[Anneinside]

I make the calls to schedule people to come in to the charity I volunteer at. Tuesday I called a lot of people, spending hours, and got several people scheduled for every day next week. Last week I scheduled the ones coming in this week. There is only one person covering the mornings MWF so I sent her the list of clients with their phone numers scheduled for Friday and Monday. She emailed back and said she wasn't going to be there on Friday and would call the people to reschedule. I waited Tuesday evening, Wednesday, she didn't write to say she had rescheduled. Finally late Thursday afternoon I called her to check if she had done it... and she hadn't so I had to do it. I was able to talk to one of the people and had to leave a message for the other. I hate that because most of them are coming from out of town so coming into town and finding us closed is a problem.

Anyway, she knew in advance that she wasn't going to be there so why didn't she just tell me so I wouldn't schedule anyone for those days??? She knows I schedule the people. Why leave it for me to have to explain to these people??? She didn't even seem to care that she hadn't done it. Why does it bother me so much?? I have become very anxious, worried, upset, skin crawling, worried about everything and anything, upset stomach, feeling stupid/inferior. And, worried that I'll return on Tuesday only to have people mad at me for us being closed. I can't seem to rein in the anxiety. Even though I did everything I could, I can't let it go. I continue to worry about if they came today. I don't even know how to explain how worried and anxious I feel. This wasn't my problem but it became my problem.

[WendyAussie]

Hi Anne, yes it is really hard when people let us down in this way, and especially if you are a consciencious and responsible person who cares about the charity and the people involved. As well as being Bipolar and having panic and anxiety disorders, I am an 11 years sober member of AA. So a lot of my AA "training" comes to mind with this. This is defintely a situations that calls for the Serenity Prayer, "God Grant me the Serenity Accept the thing I cannot Change, Courage to change the Things I Can and the Wisdom to know the difference". This works whether or not you believe in God - I don't and it still helps me.

The part you cannot change is this woman's lack of responsibility and selfishness. The part you can change is about how much you invest your feelings in what happens when she bugs out, like she did. And, without knowing the organisational arrangements, maybe you can pass this onto a higher authority, - keeping in mind you are doing charity work and you don't have the burden or responsibility to sort this out.

Or, if you are feeling assertive enough, you may be able to say to her on the phone or in person, "When you left me with no notice to contact those people, you put me in a difficult and embarrassing situation and I won't do the follow-up work on the next occasion". And here's the biggie - Don't do the follow-up work, even if it means people are inconvenienced. And even if some of them think it's you fault - it's people's own business what they think of us. This is all assertiveness. If you keep doing it, this woman will keep doing what she feel like and walking all over you.

But maybe the first port of call is to speak to her etc.

[BNLsMOM]

Wow! Wendy has good advice. I agree with it all. I have nothing to add other than hugs. (((Anne)))

[BashfullOne]

Annieinside - I understand what your saying and it's hard putting feelings aside. I can't do it no mater how hard I try. But I do agree with Wendy - you need to let this person know, even in a note, the situation she put you in and that it was HER responsibility to take care of it on her end. And ask her if she feel she can continue to volenteer, or should you remove her from the list.... You shouldn't have to go throught this again due to someone else's lack of caring. I hope this helps... Hugs to you!!