[BNLsMOM]

I just got a message from a friend who I usually see in our core group when one of our kids has a birthday party or when there is a holiday, etc. She wants to get together tonight. I am basically having a panic attack.

I have never gotten together with anyone from the group one on one. I did help thid friend and her husband find a house when I was working and did their transaction for them, but for some reason I can't bring myself to go to that very house with my kids to get together tonight.

I don't know what to tell her. She knows about my illness and has had her share of issues as well. She is very non threatening and very nice and I could see myself getting close to her, but I just can't bring myself to get over to her house.

I don't want to blow her off, but I don't want to tell her that I just want to stay home tonight.

What do I do?

So this week has been a couple of steps forward and a step back. Slow slow movement.

[perpetuallysad]

BNLsMOM, I'm sorry I just saw this thread, I suppose its too late to give you advice. You sound exactly like me. I want to do these things, but the anxiety and panic take over and I begin to dread doing whatever it is so badly that I cannot go through with it. The only positive is she knows you're bipolar and seems to be accepting of that. Would you feel more comfortable if she came to your house instead? Maybe you could try that if you can handle it. Personally, I am not able to visit people and I have tremendous difficulty letting people into my house. Ug. This is why I have no friends.
I'm sorry I wasn't here for you sooner!

[lonegael]

Ps has a good suggestion. Huggs, and I am really pulling for you. Social anxiety STINKS!

[Ascension]

I can relate to this. Since I was a kid I can remember sitting outside at bible school and watching all the other kids play and wanting to be close and involved but I would just sit away from everyone and do my own thing. I even remember a teacher trying to get me involved and I screamed and pulled away in tears... I am not quite so bad anymore but it's still hard for me to leave my house and I only have one real friend in real life. I am okay with it, but I feel like I offend other people when they want to get together.

[BNLsMOM]

My son ended up having trouble with homework yesterday and although I knew he would get through it, I texted this friend and told her that he was having a homework meltdown and that we would have to stay in so that he could get his work done.

Now I am paranoid and feeling like she might read this...

By the way, having people at my house is even worse... Strangely, I can have people over sometimes, but only if my husband is home too. The only one I can have over one on one is my best friend who I have known since Junior High school and we even lived together when I separated from my husband.

We are serving cake for my son's birthday this Sunday and I am freaking out a lot about having the people over. I usually just put up walls and let my husband do all the socializing. I just sit quietly and seem occupied with the kids and prepping the food.