[Moreta]

Seriously....I've been working on making weekly goals for the new year and this week my goal was to get to work on time every day. Last week I got there late by 15-30 mins. I actually did it! I was very proud to have achieved a goal that is actually achievable. Unlike making goals that are not achievable. I was really excited, until I had this conversation:

Me: I achieved my weekly goal this week
Mom: Oh yeah, what was that?
Me: To get to work on time every day this week
Mom: Hahahahahahaha
Me: What? It's a valid goal.

I swear she never thinks about what she says. She has never said that she was proud of anything I do or ever done. I would really just like not to talk to her anymore, remove her from my life. I HATE being the only child. At least when my dad was alive, I had some kind of buffer, but I have nothing now, except myself.

We've even had "family sessions" where I have told her what her negative reaction to everything does to me. It's why I had to go to the hospital. The worst part is that SHE STILL DOESN'T GET IT! AAHHHH!!!!

But as my therapist says she's not going to change, so I need to not internalize her dissatisfaction with life. Also, to not give her a chance to take power over me. I used to tell my mom eveything, now I can't tell her anything.

[perpetuallysad]

Well, even if your mom wants to be flippant about it, I think you did a good thing. My pdoc would be thrilled over that sort of success. Setting "small" doable goals for yourself is the way to a better life.

And you can always talk to me, if you need someone to listen.

[gravyyy]

Ugh Queen... My mom is similar with everything. She doesn't get it so she says things that come across as uncaring and insensitive when it's not meant at all to be that way she says. I just don't tell her anything anymore either which is sad, but I have to protect myself right now and if that's what I have to do than that's what I'm going to do. Hang in there with this... she may not ever change but it's not because she doesn't love you or anything like that... it's because she probably doesn't "get it" and my opinion on that is that I'm glad my family doesn't het it because that would mean they have suffered with what I am going through and I don't wish that on anyone. Take good care of yourself and hopefully things with your mom will come around. Glad you have at least a T to share things with.

By the way.... SUPER BRAVO for completing you goal this week.. That's a big deal and you should feel proud. It gives me hope that I can acheive my goals. Thanks for sharing!!!

[Moreta]

Thanks to you all. In response to cutting her off, I have deleted my Facebook account, so she can't keep "tabs" on me, and post her negative comments on my wall. I feel better now. My husband deleted his too. It's slightly funny.

I am so glad I finally I finally found a good therapist. Before I had always went to women therapist, and they want to talk about your "feelings" and being "spiritual." Now I have a guy, and he is awesome. He makes me think out what I just said logically, and not how I really felt about it. I think that helps me more than talking about feelings, because I'm always either depressed, slightly not so depressed, anxious, hypomanic, manic, and then depressed again. It's been getting better though because I'm trying to be more mindful, and to look at things logically. Sometimes when I think about things logically, it just makes me so angry. Like the fact that my mother did some serious emotional damage to me all of my life. I just get so enraged, because how could I not know this before? But then I remind myself that life is a continuing process. That I am not going to support my mother's need for control. I am my own person.