[BNLsMOM]

Today, I am fighting paranoia again. Doesn't help that my dog randomly started barking his head off and ran around the house from window to window and door to door as if someone were coming. Then I saw two cars drive by the house twice each as if they drove by, then turned around and drove by again.

The thought that I am fighting is that either the son of the original owner who lived in the basement is coming to claim something that I don't even know is down there, (There are stories around the neighborhood about him that make me think that he has some MI issues as well) the other thought is that the ex of the owner who lived here just before we bought the house is bitter and is coming to claim some of the things that he left here when he broke up with the previous owner, and she left with us when we bought the house.

The other thought is that the house is cursed and that is why all this stuff goes on.

Writing this all out is helping, actually.

I once worked with a person who told me that she put a curse on me. Sometimes I wonder if it was true and that her curse is why these things happen.

So to make a long story short, I am a bit freaked.

Apparently Lithium is not doing much but making me fat. Five pounds in two months.

[lynn P.]

(((BNL'sMOM))) I think all this stress you've been under is triggering all these emotions. That must have been a horrible coworker. Once before my kids were born, 2 men broke into my house while I was home. I actually came face to face with them in the hallway and luckily for me they left. For 3 months after I felt so paranoid about any stranger coming to my house - looking back I think I was suffering from PTSD.

Does deep breathing help or keeping yourself busy? I hope you'll have a good rest when you go on vacation.

[BashfullOne]

I'm glad that you posted - a lot of times just posting or journaling helps me feel better. Is there something else the doctor can give you besides lithium? I was given Abilify and told to watch what I eat... I am over weight, and I do need to watch what I eat and I do - I eat right but don't seem to be losing any weight - ugh exercise is hard for me as I'm so depressed I never have the energy to exercise... It's all I can do to keep a clean house and keep the wash all done. If I don't my husband gets really upset with me.... I don't like it when he gets upset - he belittles me and it's then all I can do to not try to do something stupid... So my house is clean and the clothes are washed. And he's happy.... When I do lose weight - he brings home fattening items that he knows I shouldn't eat, but I end up eathing it because I'm afraid he'll get upset, as he spent the money for it.... I can't win, but I can lose...

[BNLsMOM]

I am on Trileptal, Seroquel and Prozac as well as Lithium. Lithium was supposed to be the icing on the meds cake, but I don't think I am stable yet.

My p-doc told me that the next step is ECT. I am not ready for that. I don't think all the options have been exhausted yet.

But she thinks everything is going well because my mood was good for the last couple of appointments. I told her about my recent urges to SI and she thought I was trying to shock her.

[lynn P.]

How are you feeling now BNL'sMOM?

[BNLsMOM]

Actually, I am sitting here wondering why I can hear my youngest son making noise through the baby monitor when there is no one home but me. I turned the TV on mute because I thought I was hearing something in the background. My ear is all plugged up so sound is distorted anyway. I heard it after I muted the TV. The only other thing it could be is my cat, but she is in the basement. It might be that the monitor is crossed with another family's monitor. But is really sounds like my son.

Ugh.

ETA: I only heard one small noise. I made it sound like it is ongoing. It was probably my cat.

[lynn P.]

Yes sometimes it can pick up on other people's houses. I hope you feel better soon.

[lonegael]

(((((((((BNLsMOM)))))))))) Hang in there, dear. You have been going through so much lately it's no wonder you're stressed enough to swing. Check with the Pdoc and the lithium; it can make you gain, that much is right.
((((((((Bashfull))))))) You shouldn't have to put up by being treated badly and saboutaged, hon. Exactly why does he treat you like that? HUGGGSSSS and

[lynn P.]

How are you feeling today BNL'sMOM?

[cybermember]

BNLsMOM,

As someone who suffers from paranoia, I would talk to your pdoc about increasing your Seroquel. I believe that would deal with your paranoia more readily. Also, not to be a bearer of bad news, but Seroquel can make you gain weight as well.

[BNLsMOM]

Originally Posted by lynn P.

How are you feeling today BNL'sMOM?

I am OK today. I have a cold and an earache so I am laying low.

[BNLsMOM]

Originally Posted by cybermember

BNLsMOM,

As someone who suffers from paranoia, I would talk to your pdoc about increasing your Seroquel. I believe that would deal with your paranoia more readily. Also, not to be a bearer of bad news, but Seroquel can make you gain weight as well.

I can't decide which is worse. My symptoms or my declining body image.

[lynn P.]

That's too bad - seems like the saying is true "when it rains it pours". I hope you feel better.