really have to congratulate you. It sounds like you have a great handle on how your brain works! Keep doing what you're doing.

Speaking for myself, when manic, I tend to go for the macrocosmic, when I should think micro. "Aha! I have the knight archetype!!! I need to find some great cause to hitch myself up to!!"

Whereas, what I really need to do is take that energy, use it to push past resistance, and take some steps to advocate for myself and for my kids.

I don't know if you do this or not. But I would like to point out that, by simply being here, honestly sharing your story, you ARE a messenger of change.

An apocalypse is a revealing. You are giving us all the privilege of being present of the revealing of your true self.

And I can see how very relevant the "Dune" story could be, although it will mean different things to each of us. There's a whole branch of psychotherapy known as "Bibliotherapy" that deals with that sort of thing.
.
Maybe think about WHY the story is so meaningful to you. It may not be obvious. Sometimes I've found it helpful to consult a dream dictionary, and treat the book or movie I'm fascinated with as a waking dream. For example, I have been "coincidentally" encountering Zombie invasion stories lately. In (some people's) dream dictionary terms, "Zombie invasion" can mean that you're feeling completely overwhelmed.

To help with this, I took a cue from one of the characters in the movie "Zombieland", and wrote up my own set of rules for surviving both the manic and depressed phases. Kind of like the action plan they make you write before they let you out of the hospital. Only funnier. (Psych Techs tend to frown on black humor in action plans.)

If that makes any sense.

[Peacemonger]

Originally Posted by jamesmb

I really have to congratulate you. It sounds like you have a great handle on how your brain works! Keep doing what you're doing.

Really? Cool. thanks.

I don't know if you do this or not. But I would like to point out that, by simply being here, honestly sharing your story, you ARE a messenger of change.

An apocalypse is a revealing. You are giving us all the privilege of being present of the revealing of your true self.

And I can see how very relevant the "Dune" story could be, although it will mean different things to each of us. There's a whole branch of psychotherapy known as "Bibliotherapy" that deals with that sort of thing.
.
...

To help with this, I took a cue from one of the characters in the movie "Zombieland", and wrote up my own set of rules for surviving both the manic and depressed phases. Kind of like the action plan they make you write before they let you out of the hospital. Only funnier. (Psych Techs tend to frown on black humor in action plans.)

If that makes any sense.

An action plan kinda makes sense. It's a way I can look at how feel and be prepared for the crashes.
My therapist today suggested finding some sort of program he heard of on PC that tracks your moods and gives you some insight to what your phases are like. I'll have to look for it.

[ilazria]

I had never really thought about it before, but there was a time when I used to dream about "being someone." I read a lot. I haven't necessarily believed I could be just like the hero's of the stories, but it would leave me with that kind of powerful or important feeling. I used to think that one day I would be famous, and have done something good that I would be remembered for forever. Who knows, that may still happen. Currently, I doubt it, but I may change my mind tomorrow.

[Navygrrl]

I've had dreams of the apocalypse, but usually it's everyone who has turned against me.

Speaking of Stephen King - The Stand really got to me, and I would spend hours wondering which side I would be on, because of course I would be immune to the super virus.

[Peacemonger]

I have dreams now and then about flying. I mean without a jetpack or airplane or anti-gravity boots or what have you. Just me with my arms outstretched while I just glide from one part of the room to another. I used to think that it meant I was going to be an astronaut, which I really wanted to be, but that dream has crashed. They don't let too many people with disabilities go up in rockets. Maybe one day when I'm an old man, when spaceflight will be as easy as driving a car, maybe then I'll get to go to outer space.

[perpetuallysad]

I have delusions constantly. Almost always caused by books, or could be an article, a news story or like someone else said even a picture. One of my great and horrible delusions is that I am somehow responsible for the fate of the entire world. This bears down on me so hard sometimes that I feel like I will stop breathing.

Most of the time my delusions are about being able to know just exactly what to do to change/fix some huge, widespread ail that's afflicting people or the world in general.

So ya, I get the delusions brought on by books. A lot of times it turns into a sort of obsessions where I will end up buying every book by a particular author or every book about a certain subject. I am certain I can figure out the problems of whatever and only I can fix them. (I feel really weird admitting to you all.)

[Peacemonger]

Originally Posted by perpetuallysad

I have delusions constantly. Almost always caused by books, or could be an article, a news story or like someone else said even a picture. One of my great and horrible delusions is that I am somehow responsible for the fate of the entire world. This bears down on me so hard sometimes that I feel like I will stop breathing.

Most of the time my delusions are about being able to know just exactly what to do to change/fix some huge, widespread ail that's afflicting people or the world in general.

So ya, I get the delusions brought on by books. A lot of times it turns into a sort of obsessions where I will end up buying every book by a particular author or every book about a certain subject. I am certain I can figure out the problems of whatever and only I can fix them. (I feel really weird admitting to you all.)

That's totally what happens to me! At least with regard to "fixing" the problem. And I never really realized it but these delusions are real (as in an actually occurring psychological phenomenon) and now I'm coming to understanding some of my illness. Basically, it seems, I'm more screwed up than I thought.
You know what else is a trigger for me? Smells. Really potent smells like rotting corn or orange scented cleaning supplies.

[lonegael]

You guys know that people who work alot with creativity in their jobs or lives tend to scor ehigher on the schizophrenia scales of sveral tests? A Psych friend of mine says that it's because they have a way of harnesing their thinking processes and sort of "bending them". Meaning, they have a gift for purposefully changing their perspective on reality to further the creativity, leading to unconventional answers on the tests. Hey, if it weren't for all the anxiety and the nastyness I do to loved ones, I'd buy the enlightened line any day! Hugs

[Peacemonger]

I totally understand what you mean, Lonegael. I have a friend that was schizophrenic when she was younger and she's also an artist. I've been helping her move some of her stuff recently and she had part of a big palm frond sitting her her storage place and I wondered why she had it. She said it looked like an elephant's face and trunk. She held it up and I could see what she was talking about. I used to be a little artistic as well, and sometimes I see objects in a different way that could be used as an artistic medium.