Not sure.

I'm not sure if this is really where I should be posting. I think I may be bipolar. I guess I'll share my story in a nutshell.

I've gone through binge/restricted eating for about 5 years now. I've self mutilated for about 7 years. Prior to January I made it almost 6 months without cutting. In October, I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years. I've gained about 15 pounds since then (not because of the break up.. I'm 100% sure it was the right decision and I'm happier because of it.) I've gone through a time of several weeks of shoplifting, useless things that I don't need. I thought I had myself controlled for the most part, but recently, I'm not sure if I just lack self control or what. I don't smoke or drink, but this past month I've gotten myself drunk, drove out of town to buy cigarettes and smoke, had a threesome, gotten my first (2) tattoo, started cutting again, and bought the most random things that I don't need (2 Zippo lighters, a pipe, learn German CDs, clothes that still don't fit. I just feel like I want to rip myself out of my skin. I put in an offer on a house. I want to do cartwheels through the snow, climb a mountain, and swing on a vine. At the same time, in the blink of an eye, sometimes I just want to fall apart and cry. For a while (since I quit my job basically) I've just slept a whole lot because I didn't want to have to deal with myself. I'd sleep like 12-14 hours every day.

I guess that's all. I'm not sure what I expect from posting this. But I might as well give it a try. I'm trying to get an appointment with a psychologist, but it takes my hospital forever apparently. I really wanted to be able to handle this on my own. I've been to several therapists before, but I always have trouble going back more than 1 or 2 times. I think my record was 3. I've probably been to around 6.

That's all. Thanks for reading I guess.

Thanks for posting. I'm new here too and so far have really found I like it a lot! The people here are wonderful, and supportive.

All the best with your upcoming appointments!

Supportive therapists are out there, ones that you WANT to go back to I hope you find one You and I have a lot in common and for me I needed to find a job/career that I loved and friends that are there for me that I love, these things have helped me enormously...family not so much....but friends, yes....and of course therapy, truly important..if you can, force yourself to go..therapy is a God send it is the source of my help..

I would suggest that you also get an appointment with a psychiatrist who can diagnose and start you on medication. Just wanting to control manic behavior is not usually enough, nor is talk therapy, meds are needed by most people. It often takes months to get a new psychiatrist so calling to get an appointment as soon as possible is a good idea. How long it actually takes for your intake interview would vary according to how well your community is staffed. Where I go right now there is a three month wait and you have to be a part of the clinic (seeing a medical/regular doctor).