Need to get out of mania ><

Daisy and Pug,
I totally agree with you...these meds can be dangerous. I dated a guy once who played roulette with his and it was really scary, I didn't know what state of mind he would be in from one minute to the next, and his lithium levels were probably off the wall.

I have always taken exactly what the doctors prescribe, but then ended up having to lower the dose (his orders) 'cause of the bad side effects. But with Seroquel, I am allowed to increase it SLOWLY when I get manic and I know my limits. I don't for the life of me know how people can take 400, 600 mg of it. I even asked the pharmacist about it when I was turning into a zombie and she said it's also prescribed as a sleeping medication. Mystery solved, so now am VERY careful with it.

One more thing then I'll be quiet! Somebody explained to me that medications have a half-life, or half the time it takes for the med to clear the system. When you take a dose higher than it will take to clear in 24 hours, it will accumulate with the next dose, etc. Ideally you'd want a med to clear in 24 hours but that's just not the case with some meds, so y'all, please be careful, especially if you keep adding to it.

Now, back to the regularly scheduled broadcasting...

(****ing hell - my net timed out so I lost all my words. ****.)

Today I resigned from one of my jobs. I hated it, it was a really ****** work environment and I feel better now. Was meaning to line another job up before I did this but I was too overwhelmed and needed to end it.



Zooie, history wise, here's a kinda summary:-

Was always the kid with 'issues' at school that exceeded in extra curriculum work so teachers liked me. I overworked myself with additional projects - educational compeititons, concerts mainly - while doing my usual class work.The school would intervene whenever I had depression episodes that would lead me into self harming, suicidal thoughts etc. They wanted me to seek professional help but family said no as they thought I was faking etc because I was such a good student when I 'got over it'. This scenario happened a few things during my youth. Things started to come apart I think around the end of elementary/primary school or a few years earlier than that. tried to seek help during my youth but my family was too much of a barrier.

Over the years I've only used short term couselling to really cope. These counselors would try to diagnose me - depression, bipolar, whatever they'd throw out there - and said to see a professional for it but I shrugged it off as I didn't have the time and energy.

End of last year, I fall into one of the worse crashes I ever had and I think I'm still recovering from it. My partner told me I that my own self-help isn't working anymore and told me I "have to" see a doc. I ended up in emergency after some severe panic attacks. Was cleared of any physical health issues and had the mental health team assess me. As I travel in and out of states all the time at the moment, they decided not to start me on any sort of care plan; just told me to see a GP for meds if I don't feel better in a couple of weeks after taking work off. They thought it was situational depression. Some thought dysthymia. To be honest, I lied a lot to the nurse doing the assessment. I know I shouldn't of. I was just scared of being admitted if I told them about my self harming and suicidal thoughts at the time.

Saw the GP. He wanted to start me on anti-depressants but decided not to as my travelling meant he couldn't monitor how i was going. Got referred to a psychologist.

I liked the psychologist I was seeing (alas, in another city now so can't see her anymore). I was able to be honest with her. She thinks my history clearly indicates bipolar disorder and recommended I see a pdoc to be evaluated to see if she's correct. So that's where I'm at - waiting to see the pdoc.

Just frustrated that I've had so many false starts due to all the different docs and stops on treatment due to my travel situation. I just want facts so I know how to get better finally. It's been too long. I'm over it all. I'm sick of the racing behaviour I have that overworks me, then my body kicks my *** and I fall into depression for no reason, if anything maybe just the exhaustion. But I can't even pace myself when I'm productive not to exhaust myself because I get depressed when I don't reach the same productivity level I've reached in the past. Circles. I'm starting to dislike them ><

Hi Star,
Thank you for sharing your "history". You sound like me, falling through so many cracks. But I DID go to pdocs, what morons some of them were. But I tried, I really did, but nobody caught the BP dx. It made me wonder what the h*** they went to school for.

I'm sending your lots of encouragement for getting some answers finally. I'm so different now after being dx'd and have the years of med search over with. I hope you can get on a good med and stop the insanity of the mood swings. I still have them <sigh> 'cause can't take the dose of meds I need. But maybe you can get on something that will level out your BP.

I know the feeling about the job! Once I just walked out. Actually, I've done that 3 or 4 times, and no job to go to! But I made my life so simple now Star. It's an easy job, only parttime (am on disability now) and I love it...been there the longest ever on a job.

Please post how the appointment goes, ok? And good luck. You deserve some answers and solutions. Oh, I also wanted to encourage you about being hard on yourself. I've done that so much but now (at 63) have learned to accept things and it's really given me (finally) peace of mind.

Talk to you soon...

People become manic when their brain is moving too quickly. Anti psychotics try to slow it down, if it slows down more than is needed the brain becomes sluggish, sleepy, working at below the ideal speed. The ideal amount to take is just enough to keep it in the normal range.

I started out taking 100mg, than 50mg, 25mg, 12.5mg, now 6.25mg. Each time I tried moving down my brain became more alert, more energy, less brain fog. After trying 3mg the brain started to race, so 6.25mg is the best level. It is the bare minimum that gets the job done.

Very occasionally the brain goes too fast. If thats the case taking something that lowers and works quickly to slow it down helps. This only applies to meds that work quickly, not like lithium which is takes a while to notice the effects.

Its like driving down the hill, the car naturally goes slightly too fast. Antispychotics are like the brakes, most of the time you only tap it to keep the car from going too fast. If the hill suddenly becomes very steep, the car is going way too fast. Tapping doesn't work, to prevent the car from going out of control you keep pushing on the breaks until it finally is going at a reasonable level.

I only do this when it comes to the brain racing, when I can sense myself possibly becoming manic. I don't take it when I can't sleep, or when Im upset or having a bad day. I don't self-medicate with it. I only do it when Im about to get into serious trouble.

I know for myself at least, if I had just doubled my regular seroquel dose I very likely would have become manic a few times. I don't understand any major, possible downsides to continuing to take extra inhibitors aslong as the brain is still going too fast. I will feel very groggy, sleepy and slow the next day or 2, but that is inconsequential compared to becoming manic.

Some pdocs, once they get to know you, are quite comfortable with allowing you to adjust your meds as needed (and within guidelines that they lay out). Unless you pdoc has specifically given you that permission though, you really need to check with pdoc for med changes.

coming down from a Mania is tough without pycdoc help. I have had too many manias to reiterate how important it is to get help. I hope you get in sooner. I will keep you in my thoghts and prayers.

Hey guys - thanks for the replies.

I've been very racing over the last couple of the days, but at least it's allowed me to get a whole lot done that I had on my schedule. Starting to get a bit of anxiety over my pdoc appointment but I'll make it to it. Seeing a GP tomorrow as the clinic wants me confirm my old referral from the other state before my pdoc appointment so I might try talking to them a bit just to see if this GP is better than the one I saw last week.

Hi all- I can't keep my mind together enough to up date you properly on the last two days but...

Yesterday, GP was a great help but said she didn't think i was bipolar.
Today, pdoc says I am so now I have a prescription for lithium.

Freaking out really badly now.