help?

i'm not giving him that much space anymore. when i give him space it's like he thinks he's right - that i will just get over him in a week. he always gets really, really mad at me before he calms down... so i just try to let him know each day that i love him, or i'll ask him if i can call him, and if he doesn't say no, i call. he doesn't answer, but i leave him voicemail telling him sweet dreams.

i can see him getting help one day..but only if someone he cares about convinces him it would be a good idea...and i'm the only person he would talk to every day before all this happened so i don't really think he has enough support right now to get to that place. his family talks to me a lot though, especially the ones he never visits, and telling them about things seems to have made them want to talk to him more and make sure he's doing okay so it's definitely progress. otherwise the person he is closest to just said he has bad genes and is hopeless

How long are you willing to wait for him to decide to seek help?

as long as it takes.

I don't want to sound harsh, here, veggy, but is seems to me you have already made your decision.

I wish you luck and hope it works out for you. Just be sure you are getting help for yourself so that you can be safe.

well, whether or not i wanted to be with him again if he lets me was never really in question.

thank you. i am getting help for my anxiety and insomnia.

This sounds so familiar to me. Read this link or another if you will. You may be thinking people are so critical of him because they don't see the good side of him like you do. I've been that way exactly. I tried to help my partner change. I made him a photo book to motivate him to change back to being the good partner and father he once was. I bought him an Eagles' CD with the song "Love Will Keep Us Alive". I thought I could help him if I just loved him enough. It doesn't work that way though. He chooses his behaviors.

Do you:

• feel afraid of your partner much of the time?
• avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner?
• feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner?
• believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated?
• wonder if you’re the one who is crazy?
• feel emotionally numb or helpless?

i feel none of that.

Veggy, I've been around substance abuse and mental illness treatment over 30 years. MyDogMiles is correct on this one. He's going to have to hit bottom first. Many people don't understand anything as a motivator except pain.

he's going to iraq soon. my fear is something will happen there that will hurt him

his family is trying to see him soon and kinda.. corner him about me. as it is now he completely ignores them if they ask him about me. if they can get him to calm down about me, he'll be more likely to calm down about everything else. then he'll have them to rely on. the family he lives with now on weekends thinks he's hopeless...whereas these ones think he can be helped if he'll agree to it, and they will help him every step of the way. his aunt was crying when she was writing him a message, so i suggested she take him to a movie this weekend so they can see each other again..since i know which movie he wants to see. i'm hoping they see him soon.

I hope he does try to work with his family and pull himself together before he goes, and I also hope that you have someone to turn to under his deployment. May he walk safely.

he's ignoring his family now. i feel so awful his aunt is crying, it's his dad's birthday but he won't speak to them.