[NuckingFutz]

Went to renew my foodstamps today. At the very end of the appointment she told me next time if I am claiming disability I need a note from my doc that I can't work due to my bipolar. She went on to explain that her sister is bipolar and so is she and they both work fulltime. Then she said well, I'm not your doctor, but you just have to manage it. Although I got my foodstamps, I just kind of fblt like a fraud or something. Now I know symtoms vary even with medication, but I thought that was a very inappropriate thing to say. Feedback anyone?

[angie2716]

That is just crzy. They have no right saying that to you at all. Maybe they are just jealous. I'm sorry you went through that! Some people are just that way. Just try not to let it get to you. Good luck hun!

[susan888]

That was very, very inappropriate!! My 26 year old daughter has a bladder disease and is on disability. We have been in the ER with her and overheard nurses questioning why someone so young can't hold down a job...

NuckingFutz....I am not a vindictive person by nature, but I simply cannot stand people that judge others. Let them walk in your shoes, let them walk in my daughter's shoes...You know what??? They would crumble....those are the people that would not be able to deal with what life has given them.

Shame on them!!!!! I hope Karma teaches them a lesson!

[lynn P.]

(((Nucking Futz)))It was definitely inappropriate and I think you should report her. Ask her superior if she has the right to ask for a doctors note from you. People with bipolar don't have the identical symptoms and vary from mild to severe. She has no right to judge you -shame on her.

[Lauru]

Nuckingfutz

She was totally out of line. First of all, she has no business doing that on her work time. She is in an official capacity and should be reported. Plus, who is she to know how you feel? how sick you are? Bipolar varies mild to severe. I have it severe and can't hold down a job. I am back on disability. I can never work more than a year before going out on disability. So, ignore her. She doesn't know what she is talking about.

[gravyyy]

I agree with Lynn P. Call in and ask for her supervisor and see what the policy is for her asking for a doctor's note. It doesn't seem appropriate for her to be questioning your illness or your ability to work... that's what the Bureau of Disability does. Her job is to process your food stamps (unless she's like a welfare case worker or something where she has to have documentation on file) and not judge you meanly like she did. Sorry you had this experience. I would definitely investigate it if I were you.

[NuckingFutz]

I almost did not post this thinking that what she said was just thoughtless on her part. But I am learning more about stigma so I thought I would throw this out there. I am very intelligent but bipolar none-the-less. That foodstamp trip was a major deal for me emotionally. What was once a drag of an errand is a major deal now even with meds and my support network. I actually doubted my own level of disability. I just can't let this go. Since reading the responses, this is big. I am going to talk to my pdoc as well. I did not feel comfortable discussing my bipolar. She had the info on her computer but I am not comfortable talking to foodstamp caseworkers. I am also not comfortable talking to supervisors of foodstamp case workers. Was just going to journal about it. An answer on how to approach this. This is wrong on so many levels.

[WendyAussie]

It just goes to show that bigotry and stigma about mental illness can come from anywhere, even from people who suffer from it. This has occurred with me with people in AA (I am also an 11 years sober alki as well as having Bipolar and panic and anxiety disorders) where they have Major Depression , which, while it is a terribly crippling illness and sometimes fatal, is defintely NOT Bipolar Disorder, which causes much more loss and disfunction and has double the mortality rate. I'm a person who advocates strongly for myself, but Man do I run out of steam trying to communicate with people who stay stuff like this - and that also includes the mental health professions themselves, as well as the worst - family and friends.

Like others said, this silly woman had no place talking to you about your illness. You have every right to take the issue up the chain. Who needs it??

[Yoda]

That is wrong, wrong, wrong. Ask her where she went to medical school.

[mafub]

ditto!!! no two bp are alike. i call it a bipolar spectrum just as they do with autism. the stigma runs the gamut, from those who are similar to those that profess to understand and help us, the professionals, & yes, family & friends too who may be the worst offenders. it is up to us who can speak up and educate, politely of course, such happenings on the spot! problem is, it catches one off guard and the flooding emotions clouds the mind from responding with something coherent. after it happens a few times it gets easier to stop the offender. my personality carries a grudge. i would play that record over and over and i would try and reach that party and rectify the problem (misunderstanding!) in some way, directly or indirectly, ie to supervisor. sometimes we must "train & educate" the unknowing as best we can. our input can only help others that follow not to suffer such humiliation. to do that would be a good thing.

[Amazonmom]

Totally inappropriate. I have a full time job but I don't go telling my fellow bipolars silly crap like she did. Bipolar likes to take different things from different people.

I'm sorry she was rude

[englishteacher]

Maybe she was having a bad day, BUT that doesn't excuse her behavior. You would think since she is also bipolar, she would be more sympathetic. Either way, she has no right to judge you.

[NuckingFutz]

Decided to use their policies to write them a letter stating whatever breach in policy applys so there is no miscommunication. Maybe even suggest a tolerance/diversity class so it can be a learning experience for her instead of getting a lecture from her supervisor or some other ineffective method of handling this. Thanks for all your support and your suggestions. If it hadn't been for you all, I would have let this kind of fade. And maybe somewhere down the line she would have done it to someone else who might not realize what she was doing. And they might have gone home and curled up in a ball feely guilty all week or something. But thanks to you all, I am sitting on my veranda in this sunny 70 degree afternoon thinking about changing into some shorts. Wish you were all here to enjoy it with me.

[englishteacher]

Awesome for you nuckingfutz!!! I've already got my shorts on...isn't the spring pretty?

[lynn P.]

I think writing the letter is a great idea and much better than a phone call. This letter could be kept on file. I don think many people are happily skipping to pick up food stamps - it's humbling. She had no right to make you feel less entitled or paint you or all bipolar patients with a broad paintbrush. She doesn't know anything, until she's walked a mile in your shoes. You can also request you don't want her to help you next time.

I live right across the Michigan border and it's close to 60, which is unusual for this time of year.

[mamaJenof5]

Originally Posted by WendyAussie

It just goes to show that bigotry and stigma about mental illness can come from anywhere, even from people who suffer from it. This has occurred with me with people in AA (I am also an 11 years sober alki as well as having Bipolar and panic and anxiety disorders) where they have Major Depression , which, while it is a terribly crippling illness and sometimes fatal, is defintely NOT Bipolar Disorder, which causes much more loss and disfunction and has double the mortality rate. I'm a person who advocates strongly for myself, but Man do I run out of steam trying to communicate with people who stay stuff like this - and that also includes the mental health professions themselves, as well as the worst - family and friends.

Like others said, this silly woman had no place talking to you about your illness. You have every right to take the issue up the chain. Who needs it??

The critisim people give me about having BD is a lot of the times no biggy but when it comes from my mom and her thoughts on how it is just an excuse to behave badley or act anyway I want (as if this is how I want to act) the critisim hurts real bad. -NutingFutz, You have to do something about this..this lady was so wrong and off base, seems to me she def. needs a course on BD

[thinker22]

Sounds like she has cyclothymia, not bipolar I. Also, medications do make all the difference. Even when you're on a good combo, there are always breakthrough symptoms as we well know. But when you're not on a good combo (which in my case has been more often than not), you never know how you will wake up or how the day will go. You could feel like dying the emotional anguish is so bad. And on days like that, how can you work a job? It all seems so futile. Your future seems so hopeless, money ceases to matter. That's my experience anyway. I have to hardest time going to my job one day a week. And then I get this letter from SSDI saying I'm plenty functional to get a new job with more hours. That's just plain cruel. I guess it's their job to deny first and read the file later, if you get a lawyer.

I'm sorry that happened to you and I agree with everyone else. She had no right to request a doctor's note. You've already been declared disabled and the only one you have to answer to is the government agency that can review your case periodically.

[IndigoRose]

What this woman said to you is all sorts of wrong. She probably would have been out of a job had she said something like that to me (I'm a very strong personality and I despise ignorance like that). I understand exactly how she made you feel. I consider behavior like that from someone a form of brainwashing. The most important thing for you to keep in mind is this: NEVER DOUBT YOURSELF!! You know your body and you know how you feel, don't ever let anyone tel you otherwise.

It's the people that truly suffer with BD that know what you're going through. Not everyone goes on medication and does well. I am chemically sensitive, so a lot of these side effects are killer (I go for days without sleep from a lot of this stuff), and my doctor has said more than once that I probably have treatment resistant BD. I have been on Cymbalta since it was released. I took it for about four years and ended up going off of it because I felt better. But after two of the hardest years of my life, my BD came back with a vicious cycle, so I have gone back on medication. BD is hard to explain because it does not target the weak. You have to be a strong person to handle it, no matter how mild or severe it may be.

I wish you success with your letter and I hope you are never treated so poorly again.

[LivingMiracle]

I understand where you are coming from NF. I get SSI for bipolar, DID, and PTSD. On the outside I look alright so many people judge by the outside appearance. They don't know whats going on in the inside. Don't doubt yourself. Its not worth it, its too much pain I learned. I'm sorry you had to go through that, no one ever should have to "prove themselves."

[thinker22]

IR & LM, you are right. BD does target the strong and no one can know what's going on inside of us. Just because we can bathe and leave our homes every once in a while, maybe work or go to school very part time, doesn't mean that our brain isn't constantly fighting us with negative thoughts, depression, flashbacks, and other traumas.

The strong ones survive, but many of us don't make it. Having your mind and your body attacking you is exhausting. Sometimes it's all we can do to survive moment to moment.

You are brave and if anything more deserving of food stamps than just plain impoverished people. Our MI leads to poverty. Of course we don't want to be this way. We all would like to live the American dream, but for most of us, even with meds and therapy, it's out of reach. Not trying to depress you. Just letting you know that you're not alone and this person used her power shamefully. She has a lucky mild case and is taking it out on other people. Sometimes people project their own self-loathing on to others. Not your fault.

I'm glad you're taking care of you.

[Daleswife]

I'm new here and this is my first post. My husband and I both have bp. Mine is mild and I can hold a job with only a few problems. His is severe and not only can he not hold a job but I worry all day about him when he does try to. My husband also suffers from ptsd and borderline due to childhood sexual abuse. Had this woman said something like this to my husband, he would have probably ended up in a hospital suicidal. That is why I am so happy that you are going to report this woman.

[WendyAussie]

Slightly off topic, but the last few posts have referred to how strong we are as people, but also that our strength can infer to family, freinds, employers, that we are travelling s lot better thsn we actually are. I had lost my career, house, most of my family and friends due to this illness. I have gone from a high status career (as one of the latter posters referred to) to Australia's Disability Support Pension, which is under the Poverty Line. I had no prospect of a relationship or children in my early 40's and then my Mum died. I had spent the nights leading up to her death lying on a stretcher bed alongside her in the Palliative care section of the hospital.

I was the one to arrange her funeral (I have three elder brothers, who all have partners and children), even before she died. She knew I had gone away for a while to visit the funeral home and make those arrangements and she was very proud of me for that. After she died I asked my brothers could I do the Eulogy as I am skilled in writing and delivering speeches and they immediately agreed as none of them are confident in that area. I wrote the speech, adjusted it according to my brothers' wished and delivered in a strong and clear manner, including humour, which was very appropriate for my Mum.

After the funeral I was delivered back to my home which was in the city (Mum had lived in the country town I now live in). Not one single person came to visit me after that (including friends and family) , even though I was on the Dsiability Pension, could do simply NOTHING for myself anymore (they all knew that but I don't think they wanted to see how deeply I was suffering and desperate for help - they had seen this person during Mum's final days and afterward who could get things done in a seemingly confident manner).

Not surprising to people who are reading this, I made a 100% serious attempt on my life 5 months after Mum died, due to all the huge factors above, including Mum's death. I was in a coma for 5 days with many, many medical interventions to save my life, and I did nearly die, from what I understand, many times. The point of this post, people were "SHOCKED" that I would take such an act. I was patronised, I had raw naked aggression hurled at me even during the first 72 hours when people are likely to try again, I certainly had loads of passive agression during that that time and sometimes that is even harder to deal with as it is so slippery and insidious.

I had to be assertive to protect myslef when I had just come out of a coma!!??

So I guess I'm talking about two situations - the period around Mum's death and the follow-up to my suicide attempt when people had no idea of the depths of my illnesses and were very self serving in the most inappropriate of ways. It has been so difficult to deal with and in December (Mum died in Set 2007) just gone, after all this and also years of being abused in many ways (and allowing myself to be abused in a co-dependant way), I made a permanent separation from my immediate and extended family (many more problems in the latter as well). It's very hard but I know that after long consideration that they won't change and I'm the one who needs to change the situation for my mental health and happiness, and a REAL SHOT at a decent life.

[NuckingFutz]

Thank you all for sharing. I relise how different illnesses and people's reactions to a certain situation run the gamit of mild irritation and self doubt to deadly. That is why I wrote the letter. So nobody else has to go through what I did. In the end I think it is the thought that counts.

[IndigoRose]

Originally Posted by WendyAussie

Slightly off topic, but the last few posts have referred to how strong we are as people, but also that our strength can infer to family, freinds, employers, that we are travelling s lot better thsn we actually are. I had lost my career, house, most of my family and friends due to this illness. I have gone from a high status career (as one of the latter posters referred to) to Australia's Disability Support Pension, which is under the Poverty Line. I had no prospect of a relationship or children in my early 40's and then my Mum died. I had spent the nights leading up to her death lying on a stretcher bed alongside her in the Palliative care section of the hospital.

I was the one to arrange her funeral (I have three elder brothers, who all have partners and children), even before she died. She knew I had gone away for a while to visit the funeral home and make those arrangements and she was very proud of me for that. After she died I asked my brothers could I do the Eulogy as I am skilled in writing and delivering speeches and they immediately agreed as none of them are confident in that area. I wrote the speech, adjusted it according to my brothers' wished and delivered in a strong and clear manner, including humour, which was very appropriate for my Mum.

After the funeral I was delivered back to my home which was in the city (Mum had lived in the country town I now live in). Not one single person came to visit me after that (including friends and family) , even though I was on the Dsiability Pension, could do simply NOTHING for myself anymore (they all knew that but I don't think they wanted to see how deeply I was suffering and desperate for help - they had seen this person during Mum's final days and afterward who could get things done in a seemingly confident manner).

Not surprising to people who are reading this, I made a 100% serious attempt on my life 5 months after Mum died, due to all the huge factors above, including Mum's death. I was in a coma for 5 days with many, many medical interventions to save my life, and I did nearly die, from what I understand, many times. The point of this post, people were "SHOCKED" that I would take such an act. I was patronised, I had raw naked aggression hurled at me even during the first 72 hours when people are likely to try again, I certainly had loads of passive agression during that that time and sometimes that is even harder to deal with as it is so slippery and insidious.

I had to be assertive to protect myslef when I had just come out of a coma!!??

So I guess I'm talking about two situations - the period around Mum's death and the follow-up to my suicide attempt when people had no idea of the depths of my illnesses and were very self serving in the most inappropriate of ways. It has been so difficult to deal with and in December (Mum died in Set 2007) just gone, after all this and also years of being abused in many ways (and allowing myself to be abused in a co-dependant way), I made a permanent separation from my immediate and extended family (many more problems in the latter as well). It's very hard but I know that after long consideration that they won't change and I'm the one who needs to change the situation for my mental health and happiness, and a REAL SHOT at a decent life.

Your family sounds a lot like mine. I too severed ties with almost all of my extended family after my parents died. The deaths are recent enough, and like you, I made every single arrangement, wrote lengthy eulogies that blew people away, and had a lot of personal drama to deal with both before and after the deaths ocurred. I too experienced a total lack of support from almost everyone in my life once they were gone. I've learned to expect nothing from people, but I do not allow it to change who I am.

No one that suffers from BD can say they've never thought of suicide. I'm quite outspoken about that. Way too many people think we talk about it "for attention" when in actuality, we just can't bear the next moment, leave alone think beyond it. I am always told I don't have enough of a support system, and that is true, but I simply refuse to let anyone, no matter who they are, shower their issues down on me. That's what you had happen when you came out of the coma. Instead of showing love, care, genuine concern, and any attempt at being supportive, you got hit with other people's issues because they chose not to see what is right in front of them. Sadly, we will probably always have to fight against ignorance like that. Don't let these things change who you are. There are millions of people in this world that know exactly what you're going through and can relate to your experiences.

Sending you light & bright blessings.

[WendyAussie]

Thank you so much, this my last post before going to bed and makes me feel better. The common experiences!! I had my own major difficulties surrounding Mum's death too I was travelling back and forth, by myself 350km betwen where I lived and where Mum liked, which is where I am now as Settlement on the house I lost due my mental illnesses and the mis-presctions was occcuring. My car engine blew up in flames when I was on one of those trips back snd forth as the oil light had been on for months but I didnt attend to it as my functionality was so low. It cost me $5000AUD to get a reconditioned engine and I am on the Disability Support Pension which is under the poverty line.

Thank you for what you said about how family should have been expected to act after I came out of the come - a lot of it was about how it had affected THEM, and here's me just out of a coma. But in reality I have the face facts. This is the family of origin I come from. Their actions would have been parrt of the complex mix of things that produce a Bipolar person. Of the people still alive in my immediate family, my three brothers, were as much a part of the family dynamic of aggression, passive aggression, abuse of many kinds, violence and Oh NEGLECT as were my Mother, Father and Stepfather. I now have fully realised that I have been in a delusion about the true nature of the relationship with my brothers and I. It has been one-sided for years. My delusions are my responsibility and the making of boundaries are also my responsibility - thus my full separstion from immediate and extended family in December - after years of deliberation and consideration on the matter. Yippee!!